<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Something More Than Hunting by dean_and_cas_at_the_sea</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933118">Something More Than Hunting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_and_cas_at_the_sea/pseuds/dean_and_cas_at_the_sea'>dean_and_cas_at_the_sea</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Affectionate Touches, Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Christmas Fluff, Christmas in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Skating, Love Confessions, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Mistletoe, Movie Night, Slow Dancing, Tenderness, implied smut in later chapters, they are soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:41:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>52,525</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_and_cas_at_the_sea/pseuds/dean_and_cas_at_the_sea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s December, the holidays are approaching, and Dean realizes he needs a break. Cas seems to agree and gives him little surprises every day. At first Dean, who has conflicted feelings, simply appreciates the thought and is glad to spend more time with his best friend. Then, their activities and interactions get more personal and intimate. Dean asks himself if maybe, just maybe there’s more to these surprises than he originally thought. </p><p>A little Christmas story in which they finally leave the friend zone along the way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Rainbows, dancing koalas and cotton candy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"The little sounds Cas made distracted him. His humming when he discovered something interesting. The snorts when he found mistakes in the Enochian translations. The frustrated sighs Dean could never quite explain. Every few seconds Dean lifted his head, sneaked a peek at Cas and lowered his eyes again. Getting nervous in his best friend’s presence didn’t alarm Dean. At least, that’s what he spends most days convincing his mind of."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a story that came to mind last month. And honestly, I need as much fluff as possible at the moment. I will update the fic over the course of December. </p><p>Also posted on my Tumblr (@dean-and-cas-at-the-sea).</p><p>I hope you like the first part. I had fun writing it. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean was in a bad mood. It was 5 am on the first of December, and he was already awake due to another nightmare. He stared at the ceiling, headphones on and tried to fall asleep again. It was in vain, he knew that, but he had to try for his health’s sake.</p><p>Since they’d arrived at the bunker again, he had barely slept. His maximum must’ve been four hours, but the fatigue showed by now. He was on edge, more snarky and angry than usual, and Dean wondered if Sam went off “running errands“ so often because he couldn’t stand his grumpiness. </p><p>After three hunts all over the country he felt exhausted. Yawning, he sat up in bed and stretched his back. His room really felt like a comfort zone to him, the way he always imagined as a kid. A small smile formed on his lips. He’d never thought there’d be times when he’d prefer a cozy bed with memory foam, sleeping in and doing research in the Men of Letters‘ library over a classic hunt. </p><p>Out of all things reading had always been Sam’s thing. His little brother was the nerd after all. Still, over the years their roles had changed somehow. Sam had accepted his role as a hunter more willingly than Dean had ever been able to. Sure, he loved the job, and killing monsters always gave him peace of mind. They saved people and prevented some evil bastards from doing more harm. </p><p>When he lay awake at night though, not being able to suppress his thoughts for a change, he couldn’t help but wish for something more. Then the hunting felt more like a burden, the aspect in his life which made experiencing new things and feelings nearly impossible. He wanted to look forward to something else than the next hunt. And damn, this was an insight which scared him more than getting on a plane. </p><p>On the last hunt they had taken care of a haunted house, and the sons of bitches had showed violent behavior, throwing them around with Telekinesis. Dean’s arms, legs and ass still hurt like hell, and yes, maybe he wasn’t as unshakable as he used to be in his twenties. Not that he would ever admit that in front of Sam. </p><p>He sighed. Apparently, sleeping wasn’t in the cards anymore, and he was afraid he’d have another nightmare anyway. The image of Sam who was attacked by a frigging werewolf haunted him. At least he saved him, though Sammy did get some deep flesh wounds. Even worse was the part of the nightmare where he’d lost Cas. The angel had been captured during a hunt, and a demon had held him prisoner in a cellar. </p><p>Of course, in the dream Dean had looked for him and had found the location, but then he had been put under a spell. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak and his mind screamed "Cas“ over and over. Cas sat in a chair, cuffs and ropes around his arms, middle and legs. The demon went in circles around him, cackling, and every few seconds he used an angel blade to cut in Cas‘ skin. </p><p>His best friend yelled, so hurt and broken, and Dean’s chest ached like he was pressed underwater, unable to breathe. He had to watch this scenario for hours, and he felt so terrified and helpless. Cas screamed Dean’s name, and there was so much desperation in his voice and another emotion he couldn’t quite identify.</p><p>The moment the demon had decided to kill him, Dean had woken up. Tears running down his face, he had needed a few minutes to convince himself that his Cas, the real Cas, was still alive. </p><p>Slightly shaking, Dean took a deep breath and reminded himself another time that it had been a dream. Not a memory, not a vision, not an alternate reality.</p><p>If the sleeping problems didn’t get better any time soon, he would go crazy. He had no doubt about that one. Without a hurry he put on a pair of jeans and a flannel and slipped in the robe. He shut the closet and shook his head.</p><p>The fact he hadn’t seen Cas for three weeks must’ve gotten to his subconscious. </p><p>At least, for a change, Cas sent him occasional texts, and to his own surprise Dean actually liked texting him. Cas was always fun in his own dorky way, therefore Dean put an extra effort in his responses, hoping he’d make Cas smile a little bit. Dean growled. Great. Now he felt this stupid longing again, which obviously was solely related to the upcoming Christmastime. </p><p>He liked Christmas, he really did and wanted to have a nice one with Sammy in the bunker. In his opinion, this time it should turn out more traditional, with a tree and everything. He needed a bit of festivity. Nonetheless, the nearer the holidays moved, the more he wished Christmas was over already. Christmas was about family and love, and Dean was afraid of feeling lonely, of feeling the things he put away all the time. </p><p>Quietly, he opened the door and tippy-toed through the corridor. Sam was still asleep, as the snoring from room 21 told him. </p><p>Although Dean wasn’t a morning person, he enjoyed the bunker’s quietness in the early hours. Sometimes, he stood up in the middle of the night, wandered aimlessly through the corridors and looked at the many shelves, boxes, books and items. All this history, knowledge and mystery, which they preserved here, never ceased to amaze and intrigue him. </p><p>When Cas stayed with them, Dean often sought him out in the library. In silence, they did their research or whatever they were working on, but after a while Dean usually couldn’t focus anymore. He couldn’t put a finger on the reasons, but in those moments he felt lost and weirdly contented simultaneously. </p><p>The little sounds Cas made distracted him. His humming when he discovered something interesting. The snorts when he found mistakes in the Enochian translations. The frustrated sighs Dean could never quite explain. Every few seconds Dean lifted his head, sneaked a peek at Cas and lowered his eyes again. Getting nervous in his best friend’s presence didn’t alarm him. At least, that’s what he spends most days convincing his mind of. </p><p>Maybe a part of him still remembered the old Cas, the badass angel, heaven’s soldier, who didn’t feel and followed his orders. Cas had been frightening the day they’d met in the barn, and Dean had always admired Cas for his courage and his powers. </p><p>Apart from that he liked the "new Cas“ way better. The person who always tilted his head in confusion, when Dean seemingly said something strange or incomprehensible to the angel. The guy who watched him so intensely that Dean’s heartbeat quickened.</p><p>When Dean told him a story from a hunt or talked about his deeper thoughts on occasion, Cas nodded at the right parts and never lost focus when listening to his words. He asked sincere questions, and Dean often lost track of time.</p><p>In those moments Cas made him feel like the most interesting and fascinating person in the world. And really, who didn’t crave for this - even if it was in secret? </p><p>He was aware Cas only behaved like this because he didn’t know any better, being an angel and all. Dean had to remind himself that Cas wasn’t human and consequently experienced everything so differently than everyone else he knew. Dean broke out of his everlasting thoughts which occupied his mind this morning. </p><p>Cas, Cas, Cas – why wasn’t there anything else on his mind lately? Sleep deprivation, that had to be it. So Dean, being confused and angry at himself, wanted to do the only thing which actually delayed his tiredness: He drank coffee, loads of it.</p><p>As soon as he arrived in the kitchen on this December morning, he opened the kitchen cabinet and grabbed the powder. He started the coffee machine and debated whether he should go to the supermarket right now or trick Sammy into doing it later. </p><p>In the meantime he’d sat down, scrolled through his messages and tipped on the conversation with Cas again. He hadn’t answered his last text, and Dean had an itch to write him. He started typing another message against his better judgment.</p><p>
  <em>”Hey buddy, how’re you feeling? Any idea when you’ll stop by the next time? We need to finish the lotr marathon, ya know.“
</em></p><p>He pressed “send“ and regretted the text immediately. Sure, that hadn’t sounded desperate at all. But he missed his best friend, and he was tired of pretending he didn’t want Cas here all the time. He sighed and sipped his coffee, reflecting on the tasks for today. Maybe he should look for another hunt after all, he definitely needed to distract his mind. </p><p>"Hello Dean.“ Dean flinched and looked up, only now seeing Cas standing in the door frame. He wore his trench coat, like he always did, but his tie hung loose around his neck and the upper three buttons were unbottoned. Dean realized those things within milliseconds and caught the angel’s gaze. </p><p>Cas‘ eyes were even bluer than normal, and they were warm, and holy shit, they - he - looked fucking gorgeous. Dean smirked a little, nodded nonchalantly, trying to hide his excitement about seeing him.</p><p>"Hey Cas, what’re ya doing here?“ And once more Cas tilted his head and stared at him. 

"You wanted me here.“ Okay, so Cas had come to the bunker only because Dean had asked him to. Dean didn’t have the slightest idea how to feel about that. </p><p>"Yeah, sure, the text. I just didn’t realize you were this close to Lebanon, man. Could’ve called yesterday. I would’ve, you know, prepared the… scratch that.“ 

Now Cas‘ lips formed a line, and he furrowed his eyebrows. "I came because you prayed to me, Dean. You missed me.“ Dean gulped at the comment. This was also a thing he tended to forget – Cas‘ ability to hear his prayers or whatever. </p><p>Dean avoided eye contact now because wasn’t that just peachy? He didn’t need to feel so vulnerable in Cas’ presence. He swallowed heavily, and all out of a sudden he wanted to get out of here. He couldn’t breathe anymore and he would’ve preferred to be somewhere else, far away from his… feelings.</p><p>"Sure, yeah, we just haven’t seen you in a while, ya know“, he pressed. 

"Dean,“ Cas said and his voice sounded more velvety now. Damn, this sound was definitely one of Dean’s weaknesses.</p><p>"I missed you, too, of course,” Cas added. Dean’s head shot up.
 

“Okay, that’s awesome,“ he muttered, forcing himself to stay calm. "You want some coffee?“ Cas didn’t answer, instead he took a cup out of the kitchen cabinet and filled it with coffee.</p><p>It looked so natural and right, that Dean had to look away. Cas staying with them was the one thing he wished for every day, but never dared to ask again. He’d brought this topic up more than once, but Cas didn’t seem to grasp it or simply chose to ignore it.</p><p>Cas sat down on the chair right beside him and put a hand on Dean's forearm. It was a light touch, like a feather on his skin, yet Dean couldn’t think about anything else anymore. </p><p>This was Cas, his best friend, and he would run if he knew Dean cherished Cas’ gentle touches like a drop of morning dew glistening in the sun. Like a treasure he locked away deep inside his heart.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Wordlessly, Cas reached into his trench coat and laid an item on the table. Cas signaled him to take it. It was… car wax?</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"Cas, what is this? And don’t tell me it’s car wax 'cause I got eyes and can damn well see that.“ 

Cas huffed at that and slightly shook his head. "You mentioned that yours "sucks“, so I went to a store and told the man he should give me the best wax he sells.“ As he tried to imagine Cas in a car shop, he couldn’t help but burst out laughing. The thought was hilarious.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"Dude, you didn’t threaten him, did you?“ Cas grinned kinda wickedly and shrugged his shoulders. 

"Just a little. At first, he offered me a mediocre wax. I could see it in his thoughts. Then I told him to shove it up his ass and give me the real stuff.“ Dean laughed out loud and wiped a tear from his eye. "You didn’t.“ God, he had missed him. Noone could make him laugh like that, just by being themselves.  </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"It’s the way you would’ve handled such a situation,“ Cas answered in a deadpan voice. Dean didn’t know how to react to this remark. Was it a compliment or Cas’ way of telling him he was too aggressive? Because he knew that and didn’t need another person reminding him of his shitty behavior. Dean’s mood shifted again. </p><p>"Anyway, thank you, man. That’s awesome. Now Baby’ll get the treatment she deserves.“</p><p>"I’m glad, you like it.“ They drank their coffee in comfortable silence for a while, until Cas cleared his throat.
"You look tired, Dean.” Cas looked at him, but Dean just lifted his hand.

“Yeah, well, that’s what the coffee’s for.” 

Cas rolled his eyes, obviously not satisfied with his answer. “In your thoughtful messages you always ask me how I’m doing, however you never speak about your own condition." </p><p>Condition? It’s not like he was a machine or a woman in labour.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"Oh, you know me, Cas. My life’s just rainbows, dancing koalas and cotton candy.” Cas didn’t laugh at all, though Dean thought his comment had been one of his better jokes.
“Spare me with your sarcasm, today, Dean. I’ve had it up until here with your crap.” Cas put his hand to his forehead, and Dean was baffled. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>It didn’t happen often people actually called him out on his shit and gave him contra. And he was rather proud of Cas, since the guy hadn’t even understood sarcasm until a few years ago. This pride he felt didn’t resemble the way he felt about Sammy’s achievements, but he rather thought about Cas’ development. His adaption and his strong personality. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Maybe one of the reasons he provoked Cas so often was because Dean needed to have this one person in his life, who told him when he behaved like an asshole. Dean was such a twisted person, no wonder Cas was angry at him. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“Okay, you’re right. I don’t sleep well. Happy now, sunshine?”</p><p>“No, Dean. Why would I be happy about you being miserable?” Cas’ lips trembled and he flared his nostrils. Soon, his head moved closer into Dean’s personal space. Dean fixated his eyes and fought a battle with his inner demons.

</p><p>“It’s an expression. You know what? Never mind." </p><p>He massaged his temples, because this wasn’t the way their first meeting after three weeks was supposed to go. He wanted to yell at Cas, tell him he would feel better if Cas didn’t make himself scarce all the time. Instead, he bit his tongue and rubbed his nose. "I’m sorry, alright? I’m glad you’re here.” And with that they fell into more easygoing conversations. Dean felt calm and peaceful, caught himself grinning like a Cheshire cat. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Then, after an hour or so, Cas hesitated for a second, and Dean knew he was about to say something he wouldn’t like. “I have to leave soon, but I will return to you by Wednesday.“</p><p>"Okay, what’re you up to?“ Dean asked and couldn’t hide the bitterness in his voice.</p><p>"I have some matters to attend to, things I can’t tell you about right now.“</p><p>"Uhum. Understood.“</p><p>"Dean.“ Cas spoke so urgently that Dean forgot his sarcasm for a second. He looked up and chewed his lips to hold back a snarky comment. "I’m not trying to keep secrets from you. Please, trust me on this.“ Dean was getting angry again, and he didn’t want that. Cas hadn’t done anything wrong, it wasn’t his fault Dean reacted so irrationally recently. </p><p>Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop it: Cas had only just arrived and now he would vanish again, and Dean was sick of it. He wanted him here, and he wanted to spend time with him. Not because they had a case to solve, or they had to figure out how to finish the next apocalypse, but because he was his best friend, and he enjoyed their ridiculous comments while they were watching TV. </p><p>He would handle his disappointment later, right now, he was too happy to see Cas again. "Sure, man, whatever you need. You got time for a second coffee at least?“ Cas nodded at that and relaxed in his chair, seemingly relieved now. Dean breathed and tried not to be offended. He wasn’t that terrible, was he? Dean forced himself to think about anything other than his shitty self-perception, and so he talked about the first thing that came to mind. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"Do you…” He paused for a moment. “You should come over for Christmas. To celebrate with Sammy and me. Wanna make it awesome this year.” His heartbeat fastened, and he was sure his ears reddened. If Cas noticed his flurstered self, he made one hell of a job to hide it. “I would like that, Dean.”</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Before Dean could react to that, Cas’ lips held a faint smile which got broader by the second, and wasn’t that a sight Dean would never get tired of. His eyes sparkled and he looked genuinely happy. Dean needed to remember this expression because seeing Cas smile was so much better than throwing any false accusations at his friend. Hurting him even. He hoped on Wednesday they’d finally watch <em>The Two Towers</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Finding happiness in the little things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Sam go on a hunt. After the hunt Dean enjoys texting and phoning with Cas. Also he realizes some things - concerning the little surprises he gets and his feelings.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 2. :) No worries: Though Cas is physically absent until the next part, he will make his more or less obvious appearances here. It’s a Destiel story after all. And Dean? Well, I’d say he is much happier now, and he also deals with his feelings a bit, but see for yourself. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After he had stayed in bed and watched old movies for the rest of the day, Dean woke up more relaxed on the second of December. He felt rested and motivated to actually do something, therefore he went for a run as soon as he got up. The running helped. The first few minutes were awful and painfully reminded him of the fact he should find ways to stay fit other than hunting and sleeping with random women. </p><p>The latter hadn’t happened for a few months anyway, and that was probably one of the reasons he was so on edge. Maybe there would be a chance to change that over the next days, going to a bar and having a few drinks wouldn’t hurt. </p><p>He ran for more than an hour until his lungs burned and his thirst became unbearable. </p><p>His breathing was ragged and his clothes were drenched from his sweat and the rain, which started a few minutes ago. He opened the bunker’s door and more or less jumped down the stairs.</p><p>He passed the kitchen to yell a “Mornin Sammy“ at his brother, but Sam was already up, sitting at the table in the War Room and writing on his laptop. </p><p>"Dude, what’s gotten into you?“ Sam laughed and pointed at his outfit. Dean sniffed and stretched his upper body. "Needed some exercise, it’s doing me good. Have to keep my body in shape for the ladies.“ He scratched his back of the head.</p><p>Sam rolled his eyes and seemingly couldn’t decide whether to laugh or to escape. "Yeah, you do that. So, does that mean you’re feeling better?“ Dean, still on adrenaline from the run, giggled and shot his brother a broad grin. "Maybe, still can’t sleep, but it’s no use to boggle about it.“</p><p>"I found us a case,“ Sam stated matter-of-factly.

</p><p>"You sure?“ Dean asked because on the one hand he didn’t want to go hunting at the moment, but on the other hand he needed some distraction. </p><p>"Yeah. Um, some persons have gone missing over the last few weeks. A city near Chicago. One victim was found two days ago, missing heart. Probably a werewolf.“ Thinking of the werewolf nightmare, Dean shuddered and took a deep breath. "You wanna check it out?“ </p><p>Dean calculated the distance in his mind. Chicago was approximately a 10-hour drive away. If it was indeed a werewolf, it shouldn’t take too long to locate and kill it. They should be back by Tuesday. That was good. </p><p>"Dean? Still there?“ Sam requested. </p><p>"Sure, let’s go there. Gotta wash and polish Baby first, so around 3 pm-ish?“ Sam nodded, already caught up in his articles again.</p><p>Finally, Dean took an extended and much needed shower, rubbed his body dry for long because he just loved their soft towels. Still in a good mood, he put on some older clothes, which could get dirty while working.</p><p>Dean went to the kitchen to make coffee as usual, opened the cupboard and hesitated. There was the box with the coffee, but right next to it was another box.</p><p>The silver item was not made out of plastic though, instead it looked noble, and the material seemed to be metal, probably premium steel.</p><p>Dean grabbed the box, eyeballed it skeptically and decided it would do him no harm. On the edges there were little golden lines and right in the middle sat a small engraving which seemed to be a sun.</p><p>As soon as he opened the box, a heady aroma filled his nose. The coffee smelled rich, earthy with hints of dark chocolate and definitely caramel.</p><p>So in the end Dean stood there, just inhaling the scent.</p><p>He had no idea where the coffee came from, however, he wouldn’t complain about such a heavenly scent. At some point, he didn’t know how long he’d actually stood there, Sam came to the kitchen and examined him with his "What-the-hell-man“-look – quizzically and a bit judgmentally. </p><p>"New coffee.“ Dean sighed and smiled as if someone had just offered him an internship as a cowboy on a ranch.</p><p>Sam approached him with raised eyebrows and took the box without warning, an action that left Dean with the urge to grab it out of his hands again because Sammy really shouldn’t move it so indifferently.</p><p>Nonetheless, Dean didn’t comment on this matter and observed Sam’s reaction. His brother nodded approvingly, and started to make coffee like this wasn’t the best coffee powder he’d ever smelled in his entire life. </p><p>"Peasant,“ he muttered. Sam shot him an unnerving look and shook his head. "Maybe Cas left it here,“ he spoke his mind aloud. "Dude’s into coffee that much, maybe he wanted something special when he visits.“</p><p>"Dean, I don’t think that’s…“ Dean looked at Sam, who’d paused for a moment. Then he raked his fingers through his ridiculously long hair, which started to resemble the hairdo of a Disney princess. </p><p>Now, Sam behaved very awkwardly all out of a sudden. "Um, yeah, you’re probably right, he does love coffee after all.“ Then he turned and cleared his throat in the exact way he did when he tried to hide something.</p><p>Dean was too tired to examine that thought further, but he wouldn’t let his brother off the hook so easily.</p><p>A few minutes later he finally got to drink the coffee, and he thought he’d never had a better drink – booze included. He took one sip, paused and let the taste linger on his tongue for a while, before he had the next sip.</p><p>If the coffee had been a real person, he would make love to them slowly and tenderly, until they both happily drifted off to sleep, cuddled in each other’s arms.</p><p>"Dean, you’re so fucking weird sometimes.“ Sam guffawed. Crap, had he really said that out loud? Dean wanted to bang his head on the kitchen table so badly, but then he decided to not give a damn because this was a fact and something the world was supposed to know. </p><p>Later, he took care of Baby, washed her and finally got rid of all the dirt that covered the lack. </p><p>While humming and singing "Ramble On“ by Zepp, he climbed under and over Baby, making sure he’d get all spots. He also checked the wheels while he was at it and refilled engine oil and water. Dean thoroughly enjoyed the simple work and reminded himself to do this more often. Just taking some time off and doing something he loved. </p><p>Once in a while he stroked the hood and whispered "Sorry, Baby, I’m not gonna neglect you again, you hear me? Last weeks just’ve been a bit tough, ya know. Gonna make you look practically new again, alright, beautiful?“ Once Baby was clean again, he used the car wax Cas had given him. </p><p>Damn, the stuff was fantastic, afterwards Baby shined brighter than she’d done in years. He sent Cas a picture of Baby, and even typed a short description with one of those laughing emojis Cas was so fond of. Then Dean started packing and put the duffle bags in the car about two hours later. </p><p>On the drive to Chicago they didn’t talk much, but Dean didn’t mind the silence. He thought about the upcoming holidays, imagined the tree he still had to buy, and he thought about Cas who would actually be with them on this day. The two people who meant everything to him and a nice Christmas dinner – he couldn’t wish for better prospects. </p><p>"I’m gonna cook on Christmas, give me some suggestions if you fancy, but I’m gonna make the last call.“ Another thing to think about: Which food was Christmassy and also tasty? He needed something to show his cooking skills a bit. Cas didn’t need to eat obviously. Still, Dean was pretty sure Cas would try anything he would prepare. And that was a thing which made him happy.</p><p>"You’re in a Christmas mood after all, huh?“ Sam sounded pleased and curious at the same time."Yeah, I am actually. It will be a Christmas for the history books. Cas will be there, too. He, um, wants to spend Christmas with us.“</p><p>His voice had gotten low and raspy over the last words, he noticed. Dean didn’t know why the thought of Cas staying in the bunker all adorable and curious for human traditions made his whole body feel so warm.</p><p>"Great, I’m looking forward to it. Just the three of us. I’m gonna go shopping gifts for you guys soon.“ Gifts. Dean hadn’t thought about that, not consciously at least. When they were hunting, he always bought stuff he could find at a Gas-N-Sip.</p><p>This year, however, he needed to find meaningful presents. For Sam and for Cas. Like the necklace 8-year-old Sammy had given him for Christmas back then. It shouldn’t be that difficult to purchase something for Sam, he had many interests and was into his sports and all the health crap, so that gave Dean at least a few ideas. </p><p>Cas though? He was delighted easily, but Dean wanted to give him something personal and real. Something Cas only would associate him with in the future. Obviously, this task needed some preparation and thought, therefore he would take care of these matters later. </p><p>They arrived at the motel in the early morning, and Dean fell into bed with his clothes on. At midday, they rose, checked out the victim in the morgue and did some research at the police station. </p><p>Since Cas replied rather fast to his texts at the moment, he sent him some updates. ”<em>I’m glad when we’ll be home again. Wednesday still on?</em>“
He knew he was a bit too eager to see Cas again, but he needed to know Cas would really show up.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Seeing him again was his highlight at the moment, and he couldn’t lose it. “<em>Yes, Dean. And I’m looking forward to improving my knowledge in pop culture. :)</em>“
Cas was so cute with his emoticons and emojis. 
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  ”<em>We still have a lot of movies to watch, buddy. So prepare yourself… for fun and moviefriggingtasticness.</em>“
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  “<em>Dean, I’m fairly certain this word doesn’t exist in the English vocabulary, but I’m excited for this "moviefriggingtasticness“ nevertheless.</em>“ 
He could hear Cas’ voice as if Cas was standing right next to him. 
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  He heard the confusion and the gravelly tone, which gave him goosebumps often enough. While these goosebumps had been caused by fear in the beginning, his skin now welcomed them like a summer breeze.
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
 Suddenly Dean felt so much more motivated to check out the files and before he knew it, it was evening. Sam asked him whether he wanted to go to a diner, and Dean laughed at that redundant question. 
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
Naturally, Dean ordered a bacon cheeseburger and to his surprise Sam did the same (besides his rabbit food, of course). Their orders arrived, and he gave the waitress one of his best smirks. The burger vanished within minutes. 
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
 Sam hadn’t touched his burger yet, and Dean couldn’t grasp that. Why would he let this perfectly grilled burger get cold? Sam picked at his salad for another ten minutes, until Dean burst out. "Man, either you eat this wonderful food right now or I’ll take it.“
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
Sam looked up from his newspaper and pointed to the burger. "Fine. Be my guest.“ Dean muttered "Fantastic.“ and maybe today was his name day or something. Once he took a bite, he moaned. "Delicious.“ It tasted even better than his own, maybe because he had been able to wangle it off Sam.
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
 They hunted down the werewolf the next day and made it out without a single scratch. Dean was relieved and a bit proud of himself.
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
 He declared he wanted to celebrate with a drink and Sam agreed with him, more happily than usual. Dean put on the cozy blue-green flannel he’d found in this bag earlier. He couldn’t remember buying it, but he loved the soft material, it felt so terrific on his skin.
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
 They sat down in a booth which was nicely lighted. While Sam talked to a gorgeous woman, Dean played some pool. Dean enjoyed the bar, it was after his own taste, classic and not too shabby. Cozy. 
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  His phone vibrated, and he grinned as soon as he saw the sender. He wouldn’t tell anybody, but he adored texting so much at the moment. He felt like a high school chick. The message only contained six words. ”<em>I just won a darts match.</em>“ Dean furrowed his brows. 
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
 With whom would Cas play darts all out of a sudden? He wasn’t bewitched or anything, was he? Cas then explained he was out with Crowley. Right, the two of them had been on the road together from time to time, checking some hints about Lucifer. Still, Dean hadn’t been aware they were pals now. He swallowed his confusion and texted back.
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
 “<em>I won at pool earlier. As expected I gotta say. I am the best after all.</em>“
Cas, the wondrous guy he was, didn’t even question this statement. 
 ”<em>Enjoy your game, I’m sure you will remain successful. I would like to learn how to play pool some time.</em>“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Out of reflex Dean typed a smug “<em>Well, I can always help you with that. I’m a good teacher, Cas. ;)</em>“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
 Son of a bitch. Oh, he should stop drinking, he was getting rather slippery with his words. He didn’t look on his phone again, he was too embarrassed because he’d been so cheeky with Cas. That wasn’t good, in retrospect it had sounded very much like his advances with women. He had no idea what to make of that.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
 His mind was so unreliable at the moment, and he felt like he slowly lost control. He felt like he carried a huge pile of sand with his arms and hands, and the sand just faded out of his fingers.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Normally, Dean didn’t lose control. Sure, he often got angry, but he didn’t flirt with his best friend, even though in this case it had been due to the alcohol. He wanted to flirt with Cas, yes, but he always managed to stop himself in time.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  A few minutes later a girl came and hit on him. She was pretty, had nice boobs and a well-shaped ass, and Dean tried his best to chat her up. Dean then made the mistake of looking more closely at the women’s face, and every feature seemed wrong. All he could see in his mind were Cas‘, and how fucked up was that?
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
 Dean was lying to himself again, but he couldn’t stop it. As well as he couldn’t stop this vivid image which his brain produced right now. The cheekbones. His forehead. His nose. He knew the way his eyebrows eyes furrowed, the way his nose wrinkled when he got angry and the way his mouth looked when his tongue had just moistened it.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
 Most importantly, Dean knew the intensity of Cas‘ eyes. They were his compass. Sometimes they expressed so much he couldn’t handle it. They threw him into a hurricane, absorbed him and made him feel lost. The next moment they guided him out again, back to the surface and into the right direction.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
 And now, he wasn’t in the mood for the girl anymore and really – when did that ever happen? "I’m sorry, I gotta look for my brother,“ he told her.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  "Fuck, fuck, fuck,“ he muttered. He was screwed, so damn screwed. His pulse must be at 180 now. His throat was dry, and yet he felt sick, couldn’t even think about drinking or eating. It was shortly after midnight now, and he didn’t know if he should wait for Sam or just head back to the motel.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Apparently Sam caught his gaze and said something to the woman. A few minutes later he returned to him and laughed. 
"She has an appointment tomorrow.“ Dean clicked his tongue and didn’t believe a word he just heard. "Sure, so you wanna collapse into bed?“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"Soon, yeah, I wanted to check out this cool location at first.“ Dean grumbled on the way there, because it had to be some eco-shit, and he wasn’t in the mood for that. But he would get more tired there, that’s for sure, and consequently he’d sleep better. So far for his logic. They headed to a barely lit building and then it hit Dean. "Sammy, this is a strip bar.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"Um, I’m aware.“ Sam looked at him with his puppy eyes and no, there was absolutely no way Sam wanted to be here. What was going on? Sam grabbed his arm quite impatiently, and so they went inside the club, though Dean still felt suspicious. "Sam, are you possessed by a demon? You hate strip clubs.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"Yeah,“ Sam admitted. "But you don’t.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"So? I’m fine, not really in the mood.“ Dean watched him, trying to figure out what the deal was. "Look, this is gonna sound weird, but I really need you to take a seat over there. Here, take the money.“ Sam handed him some notes and ugh, this was so wrong.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
His brother giving him money to spend on a stripper. Dean’s disgust must’ve been visible on his face because Sam sighed heavily and looked at the ceiling. "It’s about Cas.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
With that Dean averted his eyes. "What’re ya talkin about? This some sick joke?“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"No, Dean,“ Sam answered more angrily now. "Cas practically forced me to bring you to a strip club. He gave me money and all. Can you at least try to enjoy yourself? I’m supposed to take a picture.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"Of me ogling a stripper?“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"More a picture of you grinning or something like that. I don’t know, okay? Cas just really wanted to do this for you and please, don’t make this awkward.“ More awkward, Sammy had probably meant. "Just do it, so we can get outta here.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
So they did. Dean watched the stripper, to his own surprise felt NOT turned on by her although she had one hell of a body. But he tried, he tried to appreciate the thought here, Cas obviously wanted to give him something he liked. And at his thought he finally grinned.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
 Being more appealed to the image of Cas smiling than to the actual stripper was a bit unusual, but then again, no, Cas actually always was more interesting. Another insight which scared him.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Back in the motel Dean couldn’t sleep at first. He went outside and called Cas who picked up after two rings.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Dean didn’t even wait for some greeting because his mind buzzed, and his ears were ringing, and he missed Cas, and all of this was plain madness. "So a stripper, Cas? Really?“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"Did you like the other surprises?“ Damn, why did he have to sound so hopeful? 
"Yes, I liked it. Thank you, man. You’re the best. I’m glad you’re my angel. Can always count on you.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
He HAD intended to say "friend“, and instead this had happened. No more booze until they had their movie night, he decided. 
"Dean, are you drunk?“ Cas sounded so amused, and well, that was a reaction Dean hadn’t expected to need right now.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"Nope, just a little light-headed.“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"I miss you too, Dean.“ There it was again, just the one sentence, but so sincere and honest. He was doomed. Couldn’t he gotten himself a normal best friend? Not this awesome and dazzling angel who confused him all the time? No, scratch that, he wouldn’t change Cas for the world.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"So, um, what’re ya doing at this hour?“
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"Dean, I’m taking off my trench coat now.“ It sounded like an introduction to phone sex, and that was the cue, at which Dean simply lost it.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
The whole hunting trip had been bizarre. He laughed because it was hilarious and so Cas-like, and he wanted to give him a long hug, right now. His belly tingled marvelously, and he wondered if it was just the booze or if he really was so fucking happy of talking to Cas.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Who was he kidding? Of course it was Cas because the guy seemed to be his endorphin pistol or else. "Sure, yeah, you do that,“ he replied hoarsely.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
At first, they talked about the last days. The hunt and Cas‘ news concerning Lucifer. Then Dean trusted him with some of his nightmares, not leaving any detail out, though he couldn’t bear to mention the last nightmare about Cas.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Cas listened and didn’t say a word – he solely breathed to be precise – but Dean heard so much emotion in this simple gesture that his chest clenched. They talked about basically everything which came to mind including Cas‘ experience with a “divine“ piña colada.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
The way Cas described the cocktail made Dean thirsty and left him longing for summer. Cas very much focused on the light strawberry note the barkeeper had added. Dean could effectively taste strawberry on his lips, juicy and sweet.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Then Dean remembered a summer day when Sammy and him had sneaked off to a lake near the motel where they’d stayed - in the middle of nowhere. They had bathed in the lake, and Dean could still feel the water on his skin, the sun rays which had warmed his face afterwards. And they’d stayed there the whole evening because Dad wouldn’t be back until the next morning. Dean had made a bonfire, and they’d eaten marshmallows and had made up their own trashy horror stories.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
He told Cas this little anecdote and the angel seemed to be downright entertained by it. As a matter of fact he laughed so sweetly, Dean had to hold away the phone for a moment because his heart was so full of endorphins. How was it that this simple, wonderful conversation thrilled and mesmerized him so much more than any meaningless sex he could’ve had today?
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
They talked for a while longer, and only later in bed, half asleep, Dean remembered a strange wording from earlier. Cas had said "the other surprises“. Suddenly Dean was certain that Sam knew more than he’d admitted. He would confront him with that later. He already knew Cas was behind everything.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
The bacon cheeseburger must’ve been Cas‘ clever idea of giving Dean a second piece of his favorite food without him actually ordering one. He remembered one time the two of them had been in a diner and the chef told them they could play for a gratis burger. Suddenly he’d been in a competition, and he’d won the second burger and it had tasted so much better than his actual food. Holy shit, how could Cas remember all of that stuff?
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
A blue-green flannel? How dumb could he have been to not see that? And the coffee? Damn, of course it was Cas‘ doing as well. But not to do something for himself, no, he wanted to make sure Dean felt good in the morning. He wanted to give him at least that because he knew how badly Dean slept and how many nightmares he experienced.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Dean had tried to put aside the yearning for Cas as something buddies felt on occasion. He really had tried. But the more time he spent missing Cas, the more intense the emotions got.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
And he was so sick of hiding his feelings. Being with Cas made him feel good for a change, made him feel at peace with himself. He was not only insanely attracted to his best friend, he rather had some serious feelings for him. He’d known that for years, deep down.
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Nevertheless, he’d always pushed away those feelings like an expert  – the way he pushed away the persons he cared for the most when everything became too much. The way he’d pushed Cas away. Maybe it was time to not only ask his best friend to stay with them because Dean wanted it, but to also give him a fucking good reason to never leave again. Dean would be good to him, he had to be. 
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
Dean wanted to kiss Cas over and over, wanted to devour his soft lips until Dean’s cheeks hurt from smiling too much. It wasn’t the first time he imagined that. The hard part was: Now he had to get himself to actually do it. And he had no frigging clue how to achieve that. And the main question remained: Did Cas even want that - him?
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The meaning of the stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean prepares for the movie night and receives another gift. Then Cas returns, and the two of them go on a night walk together. Dean opens up a bit and shows (physical) affection towards Cas.</p><p>Small excerpt from the chapter:<br/></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Thank you, Cas.“ Dean fixated his gaze on him, suddenly feeling all soft and warm inside. "You don’t have to surprise me every day.“ He still didn’t look away, found comfort in watching the other. "But I’m glad you do ‘cause it feels nice to be valued like that. You’re amazing, you’re aware of that, right?“ </p>
  <p>Cas smiled a little, and Dean wanted to grab the guy by the trench coat’s collar and press a kiss to his lips. Instead, he whispered, "You are, Cas.“</p>
  <p>"You mean because I have angel powers?“ Cas asked. Dean started growling, but then he saw the mischievous smile on Cas‘ mouth.</p>
  <p>Dean beamed. "I’m proud of you. You’re getting really good at the whole irony thing, ya know?“</p>
</blockquote>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 3, I hope you enjoy! :) Dean is so smitten with Cas *sighs*</p><p>Please, listen to the song mentioned in this part. :) I think it fits Dean’s feelings.</p><p>(https://youtu.be/qjuEXKwnkLE)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Were you gonna tell me?“ They’d been driving for 6 hours now, and Dean knew he needed to rest soon, even let Sammy take the wheel for a while, but his latest insights didn’t exactly calm him down. At first, Sammy pretended he didn’t hear him as if Dean would fall for that bullshit. Two minutes passed until Sam made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. "No.“</p><p>"What do you mean "no”? I’m your brother, you’re not supposed to keep secrets from me.“ With that he shot Sam an angry look, but Sam was unaffected, he didn’t even look up from his phone.</p><p>“Okay, but you can tell me now, right? I figured it out, it’s not a secret anymore.“</p><p>"Dean, it was never a secret, and I’m just helping Cas out. Why don’t you let it go for a change and um, enjoy the Christmastime?“ Let it go? The guy was quoting Elsa to him, and that was not okay, it was his métier. Quoting movies and stuff, not imperatively anything Frozen-related.</p><p>"I will manage,“ he muttered. "Enjoying Christmas, that is. So, um, Cas giving you surprises as well?“ Now Sam burst out laughing, as if Dean had said something incredibly funny, which confused him because he did want to know the answer. He needed to know.</p><p>"Don’t be an idiot. Cas is my best friend as well, but you two have the profound bond, remember?“ Yeah, he wouldn’t forget that expression any time in his life. "He assured me I’m very important to him and that he sees me as a brother. He explained you needed to see you deserve good things and that he was worried about you.“ Dean’s mind rattled, and he didn’t like this new information, didn’t know what to make of it.</p><p>So Cas saw Sam as a brother, he knew that – but how did he see Dean? As his best friend, that was for sure. Best friends would want to make each other happy, wouldn’t they? Maybe there were some articles about things friends would do for each other regarding Christmas. Dean shook his head and hit the gas more like he wanted to drive away from those thoughts.</p><p>"Don’t tell him that though,“ Sam added after a while. "Can we change the topic now?“ Dean nodded to himself, still debating on this matter on the way to the next gas-n-sip. There he found what he was looking for and smirked to himself. If Cas didn’t like the little welcome back present, he would keep it for himself.</p><p>When they reached the bunker, Dean immediately felt more tranquil. He spent the day doing the dusting and wiping the floors, ignoring Sam’s funny comments. Then he checked the room 15 which had been Cas‘ in the times he stayed here. As soon as he opened the door, he regretted even going in here. It was still too empty, there were no personal items, nothing which signaled Cas lived here.</p><p>Dean tasted something bitter on his tongue because yes, that was exactly why - Cas didn’t live here. He sighed and started cleaning the room thoroughly. He threw away the old sheets because they were ugly, then he went to the washing machine to wash one of his best sheets. After that he roamed through the rooms, looking for another shelf. As soon as he found one, he ordered Sammy to help him carry this bastard.</p><p>He didn’t bother explaining his reasons, it was fairly obvious why he went to extraordinary lengths to make Cas comfortable. Talking about his efforts would make it more real, making it more real would freak him out too soon, and he wanted to overcome his fears after all. Actions were his way of speaking when he was at a loss for words, therefore he needed to take one step after the other.</p><p>Then he thought about the movie night and only now noticed the conditions weren’t exactly ideal. In the meantime, they’d installed another TV (flat screen) in of the bunker’s larger rooms, so they didn’t have to watch in their bedrooms all the time. </p><p>Dean would prefer watching in his room, alone with Cas, but no, that was too presumptuous, and he couldn’t just tell Sam to not watch with them. That would be strange, and he wanted to spend more recreational time with his brother as well. What wasn’t ideal though, was the sitting situation.</p><p>They had stools and two awesome leather armchairs, but they were three people, and he couldn’t exactly tell Cas to sit on his lap while watching TV. His face turned red at the thought. Hence he talked to Sammy and told him they had an emergency. They took Baby, drove to the furniture store and purchased a sofa.</p><p>Dean rented a van and transported the sofa back to the bunker. His back ached afterwards, but it was so worth the struggles. The sofa was awesome. He hoped Cas would like it. Dean was glad Sam had decided to not comment on his weird behavior right now, because Dean didn’t know what to tell him.</p><p>Perhaps: "I think I have the hots for Cas and I’d like to make out with him on the sofa for the next days.“ He’d like to see Sam’s face after that one. Dean snorted. He felt so lighthearted, he couldn’t think about anything else. He wasn’t sure if a man in his late thirties was supposed to feel this giddy and excited, but maybe he was allowed to have some happiness, even if this only meant spending time with his brother and best friend.</p><p>After he had made some errands in the grocery store, Dean finally took care of his own room. For a moment he was confused because he was sure he hadn’t put a new bulb in his nightstand lamp. It finally could light the room again, and that was another good thing happening to him today.</p><p>He searched his nightstand for the book he was reading at the moment and found another item he didn’t know. It was a journal which seemed way more valuable than his father’s. When did Cas have the time to organize all these things? Dean was baffled. </p><p>The material seemed to be leather. It felt soft under his fingertips and the back of his hand. The smell was there, but it was not overpowering and unpleasant, rather musky in a good way. Also, there was a robust buckle. On the bottom left Dean could make out a small engraving – "DW“. He swallowed hard because with what did he deserve all these cute surprises?</p><p>Finally, he opened the book and enjoyed the thick paper of the pages. Then he registered some words, written with a fountain pen, directly on the first page besides the inside of the book cover. <em><strong>”… Because your knowledge and thoughts, above all others on this planet, should be conserved, Dean.“</strong></em></p><p>
  <em></em>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>If Dean hadn’t known already, this would have been the moment to identify Cas as the one who surprised him. Dean breathed hectically, turned his head back and forth contemplatively and then he only stared. He stared at the sentence and read it over and over, since it was the sweetest thing he’d laid his eyes on for a long time.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>People didn’t do cute things for Dean, because they thought he didn’t appreciate chick flick stuff. After all, that’s what he wanted to make everybody believe. And Cas? He didn’t care, he simply ignored Dean’s sarcastic comments on these matters.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He studied the journal in awe-stricken silence, one page after another. Though the pages were all identical and blank, he saw so much in them. And his heart simply couldn’t take it. A small smile came onto his lips and soon after he couldn’t hold it back. This was Cas, all of this. He put his headphones on.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He listened to some louder rock and heavy metal songs in the beginning, and then “I remember you“ by Skid Row came up. The song had a fucking good arrangement with the guitar riffs and drums, nonetheless, the lyrics stuck to him the most at this moment. He listened to song while closing his eyes.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He imagined him and Cas, naturally, and he pined for him so badly his breathing stopped for a moment. Though Dean had never been to the sea, he saw it extremely clear in his imagination. Then he listened to the song again, put it on repeat. He grabbed a pen and started writing.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He must’ve dozed off at some point because the next thing he noticed was a rustling sound nearby. "That you Cas?“ he asked sleepily when he heard a familiar grumble. Dean opened his eyes and sat up. "I’m sorry, Dean, I didn’t want to wake you. The light was still on, so I thought you were awake,“ Cas stated with his cute little smile.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He was standing in the door frame, apparently deciding whether he should enter or not. Dean ruffled his hair, pushed the blanket away and stood up. "No problem. What time is it?“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"3 am,“ Cas answered.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Dean rubbed his eyes in confusion. "What? I slept 6 hours or so. Didn’t even notice.“ He went to Cas and halted right in front of him. Then he grinned, absorbed his face and his scent. Since Dean was still too tired to say anything meaningful, he pointed to the journal and the headphones. "I’ve already started filling the blanks, buddy.“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He put one hand on Cas‘ shoulder and simply said "Thank you.“ Now Cas smiled, he smiled like he’d never witnessed before. His eyes displayed different types of blue now – steel blue, sky blue and in this semi-darkness even a bit midnight blue. </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Due to the smile his face glowed, and Dean was so captivated he couldn’t look away. He looked so beautiful and son of a bitch – why did Dean prevent his mind of perceiving this before? What a stupid thing to do.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Even if nothing ever happend between them, these interactions still made him feel more alive. Wordlessly he signaled Cas to sit, while he pulled his shirt over his head. He searched for a fresh one and put it on quickly. "Dean, you should sleep,“ Cas said with a raspy voice.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Nah, man, I’m awake now. Let’s… I don’t know, go for a walk or something.“ 
Cas watched him cautiously. "You don’t want to go by car.“ It wasn’t a question, and Dean only shrugged his shoulders. "Not right now, we should go for a drive one of these days though. Wanna show you a spot.“ He averted his eyes, fixing a point on the wall. Could be a good place for a poster or a picture.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Okay, then let’s hit the road,“ Cas announced eagerly.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Cas, that’s…“ He backpedaled and grinned. "You’re really one of a kind.“ The next moment he put his jacket on, and grabbed Cas‘ arm lightly to pull him with him. As soon as he noticed the long physical contact, Dean let go of the angel’s arm again. He didn’t want to chase Cas away in the first minutes after his arrival.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>They walked through the night. The smell of trees, resin, moss and damp earth mixed to an incomparable aroma.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>After a while they sat down on a large rock near some trees, and Cas inspected the rock with this fascinated expression on his face. "I’ve witnessed so many kinds of rocks over the thousands years of my existence.“ Dean wanted to say something along the line of "Dude, you’re a show-off“, but he never got the chance, because Cas continued speaking.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Humans worked on rocks, made weapons out of them at first, then they used the rocks to form houses. Still, they were no longer in harmony with them, hence now, they don’t actually exist near them – in nature itself. They should appreciate these wondrous things, use them alongside their natural tasks. Not just as a material.“ Dean hadn’t taken his eyes of Cas for one second, because hearing Cas talk so passionately was alluring.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Sure thing. Rocks are known to be the workplace of the future. Especially sustainable, because there is no electricity, no internet, no furniture, no paper. A renaissance, if you will.“ Cas snorted and went into a fit of laughter. </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>A rumbling chimed and at first Dean heard nothing but booming laughter and occasional panting. Unbelievable, now Cas’d almost fallen from the rock, but he seemed to be just out of balance a bit. Dean put his head back and took a deep breath. "Cas, you okay there, buddy?“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Dean, I am sorry, I thought your idea was very funny.“ In point of fact Dean knew he wasn’t that funny, although he always told his little jokes to everyone who couldn’t hide from him. Some people, mostly women and Sam, would roll their eyes and huff a slightly amused laugh. Some would actually smirk a little. But making Cas laugh like this, all free and uncontrolled? It might be his favorite sound in the whole world right now.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Terrific,“ Dean replied, trying to collect himself. "Maybe this innovative business idea will be my backup plan if hunting doesn’t work out anymore. You never know. Aliens hijack our systems, making it impossible to use electronics. Due to their addiction to the media, most people go insane, the remaining ones retreat into nature to save the world with work on rocks.“ Oh, he had missed being silly with Cas.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Cas started laughing again, this time it was so loud it echoed from the trees, and had to be heard in the streets nearby. The thought made Dean smile despite his nervousness he’d developed in the last few seconds. He had to say something meaningful, something to show Cas he was grateful for all the effort and thought he put into his ideas. He wasn’t good with words and that was the problem.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Thank you, Cas.“ Dean fixated his gaze on him, suddenly feeling all soft and warm inside. "You don’t have to surprise me every day.“ He still didn’t look away, found comfort in watching the other. "But I’m glad you do ‘cause it feels nice to be valued like that. You’re amazing, you’re aware of that, right?“ </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Cas smiled a little, and Dean wanted to grab the guy by the trench coat’s collar and press a kiss on his mouth. Instead, he whispered, "You are, Cas.“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"You mean because I have angel powers?“ Cas asked. Dean wanted to growl, but then he saw the mischievous smile on Cas‘ lips.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Dean beamed. "I’m proud of you. You’re getting really good at the whole irony thing, ya know?“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Good teachers tend to rub off on people from time to time,“ Cas answered. That had to be a reference to his text the other day, it had to be. Cas remembered everything. </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Dean put his head back now and stared at the night sky. He enjoyed the almost magical atmosphere that had set in. In the morning, there had been the stress of the last few days and the annoyance of his nightmares. All that had vanished.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Instead, calm and balance settled on him, which brought Dean mentally to the stars. "There was this one hunt which feels like a lifetime ago, but it has remained in my memory since then. We saved an old woman from a witch. However. She was a lovely lady, and we talked a lot during the case. Do you wanna know what she told me about stars?,“ Dean asked, eyeing Cas.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Tell me.“ Cas snuggled deeper in his coat, which was a strange sight - Cas couldn’t freeze, could he? Dean was distracted for a moment.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"She said that every time a person dies, their body breaks up into thousands of stars that watch over the world from the sky. Since then, I could finally explain why there are so many of them. And every time I looked up at the sky, I felt better somehow. I was not alone.“ He paused briefly, put his head back. Thoughtfully, he touched his stubble. "Afterwards I read a lot about stars. I found out that there are even double stars.“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"How are they characterized?“ Cas sounded honestly interested though he had to know what double stars were, and Dean watched him affectionately.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"They are two stars that are so close together in the sky that they almost look like a bigger star. They move around a common center of gravity, so they’re intertwined. Among all the stars they form a unit, they belong together. In the past, darkness had always frightened me. But with this idea it was different. I looked at the stars and fell more and more in love with the night.“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>After his explanation, Dean fell silent and rubbed his arm. This memory and his thoughts were intimate to him, he had never told anyone before. Over the years, he had continued to spin the thoughts about the stars, but now he saw the stars more abstractly. For him, the night sky, which was covered with stars, was above all a protective blanket. He felt safe under it.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"I know every constellation and star on the night sky,“ Cas muttered and this time Dean didn’t feel the urge to comment, because he was certain Cas solely tried to explain his musings to him. </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Before I met you, I was convinced I actually knew everything there is to know. But like my knowledge about humanity…“ He paused for a moment. "I was proven wrong. What you just told me, explains it much better to me.“</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Dean fiddled with his jacket and didn’t know what to do with his hands. They felt sweaty, yet frozen at the same time. This resembled Dean’s inner turmoil because he felt so warm and also cold due to his fear of doing something wrong. He sniffed the night air, enjoying the clearness and purity it possessed.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Screw it,“ he thought and scratched the back of his head. Then he put his hand over Cas’ and squeezed it. "I’m so fucking thrilled you’re here,“ he murmured and leaned his head side wards until it fell down on Cas’ shoulder. Cas didn’t say anything, drew in air instead.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He didn’t back away from Dean, and Dean thought it’d be okay to stay this way at least for this single moment. He was allowed a moment of peace, he decided. </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Cas‘ shoulder was firm and broad, and Dean could smell him so intensely. As usual, he was reminded of honey, but there was also something so indefinable which was uniquely and exclusively Cas and like no other scent he knew.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>A bit like lime with sweet notes, but also woodsy and fresh. Dean felt overwhelmed by it, this scent aroused him and made him happier than pie. Cas‘ hand felt smoother than expected. There were some rough spots, sure, especially on his knuckles, but other than that Cas’ skin was so soft. He stroked the hand slowly, tried to internalize all parts of it.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>After a few minutes Dean felt self-conscious and parted from Cas. He stood up, unnecessarily dusted himself off and looked at Cas expectantly.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"Wanna go back?“ he said deliberately uninvolved. Cas tilted his head a bit, nodded and walked up to him.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Without warning, he threw his arms around Dean, nuzzled Dean’s neck with his nose. Dean returned the hug and let his hand linger on Cas‘ back for a while longer than he normally did.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Then, they looked at each other. Cas seemed a bit bewildered, maybe he was exhausted from the drive. Cas sighed softly and the little smile he gave Dean caused a pleasant shiver on his whole body. At that moment he – again – thought that Cas had never looked better and fought against the urge to kiss him senselessly. </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>For that he had to find more courage in himself, and he still hadn’t figured out Cas‘ viewpoint on this. He was so afraid to screw everything up – and losing Cas would crash him.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>They walked back in silence. It didn’t bother Dean that it began to drizzle a little. Sometimes, with all the hunting and saving the world, he forgot that there was a world outside. That this world and all nature, which he now only rarely got to see, were often exactly what he needed to relax.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>With his head facing the sky and his eyes closed, Dean caught the rain with his face and enjoyed the connection to his surroundings. He could clearly feel all the smells and sounds that he usually subconsciously noticed at that moment. </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>The soft splashing of water falling from the sky down to the earth, the barely perceptible rustling of leaves in the wind and the clear and fresh smell of the rain. The light wind penetrated him and all his thoughts were blown away with it.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>"I learned Elvish for the movie night later,“ Cas suddenly remarked. Dean grinned, shook his head and put an arm around Cas‘ shoulders.<br/>
"I didn’t expect anything else, sunshine.“ </p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>He concentrated and tried to remember a quote from Lord of the Rings which fit their relationship so well. It described kinda perfectly how his life had changed after meeting Cas. He’d read the books often enough.</p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p><p>Then he remembered. "Yeah? So you understand the following as well?“ He side glanced Cas and smirked. <em>”Elen síla lúmenn’ omentielvo“*</em></p><p>
  <strong></strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*translation: “A star shines on the hour of our meeting.“</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Moviefriggingtasticness, massages and gentle gestures</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean, Sam and Cas have a movie night. Cas gives Dean a massage. Later, Dean gets emotional and needs to touch Cas.</p><blockquote>
  <p>"No idea what you’re talking about. I’m fine,“ Dean mumbled. Had it been so stuffy and hot in here all the time? He was sweating so much he had to take his shirt off, ultimately only sitting there with his T-shirt.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Dean,“ Cas growled and moved closer on the sofa, approached him as fast as a wildcat. Dean was a little turned on by that, but that sensation faltered the moment Cas watched him kinda adoringly.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He then put his hand on Dean’s right, very naked shoulder. The exact same spot where he’d grabbed him out of hell, Dean noticed. Where the hand print used to be. His breathing stopped. "I KNOW your soul, so don’t pretend I’m stupid,“ Cas hissed.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, here we go, part 4. :) Writing this chapter was kinda intense for me (especially the end), a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. :D These wonderful lovebirds. Dean is a complex character, and I think it’s necessary for him to REALLY realize that Cas can help him with his fears etc. </p><p>Anyway, I hope the feelings are tangible. ;)</p><p>I suggest listening to “Iris“ by The Goo Goo Dolls while reading the second half… (Link: https://youtu.be/NdYWuo9OFAw)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam and Cas were already seated on the two armchairs, when Dean arrived for the movie night on the next evening, 7th of December. Dean didn’t comment on that although he had hoped for… different sitting arrangements. He sighed and let himself fall on the sofa.</p><p>"Where the hell have ya been, Cas?“ he asked reproachfully and gritted his teeth. He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh again, but they’d been so close last night – concerning the body contact and their conversations. He had figured it would mean something to Cas. This morning though, Cas had been gone again. "Answers are always appreciated.“</p><p>"Dean, just shut up and eat some popcorn,“ Sam said angrily. "Cas was out for a walk with Alissia.“ Who the hell was Alissia? Dean felt a sting of jealousy. Cas shifted in his seat and didn’t say anything at all. Fantastic, that had to be a record. He had ruined the mood in thirty seconds. Sometimes he was such an asshole.</p><p>Cas sighed and then he yelled at Dean, "I’m not leaving you, Dean. I’m not. I’m here and I will… stay. That is why you furnished the room for me after all.“</p><p>Dean looked away because he didn’t need to be called out like that in front of his little brother. Cas was right, of course.</p><p>"And for your information: I took the little plush bee with me you gave me. I think it’s a lovely welcome home gift. I named her Alissia because the name means righteous, kind and worthy. So I will always associate her with you.“</p><p>And this, this was a whole new level of "too many feelings“ for Dean. Cas couldn’t say those things as a matter of course and not without warning. Dean didn’t deserve this. Only now did he see the little bee which sat on Cas‘ lap, and this sight was so fucking adorable. Then he inspected the rest of the table who had all kinds of chips, coke, popcorn. Dean had to make it better, he had to.</p><p>"How ‘bout cookies?“ he said out of context and watched their reactions. They both only stared at him, though, and seemed to be at a loss for words. "Baking. I thought we could make Christmas cookies tomorrow,“ he grumbled because he certainly wouldn’t suggest it a second time. Sam watched him curiously, but Cas smiled broadly. Well, that was a start. "I think that’s a wonderful idea,“ Cas replied, and Sam nodded.</p><p>"Yeah, that’s the right spirit. I was thinking you suddenly lost your euphoria. I mean, you were the one who wanted to make it as Christmassy as possible. Since Cas will celebrate with us,“ Sam reminded Dean. Oh, Sam was such a little piece of shit, sometimes. He knew exactly how to tease him.</p><p>"You got it,“ he said and opened himself a bottle of beer. He still needed the perfect Christmas gifts – and the food, that was another task to solve. Maybe the baking would bring him into the right mood. Then he side glanced Cas who seemed to be deep in thought.</p><p>"So, we’re watching 'em save Middle Earth now, or what?“ Since noone complained, Dean started The Two Towers. Finally, there’d be the moviefriggintasticness he waited a whole week for. After a few minutes Dean was deeply involved in the plot again and enjoyed the whole situation enormously.</p><p>The sofa was very comfy, and he loved how much space there was, the depth being the best part. Two persons would fit on the seat perfectly and could enjoy the cushy armrests and backrests, hell, you could even sleep on here. Dean allowed his mind to wander for a moment, and these thoughts alone made his belly prickle.</p><p>They watched Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli chase the orks to rescue Merry and Pippin. Cas seemed to be intrigued by Aragorn because he always sat up straight as a die in his chair, when he appeared or said something. So Cas had a crush on Aragorn, who would’ve thought. Dean smiled to himself.</p><p>"Damn, I wish I’d look that good with dirt all over me,“ Dean said out loud, only half joking. Sam mumbled something that sounded a lot like "kinks“, and Cas, he seemed to be… flustered? No, that couldn’t be the case, perhaps he thought Dean was a crazy person and talking nonsense again.</p><p>"Sam has a great character,“ Sammy announced after a while and chuckled about his own joke.</p><p>"Dude, you’re just saying that because you two have the same name.“ Dean rolled his eyes and nibbled some popcorn. He liked Samwise, he was one of his favorites, but it was too much fun to irritate Sam. "No, I’m not… I just think he’s…“</p><p>"I agree with Sam,“ Cas interrupted them. "He is a true hero, pure to the core. I enjoy watching him take care of Frodo.“ Honestly, who would contradict Cas‘ sincerity?</p><p>After some time, the film reached the point where Frodo was about to give the ring to the Nazgûl. Samwise gave his speech and Dean always found a bit of hope in his words. He listened to the words again, really listened.<br/>
<em>”Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.“</em></p><p>
For a few seconds Dean watched Cas, who smiled happily and leaned closer to the TV with every word. The background music got louder. This moment was everything.
</p><p>
It was already half past 11, when the movie ended. And damn, now Dean was so intrigued, he had to watch the next part as well. Sam yawned loudly and told them he was too tired to watch for another four hours.
</p><p>
Dean threw Cas a glance. “Well, you don’t have an excuse, buddy, you don’t sleep.“ He wiggled his eyebrows a few times and grinned.
</p><p>
"I wasn’t planning on leaving,“ Cas said calmly. "You still get your surprise for today,“ he almost whispered. Dean rubbed his nose because with all the fun they had the last hours he hadn’t even thought about the surprises. Now he felt excited.
</p><p>
"Okay, so is it in my bedroom, or are you gonna give it…?“
</p><p>
Abruptly, Cas was right beside him. With a commanding voice he said, "Move over, Dean“, and holy shit, that must’ve been the sexiest sentence Dean had heard all year.
</p><p>
And now he felt flustered, insanely flustered, because what was going on here? He side glanced Cas who studied his profile. "Cas, you gonna elaborate any time soon?“ Cas took a deep breath, and Dean was mind-baffled by his mien, it was impossible to look away.
</p><p>
"Start the movie.“ So Dean did. He felt Cas’s hands on his neck, and Dean noticed Cas was sitting right behind him. Well, that certainly was one possibility to take advantage of the sofa’s depth. Cas‘ thumbs rubbed and kneaded his muscles with the perfect combo of pressure and gentleness. Cas pressed and pressed, and then he used his other fingers as well. He’ll be damned, but this felt fucking amazing.
</p><p>
"A massage, Cas? That’s your surprise for today?“ he asked huskily. Cas didn’t answer, he only continued his sweet torture. The longer he massaged him, the less Dean could attentively watch the movie.
</p><p>
"I read in an article that massages are a common method to relax people. Since you’re under a high level of tension, I wanted to change that.“ Tension was the right word, yeah. In fact, the massage felt so good his whole body reacted, and this right here wasn’t the right moment for a boner.
</p><p>
Nonetheless, he enjoyed Cas‘ soft and firm touches. Dean had to talk the tension away, maybe that would make it better. 
"You’re very good at this. Did ya often give massages in the past?“
</p><p>
"No,“ Cas said gruffly. "Never.“
</p><p>
"You’re kidding, Cas,“ Dean replied, although he felt relieved. "Son of a bitch, you’re a guy with many talents,“ he mumbled. Cas hummed and continued with more pressure. Dean could feel Cas applied more strength now. His neck and back were indeed sore, and so this was the perfect treatment right now. A small moan escaped him and fuck, this was the best massage ever.
</p><p>
He felt bold and gave in because otherwise he’d probably never move a step forward.
</p><p>
He rolled to the side, laid down on his stomach, so he could still face the screen. "Climb on my back, it’s easier then.“
</p><p>
Cas did as Dean had suggested, and now Dean was screwed. For an eternity Cas massaged his whole back. When Cas shifted on the lower part of his back, touching his ass by mistake, Dean felt so aroused he thought he’d have to escape to the shower. Instead, he stayed and tried to control himself, because the massage really did relax him.
</p><p>
Sometimes Cas used his whole hands kneading the tensed spots, later he only used his fingertips. The latter was even worse because Dean could also feel his finger nails. As his mind (and cock) couldn’t take it anymore, he cleared his throat and turned his head over his shoulder. "Thank you, that was… helpful.“ He grinned playfully at Cas, who smiled so innocently Dean’s heart stumbled.
</p><p>
Cas stayed with him on the sofa after that. Although Dean would’ve loved to simply close the distance between them and sat right beside (or on) Cas, he didn’t. He was too overwhelmed and agitated, and honestly, it was enough that Cas was with him. They commented on the scenes, cheered for the characters and damn, this was so much fun. They’d definitely need to watch more movies together. Loads of.
</p><p>
The final scenes played, the resolution, and suddenly, it was all too much. Frodo’s departure always made him feel so melancholic, and he had to turn his head away because there was the traitorous tear again. It got even worse, as soon as he saw Samwise who had his family and was able to tell his own stories in the future and write them down in the book. He identified with that.
</p><p>
Dean thought about his own family, the ones he had lost – and he thought about Sammy and Cas who he’d had to witness getting hurt and dying over and over. And right now it was too much. He swallowed and suddenly he cried. Son of a bitch, he thought – this wasn’t the way he’d imagined the night to turn out. He harrumphed rather angrily, and Cas immediately withdrawed to the other end of the sofa.
</p><p>
"I need to piss,“ Dean said, and of course it was the ideal cue to escape. He was an idiot, such an idiot. He had been so close, so close to maybe kissing him. And now he was a coward again, and he hated himself for it.
</p><p>
He came back at last, almost sat down on the armchair instead of the sofa because he just didn’t want to be near anybody right now. More precisely, he’d preferred not to be near himself. Then he saw Cas who looked in his direction. So reassuringly and gently.
</p><p>
Hence, Dean pulled one corner of his mouth upwards, clicked his tongue and let himself slide on the sofa once more. "Don’t be ridiculous, Dean. You can’t always run away, it’s childish,“ Cas commented.
</p><p>
Dean was about to give him a snarky answer, but only raised his shoulders. "Yeah, you’re not exactly a role model in that department either, ya know,“ Dean replied.
</p><p>
"I never said I was,“ Cas admitted. "I might not be able to grasp human emotions – your emotions – that easily, but I see you are afraid. You don’t have to be. I am not judging you for showing weakness. It makes you more courageous in my eyes.“
</p><p>
Dean coughed and didn’t know how to react to that. "Cas, you don’t have to say that. I’m a grown man, I can handle a few emotions.“
</p><p>
"Not really,“ Cas said. Dean pierced him with his eyes, and Cas backed off a bit. "I meant, you always think you have to be the strong one. You take all those burdens, you watch after Sam because he is your responsibility, but you forget that you’re allowed to give in to your softer side and needs once in a while.“
</p><p>
"No idea what you’re talking about. I’m fine,“ Dean mumbled. Had it been so stuffy and hot in here all the time? He was sweating so much he had to take his shirt off, ultimately only sitting there with his T-shirt.
</p><p>
"Dean,“ Cas growled and moved closer on the sofa, approached him as fast as a wildcat. Dean was a little turned on by that, but that sensation faltered the moment Cas watched him kinda adoringly.
</p><p>
He then put his hand on Dean’s very naked shoulder. The exact same spot where he’d grabbed him out of hell, Dean noticed. Where the hand print used to be. His breathing stopped. "I KNOW your soul, so don’t pretend I’m stupid,“ Cas hissed.
</p><p>
He removed his hand and shook his head. "I am more powerful than many creatures on earth, but I’m not omniscient. When you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine. But don’t be so amusing and open and honest in one moment, and then turn back to your nasty self, this stupid, stupid facade. It confuses me and shows me all my mistakes I made in the past. Just don’t.“ Dean wasn’t used to Cas being so emotional, and he regretted his behavior – again.
</p><p>
"Can’t help it,“ Dean exclaimed. "I am trying, but it’s not like I can erase all my foibles overnight.“ Cas didn’t reply, instead he watched the TV again. The menu had popped up again, and some title of the soundtrack was playing in the background.
</p><p>
Slowly, Dean raised his head, catching Cas‘ gaze at once. So many emotions were palatable in Cas‘ face, and Dean was amazed how wrong he’d been in assuming angels were heartless sons of bitches. Well, Cas was different, at least.
</p><p>
This moment showed Dean once again how much he needed Cas. His ridiculous blue eyes captivated him. Dean dived into them and could not turn his eyes away. The warmth they radiated was overwhelming. The two of them remained silent.
</p><p>
Hesitantly, for fear of sudden rejection, Dean moved closer to Cas until his legs touched his knees.
</p><p>
His smell of honey and lime and forest and Cas, which he would recognize everywhere, slowed his heartbeat a little. He smiled for a fraction of a second and then laid his head on Cas‘ left shoulder.
</p><p>
"Thanks,“ Dean grumbled. He hoped Cas recognized the seriousness. He’d often noticed that Cas understood without many words what was going on inside of him.
</p><p>
"Is everything alright with you?“ Cas asked.
</p><p>
"Dunno,“ he admitted. Right now, it was so easy to let his guard down, and this observation surprised Dean. He didn’t need to fear Cas‘ reaction. "I’m glad you’re here. The memories of the past are overwhelming. Again and again there is this fear. All too real, I feel like I’m there again.“
</p><p>
"My imagination probably doesn’t even come close to what you had to go through and are still going through today. I’m so sorry.“ Dean felt an arm around his waist. When Dean didn’t push him away, Cas let it rest there.
</p><p>
Images flickered in Dean’s head. Pictures that showed his mum. His dad. Darkness. Sammy, over and over again. Cas, so vulnerable and broken and gone - and no, Dean wouldn’t let anything else happen to him. Then, suddenly, the images were gone, even his sobs stopped.
</p><p>
Despair and fear made room again for other, more positive feelings. Before he could decipher them more precisely, tears were rolling down his cheeks again. Once again, he no longer understood himself.
</p><p>
Cas, who without doubt must’ve noticed his mood swigs, sighed briefly. Dean was so ashamed of his weakness. What was he thinking, tearing a hole in his wall?
</p><p>
He didn’t know how to deal with it, having avoided even reflecting about such feelings for so long. But they couldn’t disappear completely, now that Dean had escaped from the deafness.
</p><p>
"Just come here.“ Without waiting for his reaction, Cas pulled him onto his fucking lap, as if Dean weighed nothing, and kept talking to him.
</p><p>
Unlike Dean, Cas couldn’t grasp this apparent certainty. The certainty that he would never be redeemed. That he would carry this burden forever, no matter how hard he fought it. How hard he tried to create something better for himself, to find and obtain something more beautiful. He threw himself into hunting, always the job, hoping to find peace of mind. Real happiness didn’t come.
</p><p>
Cas was there, he still wanted to be with him and didn’t let himself be frightened by Dean at all. Dean was not alone. Again there was this warmth that blanked out everything else. Cas was there. Dean reminded himself of this little fact, and it helped him to calm down.
</p><p>
Experiencing the feeling that someone was there gave him more self-assurance. Dean trusted Cas, and he could share his doubts and worries with him. Could it really be that simple? He continued to fight against the bad memories, made himself aware again and again that Cas would not suddenly disappear.
</p><p>
Dean tried to perceive Cas and only him. His closeness, his smell, the noises he made - simply everything.
</p><p>
Cas lifted Dean’s chin, looked him in the eyes for a long time and assured him for so long that everything would be okay, that Dean’s mind understood.
</p><p>
Finally, all the images dissolved for good, and Dean was sure he was in the present. It was astonishing how much happiness was now spreading within him.
</p><p>
He felt terrific, which Dean’s reaction to their physical contact clearly proved. The unbearable cold had receded into the background, and something developed in him that he could not define at first. This state was so powerful that it completely absorbed Dean and made all other thoughts fade away. Dean couldn’t remember ever having felt anything like it before.
</p><p>
Everything in him was tingling, the tingling grew stronger by the second.
</p><p>
His breath accelerated. He tried to sit differently, hoping it would change something, but nothing helped. Besides, he had found his previous sitting position more comfortable, so he turned back.
</p><p>
Suddenly, he had the urge to touch Cas even more, and he explored Cas‘ cheek with his hand. His skin was soft - despite the small hairs on his chin - and Dean had to force himself to loosen his hand again. He traced the contours of Cas‘ face with his fingertips. Still absorbed in his eyes, he was surprised that Cas suddenly held his hand in the air.
</p><p>
"I take it you liked the massage?“ he said and smiled.
</p><p>
His voice had sounded very smoky and even deeper than usual. And really, why were their roles turned? Dean was supposed to be all flirty and cheeky, and he had wanted to throw himself over Cas‘ body and show him the very best french kiss.
</p><p>
And he would do that, oh and how extensively he’d do it, but right now the feeling of belonging meant so much more to him. A shiver went through him, and his first thought was if he was getting cold again. At a second shiver Cas took him in his arms, obviously wanting to warm him.
</p><p>
Cas was so stiff and clumsy, as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Dean always tended to forget human interactions were still new to Cas, especially the ones including body contact. Dean carefully moved out of the hug and found himself more captivated in his gaze than before. He was no longer able to control his actions.
</p><p>
"Good things do happen, Dean,“ Cas said and repeated his words from a decade ago. Dean laughed bitterly, rolled off Cas‘ lap, and was on the verge to give Cas his old response. It would be so easy to fall back into his old patterns, only saying again, "Not in my experience.“ They could shut up about his feelings, and Dean, he could go on with his life like before.
</p><p>
But he didn’t want that, not really. Dean swallowed. His lips trembled, and he felt so vulnerable. His breathing stopped. "Yeah, you happened,“ he mumbled, searched Cas‘ face as if he was the one anchor which could hold him right now. Cas watched him, seemed to process what he just heard.
</p><p>
Then he patted Dean’s arm in such a dorky way that Dean thought it had been a dream that the same guy had given him a hard-on solely with his massage not so long ago. He raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a crooked smile.
</p><p>
"So next time, we’re gonna watch in my room. Pulp Fiction. Let’s say Saturday,“ Dean announced. There it was again, his confidence. He didn’t care if this sounded too obvious. He needed the closeness and possible togetherness with Cas. Cas didn’t answer, just continued staring at him.
</p><p>
"With pleasure,“ he finally replied. "And tomorrow there’ll be cookies and… you’ll see.“ Cas winked.
</p><p>
They went back to their rooms, walking next to each other. When they reached the corridor, Dean lingered in front of his door for a moment. He wanted to thank Cas, he wanted Cas with him, but he couldn’t ask him that, could he? It would be weird. But after this outburst earlier? Dean shouldn’t be embarrassed anymore. So he just asked.
</p><p>
"You gonna stay with me for a while longer tonight?“ he asked and smirked at him. Maybe the question had been a bit suggestive, but Cas wouldn’t notice anyway.
</p><p>
Cas smiled and said the words Dean had been longing to hear. "Of course, Dean. I’ll watch over you.“
</p><p>
Dean went to bed soon after. Though Cas only took an armchair and placed it right beside the side where he slept, Dean felt completely <em>secure</em>.
</p><p>
He drifted off to sleep and in these moments he was fairly certain there’d be no nightmares for a change.
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Lover‘s special and cookie dough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Cas go for a drive to buy a Christmas tree, and they get mistaken for a couple. Back in the bunker they bake Christmas cookies and Dean teaches Cas about cookie dough.</p><blockquote>
  <p>"Dean,“ Cas whispered conspiratorially in his left ear, which caused a shiver on Dean’s neck. "I think this woman might assume we are in a romantic relationship.“ Cas‘ words had gotten dramatic over the last two words, and Dean chuckled.</p>
  <p>"You don’t say.“ Then Dean lowered his head and whispered, "Just follow my lead. We’re getting the best tree they have.“</p>
</blockquote>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I think this chapter turned out quite light-hearted. They are SO soft, I can’t help it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Angel Cookies.“ Cas read the recipe’s title out loud and laughed to himself. "This is amusing. I like the blue and purple grains on top. Will we be adding these ingredients as well?“ he asked eagerly, and really, there was no way Dean could say no to that.</p><p>"Sure. If we’re gonna get our bodies dirty for this baking business, we will do it properly,“ Dean said and tapped Cas‘ back. Cas turned around and looked at Dean with confusion. "Why is getting dirty a requirement?“</p><p>At that Dean had to laugh so loudly he had to clap his thighs after a while. "You’ll see.“ Cas seemed to be okay with these prospects, and hummed happily. Holiday tunes. Dean snorted because seeing Cas singing Christmas songs to himself wasn’t something he’d expected so see anytime in his life, but he liked it. "That Last Christmas you’re humming there?“ he asked incredulously.</p><p>"Yes, it is very catchy, and I like how it gets stuck in my head the whole day.“ Only Cas would think getting an earworm was a good thing. Dean walked up right beside Cas now, watching the angel for a while.</p><p>Cas studied the recipes so thoroughly Dean was sure he was memorizing them. "Are we baking star-shaped cinnamon biscuits?“ Cas asked. "I found a liking in the scent of cinnamon since you’re so "into it“.“ Dean grumbled in approval, and when Cas started talking about how much he’d enjoy making little trees, stars and hearts, Dean sent Sam a short "Buy cookie cutters!“</p><p>"Your surprise for today is on the kitchen table,“ Cas muttered suddenly. Dean felt excited and soon discovered an old paperback. As he read the title – History and Mysteries of The Wild West –  he chuckled. "Awesome,“ he mumbled. Right next to the book laid a western belt, not too obtrusive, but clearly dicernible as one. It was exactly after Dean’s taste.</p><p>"Cas you’re spoiling me,“ Dean said. His eyes were glued to Cas‘, and they shortly flickered to his lips. Cas watched him, irritation written on his face. Dean shrugged and smiled. "I like it. C’mere,“ he said and pulled Cas into a hug. "How do I deserve you,“ he said, as he buried his nose in the crook of Cas‘ neck.</p><p>"Dean,“ Cas said accusingly and backed away from him.  </p><p>"I know, I know. I deserve good things, I get it.“ Dean raised both hands in the air, and winked at Cas. "No need for fighting today, alright? We’re gonna have an awesome day.“</p><p>Dean instantly put the belt on, and turned around a few times right in front of Cas. On top of that, he winked at him cheekily, leaned back against the table and put one foot on the chair nearby. He then clasped his thumbs in his jeans‘ waistband and yeah, now he felt a bit cowboy-ish at last. Again he was surprised because he could be immature with Cas in a liberating way. "So? What do you think?“</p><p>Cas scanned his whole body for a while, making Dean a bit uncomfortable, yet he felt somehow coveted. He didn’t know if Cas meant to undress him with his eyes, but Dean sure felt that way.</p><p>"Howdy partner,“ Cas said after an eternity, and grinned. Holy crap, this guy was too precious for this world and needed to be protected at all costs. Protected by Dean.</p><p>"If you like it, I wear the belt today. Gotta make a good impression out there, right?“ He didn’t specify who exactly he wanted to impress, but he thought it might have been noticeable in his voice.</p><p>Since Sam wanted to go for a run after shopping, they’d decided to do the baking in the afternoon. Dean put an arm around Cas’ shoulders and nudged him in the side. "How about we buy that Christmas tree now?“</p><p>After 10 minutes of driving or so Cas made a confused noise. "Why aren’t we driving into town? The Christmas trees are there.“ Dean fiddled with the radio and searched for a station. "That’s right. Still, I wanted to do this thing differently.“ He coughed and damn, he shouldn’t always feel uncertain when doing something nice.</p><p>"I figured you would be devastated if you saw all the chopped up trees there, no longer in their natural habitat and doomed to, ya know, dry out and die, as soon as Christmas is over.“ Dean looked at Cas, who indeed gave a wince of pain. "So we’re driving to a tree farm and chop our own tree. How does that sound?“</p><p>"Dean. That’s very considerate of you, thank you.“ Cas‘ breathing got ragged, and he seemed to be actually touched by the approach. "Little road trip, just you and me, mmh?“ Dean said lightly. The tree farm was roughly an hour away, but Dean thought it would be worth the efforts. Online he’d read many user reviews which praised the variety, good conditions and also the friendliness of the owners.</p><p>"There will also be our other ride,“ Cas said. "You wanted to show me a place.“</p><p>"Yeah, you’re right,“ Dean replied and turned up the volume. "Chris Rea, man. That’s the best Christmas song out there, not that Wham! crap.“ He started whistling the melody, and Cas snorted beside him.</p><p>"We need to get into the Christmas mood, don’t we?“ Cas only hummed along to the tune and in doing so always made some gruff, Cas-specific noises. Dean’s body was full of serotonin. Showing feelings, emotions coming from deep within, wasn’t his strong suit. He knew he was difficult to say the least when it came to accepting or even recognizing them in the first place. </p><p>Here in the car with Cas though, he existed in some happiness zone. This was the moment Dean knew he could listen to Cas‘ little sounds for a whole day without ever getting tired of it. Maybe it could be enough to dwelve in this kind of happiness for a while. Being with Cas, being his true self with him, was magnificent. Terrifying, but magnificent.</p><p>He had no freaking clue as how tell Cas how great he made him feel. He tried, but he knew it wasn’t enough – as yet. Cas still had no idea how much he actually felt. Dean wanted to change that, but honestly, he was a snail in that department. </p><p>Every action, every word, which somehow showed his real feelings took so much effort, and it was difficult to act on his feelings, as he tried to, and still not knowing how Cas felt. Cas processed everything so differently, maybe the emotions he felt weren’t comparable to the ones humans had normally. Dean shook his head, since it definitely wasn’t the right moment to overthink this stuff. He just wanted to be now.</p><p>Dean wound down the window and enjoyed the cold winter breeze for a moment. The sun was shining and created beautiful shadows and patterns. Sometimes the trees appeared bigger, more majestic, because their crowns wore the sun rays like diamonds. Even little holes on the street, which made it harder to go uphill or around the curves, weren’t as annoying as they normally would be. </p><p>Dean felt like the world showed him the same peacefulness, idyll and quiet he felt within himself. There weren’t many cars on the road, therefore Dean hit the gas, and soon Baby was sliding over the asphalt as fast as Dean felt comfortable with.</p><p>The song finished, and Dean changed the radio stations multiple times, until he found "Driving Home for Christmas” again. Cas snickered at that, but he didn’t complain. Very quietly Dean started singing because he knew the lyrics by heart. Every few seconds he looked at Cas, who now was bobbing in his seat, then moved left and right in alternation. Dean beamed, and wished this ride would never end.</p><p>He didn’t feel uncomfortable singing in Cas‘ presence, because it was Cas. He wouldn’t make fun of him. The guy surprised him every day, literally, so there was nothing to worry about.</p><p>“You have a wonderful singing voice, Dean. Rich and deep and velvety,“ Cas commented apropos of nothing, after Dean had finished. "I don’t understand why you are always singing out of tune on purpose, it doesn’t make any sense.“</p><p>Dean laughed wholeheartedly. "You’re clearly exaggerating, buddy, but thank you anyway.“ He stroked Cas‘ left thigh for a second, removing his hand directly after. He was getting more comfortable with the whole body contact stuff day by day. Normally, he wasn’t so touchy-feely, but with Cas he craved for it.</p><p>"You touch me more often than you did in the past,“ Cas said, as if he’d been reading Dean’s mind.</p><p>"Yeah.“ Dean coughed, and now he did feel embarrassed at last. "Got a problem with that?“ he pumped Cas.</p><p>"No, of course not,“ Cas answered buggedly. "Hugging you and touching you in general is one of my favorite things to do.“</p><p>Dean’s head shot sidewards after that simple assertion. "Interesting,“ he mumbled. "I suppose you’re curious in terms of human interactions then.“</p><p>"There is nothing more fascinating to me than discovering new human quirks and actions every day.“ Okay, so obviously Cas was on a whole carpe-diem-trip, and Dean didn’t know what to make of it.</p><p>"Of course, you remain my favorite teacher regarding those matters, Dean,“ Cas whispered, the moment Dean parked in front of the tree farm. Again Cas had used the reference to Dean’s message, it had to mean something.</p><p>The corners of Dean’s mouth shot up. "Always happy to be of service.“ In a matter of seconds he exited Baby, ran outside and opened the passenger door.</p><p>"Come on, Cas, we’ve got work to do,“ he announced goofily. Cas looked at him and smiled a little at Dean’s obvious excitement.</p><p>Dean, too chipper to care about his doubts, tucked his arm into Cas‘, and they went to the entrance.</p><p>A woman approached them. She was an elder woman, probably in her early sixties, with a motherly and inviting smile. She had a cordial charisma, and Dean liked her immediately. She introduced herself as Emmeline.</p><p>"What a delight. You two cuties are a sight for an old woman’s eyes. A match made in heaven, that’s for sure.“ Dean snorted. "You’re looking for a Christmas tree, I take it?“</p><p>Dean nodded and explained the bunker’s room conditions to her. Meanwhile he gently pulled Cas with him, who hadn’t said a single word in the last minutes. Probably he was still adjusting to the whole ordeal – "chopping one of Daddy’s creations“.</p><p>"Oh, we have some trees which would be perfect for you, in my opinion. Just walk in the left direction for about five minutes and you’ll find what you’re looking for. You’ll see: The trees will create a special coziness as soon as you approach them.“ She straggled away after that. Dean laughed, because this woman was lovely.</p><p>Emmeline squealed, spun around on her heel and came to them again. "My lovelies, I almost forgot.“ She watched Dean closely, smiling broadly. "Both so handsome, my my. You two are lucky to have each other.“</p><p>She tweaked Dean’s cheek for a second like a grandmother would do, and he didn’t know whether to be indignant or amused. "We have our lover’s special, today. Better price conditions – oh, and you get free mulled wines of course if you like. We always have to support blossoming love.“</p><p>Emmeline put a hand over her heart and sighed. "Tell me if I can help you in any way.“ She smiled like it was Christmas already, and now Dean was on fire. He could kill two birds with one stone. It was ideal, and he was proud of himself.</p><p>"Dean,“ Cas whispered conspiratorially in his left ear, which caused a shiver on Dean’s neck. "I think this woman might assume we are in a romantic relationship.“ Cas‘ words had gotten dramatic over the last two words, and Dean chuckled.</p><p>"You don’t say.“ Then Dean lowered his head and whispered, "Just follow my lead. We’re getting the best tree they have.“</p><p>Dean cleared his throat. "Actually, Emmie, we do need a bit of assistance. You see, we recently moved in together, and we didn’t have the chance to unpack yet.“ He paused for dramatics and grinned suggestively.</p><p>"We only assembled the most important furniture, the bed for instance. We didn’t even get the chance to bring tools here, so much chaos in our love nest or … in the den of iniquity, as we like to call it on occasion.“ Cas laughed out loud. Dean slightly shook his head at him, as to stop him from laughing, and then he shot the lady his most charming smile.</p><p>He whispered to her, "I really want to make my sunshine happy, ya know. And I thought having a tree near our fireplace, some blankets, wine, sensual music. It could be the perfect Christmas Eve in our new home.“ His heart jumped at those thoughts, and he wished, more than anything, it was the truth.</p><p>Emmie laughed quietly and fondled Dean’s arm. "Oh, you’re a keeper, I knew it,“ she muttered back, only audible for him.</p><p>He looked at Cas, who didn’t seem to understand anything at this moment. "Trust me on this, Cas,“ he murmured reassuringly, now taking Cas‘ hand in his. He stroked it a few times and interlaced their fingers.</p><p>It was ironic that in this situation when he only pretended to be with Cas he didn’t feel nervous at all. It was all so natural, and he found comfort in that. Maybe that was a sign for the real them.</p><p>Emmie showed them some impressive trees, all tall and lush green. They carried the significant scent around them, and the branches looked healthy and strong. Perfect for decorations and ornaments.</p><p>Dean looked at Cas expectantly. "So, what do you say, Cas?“ he whispered, and right now he ignored they were in the middle of nowhere, people all around them. Cas tilted his head and his whole face gleamed with happiness. "You want me to choose?“ he asked delightedly. "Nobody could make a better choice,“ Dean answered. And that really was the truth.</p><p>Cas took his new task very seriously and inspected all the trees nearby for a long time. He always stroked the needles, smelled at them, closed his eyes and whispered something. Then he went around every single tree, looked them up and down one after another, narrowing his eyes. Dean felt whole, only by watching this scene.</p><p>Finally, Cas looked up and pointed to a tree to his right. "This one.“ Dean didn’t know how he managed it, but he convinced Emmie to call for help. Then he and the other man chopped the tree, a beautiful, perfectly shaped Fraser Fir with silvery-green needles. They felt soft under his fingertips, and he was sure the ornaments and Christmas balls would look amazing on the branches.</p><p>They drank their mulled wine, though Dean took one without alcohol, and celebrated their gain. It was peaceful and made him happy. After that Cas, the powerful angel he was, carried the tree all the way to the car as if he was holding pillows over his shoulder.</p><p>At the car Dean smiled and congratulated Cas for his choice. Then he approached him, took his hand again and intertwined their fingers once more. "We’re not out there anymore, and we already got our hot drinks,“ Cas remarked.</p><p>Dean chewed his lips, raised an eyebrow and gently moved his thumb over the back of Cas‘ hand. "Well, as far as I’m concerned, I don’t need a pretense to be affectionate.“</p><p>And with that he ran to the door and jumped onto the seat.</p><p>Back in the bunker they presented the tree to Sammy who was really happy with their choice. "Maybe we should name it, make it more domestic. What do you guys say?“ He looked at them, and Dean nodded. "Cas, you chose it, you name it.“</p><p>Cas only reflected for a few seconds. "Bobby, I’d like to name him Bobby.“ Dean and Sam both drew in air sharply, but it was decided. The name was perfect.</p><p>Afterwards, their baking marathon started, and that wasn’t an exaggeration. They made so much dough they easily could’ve fed 10 more persons with it. When they could finally cut the cookies, Cas got so fucking eager Dean almost kissed him on the forehead right there in the kitchen. While Sam made some respectable spritz cookies, Cas announced he would roll the pastry. He took the first dough out of the bowl and massacred it with the rolling pin.</p><p>Two minutes later, Dean couldn’t take this sight anymore. "Cas,“ he said softly. "Lemme.“ He stood right beside Cas and grinned at him. "First, you put some flour on it. Like this.“ He prepared the dough and looked at Cas who watched him so intensely as if Dean was on the verge of presenting a new invention. Quietly, Dean laughed to himself and threw some flour right into Cas‘ face and on his shirt. As he saw Cas‘ appalled facial expression, he cackled. "See, that’s how you get dirty.“</p><p>"Dean, that was not necessary at all,“ Cas scolded. Dean nudged him in the side again and murmured, "Sorry“. Then he threw another hand of flour at Cas, who now escaped him. "Hiya, Cas, we’re not finished. Come back here, would you?“ Dean commanded and nodded at him. Cas took some flour and shoved it right into Dean’s hair, and yeah, maybe he’d deserved that.</p><p>In the background Sam was laughing, clearly amused about their bickering. Demonstratively, Cas kept more space between them which was a pity, really. Dean showed Cas how to properly roll the pastry. "You should use your hands, too, from time to time. Some pressure, not too much, and knead it a bit.“</p><p>He moved closer to Cas and whispered, "It’s not unlike the massage, ya know.“ He grinned at Cas who nodded understandingly and smiled a little. "Show me,“ Dean mumbled, and of course, he was turned on now, out of all times.</p><p>Cas did good, he got the hang of it, but Dean just needed this excuse. And so he placed himself right behind Cas, put his arms around Cas‘ body, so he could reach the countertop as well. He moved closer into Cas‘ back, and send a quick prayer to who knew who that he would survive this.</p><p>Damn, Cas smelled so good, and he felt warm and his back was fucking buff, and Dean felt lost. He breathed. Then he put his hands over Cas‘, and they rolled the pastry together like pros. "Ta-da,“ he announced a few minutes later and high-fived Cas. "Oh and by the way, never let the rests get wasted, man. It’s a rule.“</p><p>He thought about using his finger for a split second. Since Sam was here and Dean wasn’t sure if he could handle the sensuality, he took the spoon instead and scraped out some dough. "Open your cakehole,“ he said and put the spoon directly in Cas‘ mouth. Cas licked his lips in a way that should be forbidden and smiled. "You’re right, it tastes delicious. I didn’t expect to taste anything but molecules.“ The fact Cas could actually taste the dough for some reason made Dean incredibly contented. He felt even more connected to him somehow.</p><p>They finalized their cookies by decorating them with beads, food coloring, chocolate, multicolored sugar and almonds. Then Cas suggested to write their names on it, and it was a hilarious procedure because they respectively wrote the names of the others on the biscuits. The results looked as if children had written them.</p><p>Certainly, the cookies didn’t have the perfect form and weight, no cookie resembled the other. Instead, they were pure chaos, a bunch of variety. Some cookies were too big, some too small, some too longish, some too broad. Sometimes the edges were missing, some cookies were slightly burned, some were still a bit too soft. </p><p>But as Dean took the last baking sheet out of the oven, he thought he’d never made something so perfect. He put the cooled off cookies in boxes, and he knew they’d be delicious, because he would always associate them with Sam and Cas and the memories of this day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. First Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean finally makes a move on Cas – and they kiss. :)</p><blockquote>
  <p><br/>So Dean did what he always thought he could do best: He tried to seduce Cas into kissing. For starters, he put his arm around Cas’ shoulders and leaned against him, and Cas, the innocent dude, just asked if he needed another cushion.</p>
  <p>Were they really talking about constructing a cushion fortress when they could roll through the sheets instead? Throwing all those cushions away and discover all the soft and hard parts of their bodies for a change.</p>
  <p>Screw it, this time Dean wasn’t afraid of the sexual implication, he wasn’t. He wanted that, he’d wanted all of that for years, but had stopped himself from being happy only because he’d been an idiot. He wanted Cas.</p>
  <p>However, Cas, he was so strange in that matter. Sometimes Cas looked at him like he would prefer him naked on the War Room table, sometimes he acted so distantly Dean was taken aback.<br/></p>
</blockquote>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, here’s the next part. There will be KISSING. :) Also: I wrote the little story at the beginning just for the cause of this fic – I thought Dean needed a different kind of surprise on this day. To encourage him... And tbh, I was in a Christmassy mood the day I wrote it.</p><p>I’m very excited to post this part (and a bit nervous). :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The three of them spent the 9th of December together, eating tons of their cookies, playing board games and listening to music. In the early evening though, Sam announced he wanted to visit Jody and the girls for the weekend. As he asked Dean and Cas if they wanted to accompany him, they exchanged a quick glance.<br/>
"Nah, next time,“ Dean answered hoarsely. "We already have plans, right, Cas?“ Cas nodded, and yeah, Dean only now became aware this had sounded like they were a married couple going out for a date. He snickered at that thought, and Cas looked at him with consternation. </p><p>After Sam had left, Cas awkwardly announced he had some business to attend to, but that he’d return the next day. Dean, not willing to get all angry again, nodded. "Okay.“ It wasn’t a bad thing, having the bunker for himself for one night. He listened to his music on full volume, made himself burgers with fries and then shamelessly watched Dr. Sexy for the rest of the evening. </p><p>When he was snuggled in his bed, sinking into the divine mattress, he noticed a beige piece of parchment, sitting on the armchair Cas had used the other night. On top of the parchment there was another piece of paper, smaller, obviously ripped out of a notebook. He recognized Cas‘ handwriting. </p><p>"<strong><em>Hello Dean, today I want to cheer you up and give you some "winter magic“. I found this little story and thought you might find it hopeful as well. It certainly remained in my memory.</em></strong>“ 

Dean smiled at that, and cautiously took the parchment into his hand. It was of high quality, and it seemed Cas had copied the story just for him. Dean huffed and puffed – then he started reading. </p><p>
  "<strong><em>Like every morning</em></strong>

he went jogging, before he drove to work. To wake up and recharge his batteries for the day and simply to escape the hectic pace of everyday life. Between the dense foggy clouds the ochre-colored rock towered majestically. The mornings were cold and it already smelled like winter. Rain drops covered the dirty road that led into the woods. 
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 A gusty wind blew on the plateau, cutting into his face. His footsteps whirled up the leaves, and soon the remaining red and golden leaves flew beside him. Not a soul was lost here in this weather, no one shared his madness.
    
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  When winter came, and it got colder and colder, the snow didn’t take long to fall.
   
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Now the morning jogging made place for a refreshing winter walk. The snow was practically everywhere. The streets, the houses, the forests, the fields – everything was covered with a thick blanket of snow. The air was absolutely pure. Pure and fresh. It was wonderful. He could smell the life in it.
 
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  The streets were empty. There was no person outside except for him. Big snowflakes trickled down on him and wetted his hair. More and more snow fell, and he was quickly soaked to the bone. He enjoyed it as much as he could. Happily he listened to all the sounds surrounding him. The swoosh of the wind, the snow scrunching under his shoes and the voices in the houses, which were only murmurs to him. 
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Everything was full of lights. Little candles and fairy lights. It was festive. For one moment he wished he could stay outside forever. He wandered and wandered and wandered. There was a snow angel right under his feet, which seemed to belong here in the wide open. In order to not destroy this perfect winter magic, he moved forward thoughtfully and carefully. Every step caused a scrunch. It was a sound he could never get enough of. 
  
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
He noticed how dawn gradually receded from the horizon and turned into bright daylight. The way the sun’s rays reflected off the snow were an unforgettable sight.
   
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 Even though every morning offered him variety and allowed him to discover something new, all these days had something in common – they were equally a mystery, a riddle that often occupied him for a very, very long time and did not let go. Every day he noticed a snow angel on the ground. 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
On this day, too, he was drawn out into nature again. The deeper he got, the more often he touched bushes and plants that gave way because of his resistance. The wind liberated his head and made the trees rustle. Snow trickled down on him, and he put his head in his neck to catch the flakes with his tongue. 
    
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  So he walked on and on, completely without haste, and finally stopped at the lake. Like every day. 

</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 But he was no longer alone. A woman looked at the frozen water, which shimmered in splendid tones of blue, and had turned her back on him. When she heard him approaching, she turned around. She was beautiful. She seemed otherworldly, so non-human, his breathing stopped. He continued looking at her and forgot the world outside existed. 
    
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  He caught her gaze, and her eyes told him everything and nothing. The rosy cheeks of her slightly heart-shaped face formed a lovely contrast to the white of the entire surroundings and also to her, for she was wearing a beige trench coat and a blue scarf.
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Her long black hair fell like a silk curtain over her shoulders. For a moment he saw a glimmer behind her, and wings appeared, barely noticeable, yet stunning and magnificent. They were black, but every few seconds they carried little sprinkles with all colors imaginable. He knew he’d never seen anything more ravishing in his life, and he couldn’t grasp how he out of all people deserved to witness this miracle. 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  At last, when the woman laughed lovely and melodically, he looked at her and was entirely enchanted by her in an instant. 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 Finally, he had an answer as to why he discovered a snow angel every morning. Again he looked at her face – enlightened with a smile – and he knew he was home. He saw her coming closer, approaching him in a magical and intriguing manner. Finally, she stood before him, greeted him only with a tiny smile and her hand on his shoulder. <strong>
        <em>Behind them the sky radiated in red, forming a veil above the forest’s green and lake’s blue.“</em>
      </strong>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
Dean swallowed and rubbed his eyes hastily. This was not what he had expected for today. Although the story had been a bit cheesy, it had touched him. Of course Cas would choose a story with an angel. The dork. Only when he turned the parchment, he saw a little angel pendant which was pinned to it. 

</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to interpret this surprise. This one seemed to be more intimate, more personal – and he liked it. A lot. Son of a bitch, he felt vulnerable and soft, and he was somehow convinced that was the exact thing Cas had wanted him to feel. 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Where the hell had Cas found this story? Cas had to be aware this little piece of fiction carried rather romantic tones, right? Or did he just like the angel part and thought nothing of it? Well, the movie night would show it. He hoped. Dean threw himself backwards into the pillows and wrapped his arms around himself, the angel pendant pinned to his chest. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  On the next morning Dean found a hunting knife on a shelf in the library. Right next to the surprise was a notepad with a bee motive which said, 
"<em>To promote your brave actions in the future.</em>“ 

Dean spent the morning with (unnecessarily) sharpening the knife and practicing his throwing techniques on a tree outside the bunker. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 After an overall quiet day, their movie night was there. Pulp Fiction was one of Dean’s favorites, and he’d waited so long to actually watch it with Cas. This evening on the 10th of December though? Dean barely noticed anything from the movie because all he could think about was how sinful Cas’ lips looked. 
    
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  They were on his bed, still keeping a small distance. Cas shifted besides him, apparently getting into a more comfortable position. And Dean went round the bend because he couldn’t keep his eyes off him. Dean laid on his side, so he could a better view on the screen. His blessing and curse at the same time was that he’d always see Cas from a side angle. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
Damn, the guy looked so good and, yes, particularly hot without his trench coat. He didn’t care anymore. He needed to kiss him, if only once, simply to know how it could feel. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  So Dean did what he always thought he could do best: He tried to seduce Cas into kissing. For starters, he put his arm around Cas’ shoulders and leaned against him, and Cas, the innocent dude, just asked if he needed another cushion.
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Were they really talking about constructing a cushion fortress when they could roll through the sheets instead? Throwing all those cushions away and discover all the soft and hard parts of their bodies for a change.
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Screw it, this time Dean wasn’t afraid of the sexual implication, he wasn’t. He wanted that, he’d wanted all of that for years, but he had stopped himself from being happy only because he’d been an idiot. He wanted Cas.
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  However, Cas, he was so strange in that matter. Sometimes Cas looked at him like he would prefer him naked on the War Room table, sometimes he acted so distantly Dean was taken aback.
    
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Why were angels so complicated? Why couldn’t he read Cas‘ mind? And most importantly, why was Dean so shitty at comprehending any possible signs? Dean started another move now, casually leaning over Cas‘ body to reach for the remote control. By doing so, he brushed Cas’ thigh with his arm, and he had to restrain himself from simply ripping his friend’s clothes off. "Need to change the volume,“ he explained like it wasn’t the worst excuse he could’ve come up with. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  He looked at Cas, and if he hadn’t known better, he could’ve sworn Cas was embarrassed. Cas cleared his throat and nodded delayed, barely noticeable. Dean shook his head in frustration. This strategy wasn’t working at all. 
    
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  "So, um, Cas...“ He paused. He had to be more confident, that was it. After all, that’s what normally worked. Still, this was the first time he tried to make out with his angelic best friend whom he was majorly attracted to and who unleashed passions in Dean he hadn’t known he possessed. "I thought I could return the favor, ya know. Giving you a massage?“ He’d sounded husky, but at least his voice didn’t shake like his courage did. 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 "Dean, I can heal myself, I don’t feel this kind of pain.“ And now Dean growled because he couldn’t handle this situation anymore. He clenched his jaw and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, fine,“ he hummed. "Have it your way. I’m gonna go get a beer. You want anything?“ He didn’t even give Cas a chance to answer and stormed out of the room. 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
Why was he so bad at this? He wanted this, and he didn’t want to scare Cas away. On top of that Dean also didn’t want to overwhelm himself, and really, Dean hadn’t felt that much at the same time for years. In forever, maybe. With two beers – because he didn’t want to be an asshole – he went back to his room again. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 For a second, he wondered what Sammy thought they were doing here all alone, but then again, he didn’t care. Wordlessly he put the beer on the second nightstand, took a sip out of his own bottle and threw himself on the bed again. He’d lost his patience, he had to do something. 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Hence, he put his arm around Cas‘ shoulders again and this time, he stayed this way. Cas didn’t flinch, but he also didn’t say anything or lean into the touch, and now Dean was hurt. Meanwhile, everything in Dean was yearning for Cas. He sighed and pinched his nose. "Dammit, Cas!“ 
   
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Cas moved at last, and he moved so close to him that their faces were merely inches apart. Dean knew his face, he’d analyzed it countless times over the last years, but right now, he couldn’t decipher it. Couldn’t find the key he needed to understand the hidden meaning. Cas tilted his head, and Dean couldn’t believe the guy. Did he really not know what he was getting at?
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  This time Cas didn’t smile, he looked at Dean insistently. He licked his lips, seemed to be waiting for something. Dean wanted Cas, he wanted him so much that his heart should’ve jumped out of his chest. Never had he wanted a kiss more, never had he longed for something so much. Cas – finally – nodded encouragingly, and immediately Dean pressed his mouth on his. Cas gasped and returned the kiss without hesitation.<br/>
Cas‘ hands rested on Dean’s back, and he pulled him closer. Automatically Dean wrapped his arms around his neck, his fingers now playing with the little hairs there. 
  
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  The kiss was calm and sensual. Cas tasted like nothing he’d ever experienced. So pure. So irresistible. Kissing him for real felt so much more fantastic than all his little fantasies at night hours or his dreams. Feelings of happiness flooded through Dean’s body, triggering an unprecedented pull of ecstasy in him. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Cas‘ lips were soft, moving carefully and gently against his. Cas stroked his back just as tenderly, exploring Dean as if he were a treasure. Fragile, and particularly valuable. Cas‘ enthusiastic movements made Dean confident, spurring his desire. Fuck, why hadn’t they done this years ago? 
     
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  His surroundings were forgotten as he intensified the kiss. Overwhelmed by his sensations, he tapped Cas‘ lower lip with the tip of his tongue. It was an action he had done so many times before, but never had his whole body seen fireworks. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Cas‘ mouth opened immediately and their tongues united. Pure passion poured down on Dean, and he buried his fingertips in Cas‘ hair, trying to pull him closer. Closer, ever closer, to feel everything about him. He knew he had to take the lead for now, since Cas wasn’t exactly experienced, but he didn’t care and it made him tingly to just do and feel everything he never dared to hope for in the past. 
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  He pulled away from Cas for a moment and studied his face in no time at all. Cas‘ eyes were closed, his mouth slightly opened. Rash breaths came out, a sound Dean had never expected to hear from the angel. And his lips, his lips looked even more plushy than usual. His features were completely relaxed, and Dean couldn’t believe he was the one responsible for this sight. 
    
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  Before he knew it, he claimed Cas‘ mouth again. This time it was Cas who pressed them closer together. He stroked Dean’s shoulders, again and again. Then his hands wandered and caused goosebumps all over his body. Dean, finally able to devour Cas like he’d always imagined, took his time, showing Cas everything there was to a kiss. He sucked at Cas‘ lips, nibbled at them slightly, licked them with the tip of his tongue. Then he kissed him again with all his yearning and passion and hunger and euphoria. And Cas, he reacted so intensely, kissed him back like there was nobody in the whole universe more kissable than Dean. He had never felt more desired in his life before. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
 "Fuck, feels so good,“ Dean muttered between two kisses. "Kissing. Closeness. You.“<br/>
"Dean,“ Cas panted heavily. Due to the whispering that followed, he’d almost missed the "Touch me“, but then Cas repeated it, and Dean was more than happy to obey. But he couldn’t rush things, this was all about getting to know Cas‘ body, learned what they both liked. Dean felt every muscle in the other’s body. 
      
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
As Cas‘ hands moved over Dean’s body parts, Dean didn’t know where he was located anymore. Caressing Cas felt more like being on a desert island now. Away from people. Only existing in a spot full of vitality, magic and idyll. Dean’s shirt stuck to his body, tickling him, and so he just ripped it off his chest, only leaving Cas‘ lips for a few seconds. 
     </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Again Dean moved closer to him, could feel his muscles through his well-fitting shirt. Then he grinned at Cas, arching his eyebrows, and he unbuttoned the stupid piece of clothing. He kissed Cas‘ upper body while his hands simultaneously explored every inch of it. Cas leaned closer to him, and Dean kissed his way alongside Cas‘ neck, sucked on it, even bit it softly. 
    
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Then Cas moaned uncontrollably, and he whimpered, panted and made the softest, yet dirtiest sounds Dean had ever heard him make. And he felt Cas‘ arousal as well, and that definitely brought him to other spheres. Like the last cog needed to make the gear fully function. At his moment Dean was a 100 percent sure he could never get that aroused by another person in his life again. 
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Dean perceived every touch, every stir and every sound so acute that his mind whirred. How Cas reacted to him turned him on, threw his head and heart in a turmoil as untamable and powerful as a hurricane. That and only that was how kissing was supposed to feel. Cas‘ hands grasped his cheeks, his thumbs gently stroked his skin. The longer the kisses lasted, the hotter they became. Dean’s whole body blazed. Their tongues played together, the kisses became more heatedly by the second.
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Dean’s arousal was overwhelming. Reaching into every fiber. A tingling sensation flowed through his entire body, causing him to pull Cas into his embrace for a moment, so Dean was able to throw one of those damn pillows above another. In this position Cas only kissed him more urgently, doing things with his tongue that should get an R-rating. 
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Dean, grabbing Cas‘ back even tighter, now climbed on his lap and enclosed his hips with his thighs. And he didn’t care it was too much for his body and heart, although he was already so hard it ached. He wanted to sense everything, wanted to cherish Cas. He shifted his full weight on Cas‘ body and kissed Cas as if his life depended on it. Damn, the memory foam excelled at this point. Dean planted gentle kisses on Cas‘ forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his mouth. Then he French-kissed him again. 
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Cas groaned softly into his mouth, placing his hands firmly but not too forcefully on his butt. Pressed Dean against his abdomen, so hungrily, so urgently, that Dean’s belly prickled. Cas‘ loud and wild moaning only excited him even more. Passionately Dean nibbled his lips, his hands stroking along Cas‘ sides. Cas rubbed against him, kissing him hard while he was at it, and Dean was about to lose his mind. 
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  His body trembled with life, as if he had awoken from an eternal sleep. 
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  They made out for hours, only kissing and touching, but it was so hot and thrilling, and Dean didn’t want to do anything else anymore. 
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
 Later that night, their bodies were entangled, and holy shit, he was blissfully happy. Dean moved sidewards and only watched Cas, smiling broadly at him. He cupped Cas‘ face with both hands, rested his forehead against Cas‘ for a second, before softly kissing his temple.
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Cas looked like he wanted to say something, but Dean shook his head. No, he didn’t want to talk now, he had to savor this moment as long as he could. He pulled Cas closer to him. Surreal about the whole situation was that Dean felt like a different person. 
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  He was always striving for control, orderly processes, lost all orientation, if he did not have the next target, the next hunt in sight. With Cas, however, this no longer played a role. The way he looked at Dean drove him crazy. Never had a person looked at him with such desire, listened to him with such admiration and attention. It was as if Cas could see right through his facade. 
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Cas effortlessly infused layer after layer which Dean had woven around himself since his childhood. To keep his composure, to not reveal his pure self. He had always known it: As soon as he looked into Cas‘ eyes, he could no longer hide behind his wall of sarcasm and anger. "You’re like an X-ray,“ Dean murmured against Cas‘ collarbone.
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  "Rays that come from a bulky apparatus. That’s a lovely compliment,“ Cas replied in a deadpan voice. Dean gurgled and buried his face in Cas‘ thick black hair. Cas‘ sarcasm baffled him once more. He credited Cas for reacting wittily to his weird comment when he obviously couldn’t make anything of it. 
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  Dean’s regular behavior was to dismiss his objection as void, to make a superficial statement and then quickly distract from the subject. It was inconceivable if he told the exact counterpart of what Cas was triggering in him, how he really felt. That’s how it was usually, but now he wanted Cas to take his words as a compliment. That he understood. 
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  He wanted Cas to ask him what was going on inside his head, and Dean, he would try to unravel his imaginary ball of wool in his presence. 
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  What was going on with him? It didn’t suit him to want to open himself up like that, suddenly not to eat up all his feelings and finally to push them away. He felt raw. 
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  "It’s a metaphor, Cas.“ Every word came slowly out of his mouth, as if something was resisting in him, preventing him from speaking the truth.
      
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
"I know, Dean,“ Cas said reproachfully, and Dean snorted.<br/>
"Really? I’m trying to be nice here, and you’re starting a fight. Peachy, Cas.“<br/>
"You enjoy our bickering,“ Cas muttered before huddling up closer to him, sighing contentedly.
     
  
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  "Yeah.“ Dean tightened his arms around Cas, crossed their legs, and it felt so right, so natural to lie here with him. He could get used to that. "Yeah, maybe I do.“
     
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em></em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Lessons in Christmas decoration, gardening and dancing (on ice)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Cas enjoy the intimacy of kissing. Sam returns and the three of them decorate their Christmas tree. Cas teaches Dean gardening facts – and they go ice skating.</p><blockquote>
  <p><br/>"Dance with me,“ Cas demanded suddenly. Dean raised his head, slurped his cocoa and laughed out loud. "You gotta be kidding me.“</p>
  <p>"I am serious, Dean. You promised me more human experiences, and I always wanted to learn how to dance stimulatingly.“ Had Cas actually said "stimulatingly“? Dean’s face reddened at the thought.</p>
  <p>"I ain’t a dancer!“ he grumbled and looked at Cas grumpily. Cas pulled a perfect pout. Where the hell did he learn how to do that? Probably a special lesson with Sammy, the expert in puppy faces.<br/></p>
</blockquote>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 7. :) I really, really want them to be happy (they deserve it, okay?), I guess it shows. And yes, they start planting a little garden at the bunker because I said so. :D </p><p>On top of that, I’d like to stress all of Cas‘ surprises convey a meaning/message. Some are rather obvious, some are (a bit) hidden. Keep that in mind for this and the next part because Dean – well, let’s just say he would be able to grasp Cas‘ feelings sooner if he just LOOKED. :D There are also some things to solve, but we’ll get to that. </p><p>I suggest listening to the song mentioned ("You and me" by Lifehouse), I think it creates the right atmosphere for the passage. :) (https://youtu.be/ac3HkriqdGQ)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Half asleep Dean noticed someone was stroking his neck with their nose. Cas, he thought, it was Cas who nuzzled him so softly. Even better, Cas held him in his arms, spooned him from behind, and it felt wonderful and awesome. The corners of his mouth turned up. This was good, it was perfect. </p><p>At this moment he was so relaxed, worry-free, and he couldn’t remember this feeling from the past. Behind him, he heard little sighs and very calm breaths. Was Cas asleep? No, that wasn’t possible, the guy didn’t sleep. </p><p>As Dean continued listening to the sounds Cas made, Dean couldn’t deny it anymore: Cas actually slept. He definitely had to ask him about that eventually. </p><p>Dean stayed in that position for a while, only enjoying the body contact and deliberately integrating these moments into his memory. Carefully, he stroked Cas‘ hands which were entangled in front of his chest. </p><p>He was aware they probably had to talk about this. The kissing. Dean had to ask Cas if he found making out normal or rather wanted it to become their normality, but he was so afraid and already out of his mind. He didn’t want to hear the possible rejection. </p><p>Maybe Cas liked him more than anyone else in the world, but he could still be just curious in terms of touching and body contact. Well he definitely was attracted to Dean too, that was something. Serious feelings though? Dean remained unsure about that. Damn, he hated himself for his insecurity.  </p><p>Dean wished they owned some good encyclopedia about the way angels‘ reactions differentiated, describing in detail which aspects suggested a romantic interest and which ones simply signaled the wish for maintaining a friendship. For now, he decided to take this "thing“ between them as it was. It was still so new, but most importantly it felt fucking thrilling and inebriating. </p><p>Cas moved, let out a confused huff and pressed his arms tighter around Dean’s belly. "Hello Dean,“ Cas mumbled and yawned heartily. Hearing the angel like this was unfamiliar, but extremely adorable. Slowly Dean turned around in the embrace to face Cas, never letting Cas‘ legs loose. </p><p>"Mornin‘,“ he replied with a raspy voice and smiled at Cas. His serotonin level was on an unusual high. "Waking up from the deep sleep at last, hm?“</p><p>"It is my understanding a prince was responsible for waking up "Sleeping Beauty“ in the fairy tale,“ Cas said and squinted his eyes. When Cas understood little cultural references without struggle, Dean always felt so proud. </p><p>Referring to a fairy tale while cuddling with Cas was a bit unusual, but Dean didn’t feel like his usual self. Also, he was entitled to show his softer sides. As he remembered Cas had already told him he deserved this, Dean was all churned up inside. Cas always knew – him. </p><p>Laughing at Cas‘ remark,  he pulled him even closer and breathed numerous butterfly kisses on Cas‘ neck. Finally, he looked at Cas again and winked suggestively. "Y’ain’t wrong about that one.“ Dean moistened his lips, before kissing Cas like he actually wanted to rescue him from a curse. </p><p>They spent the day in bed. Dean continued to snuggle up to him, sank deeper into Cas‘ arms, and his smell was simply overwhelming. Cas kept stroking Dean’s naked arms up and down. His skin tingled.</p><p>They ate of course, went for a walk, but other than that, they snogged so much, Dean’s jaw hurt. And he didn’t care, because it was Sunday and Cas‘ lips were so soft, and honestly, Dean was insatiable at his point. Cas got more eager with each kiss. He also was a quick learner, driving Dean crazy simply with his tongue and very talented and smooth hands. "Oh Cas, we’re gonna have so much fun,“ he murmured in between. "I’m gonna teach you everything, show you the ropes.“ </p><p>In the late afternoon, Cas gave him the surprise of the day – flower buds and various plants. He explained in a few sentences that the bunker site could use a little more nature, since he had been the only one planting things there from time to time. He outlined Dean was so skilled in working with his hands that he could tackle the project perfectly. Dean laughed about this and gave Cas a kiss on the forehead. "Okay, then let’s get started.“ </p><p>On the 12th of December Dean woke up in a terrific mood once more. Since they still had the bunker to themselves for now, he kissed Cas everywhere. In the corridors. In the shower room. In Cas‘ room. In the kitchen. In the dungeon. In the library. In the garage. When they arrived in the War Room again, Dean pinned him to the map table like he’d always imagined and sucked his lips so eagerly like this was his very first kiss. He touched Cas, always fondling his body. </p><p>Due to the intensity Dean moaned unrestrainedly because at the moment there really wasn’t anything else on his mind. It was a fucking marvelous thing, he needed that. After a while he pulled Cas back up again who looked strangely disheveled. His lips were swollen, and even his cheeks appeared red which Dean didn’t think possible for an angel. It was the most alluring sight he could’ve imagined. So he stroked Cas‘ cheek and leaned in again, more slowly, and kissed Cas tenderly on the lips.</p><p>Eventually they took out the boxes with the Christmas decorations they had found while cleaning up. Shortly after that Sammy came back, checking them out with a strange expression on his face as soon as he entered the bunker. </p><p>Sam talked about his weekend, and when he asked them what they had done, Dean put on his best poker face and said, "Oh, we’ve been very productive, learned so much new stuff.“ Cas coughed at that, and Dean simply burst out laughing, falling into a bout of laughter soon after. He couldn’t stop laughing anymore, tears running out of his eyes, until Sam asked him if he was under a spell. </p><p>In the afternoon they decorated their Christmas tree. Initially, they put fairy lights on there, so many of them. Cas was beaming at every light which found its place on the tree. "We are able to bring illumination, more brightness into the world.“ Dean’s body felt warm, and he was so frigging smitten with Cas. Little moments like this only intensified the sentiment. </p><p>As Cas was searching for Christmas balls, Sam came up to Dean and gave him another meaningful look. "I’m glad you guys are still doing your Christmas experiences. I mean, you’re so nice to him. Unbelievable. Cas has to tell me his secret.“ Gorgeous eyes, sinful lips, a radiating smile and the most remarkable personality, Dean thought to himself. And an attractive body. </p><p>Dean snorted, because he had reasonable doubt that Sam would want to know all the dirty details about it. Then Sam pulled him into a brief brotherly hug and patted him on the back. When they parted again, all mockery was gone from Sam’s expression. "I’ve never seen such a gleam in your eyes.“ Dean swallowed and patted Sam’s shoulder. </p><p>Then Dean ran a hand over his chin for a moment and said the first thing that came to mind. "Well, as a wise man once said: Firsts suck hard - except for the ones you don’t plan out.“</p><p>"Dude, that sounds literally like something you would say.“ Sam laughed and shook his head. Now Dean patted himself on the back in praise. "Yeah, that’s the whole frigging point.“ He made a gesture to present his body. "Awesome guy.“ Then he pointed to his mouth and head. "Wise words.“ He paused dramatically. "Keep that in mind.“ </p><p>"I’m gonna allow the bullshit today, since you’re in such a good mood.“ He looked to the tree, to Cas, back to Dean and mumbled, "Jerk.“ Dean grinned.<br/>
"Bitch!“</p><p>"You shouldn’t call each other insults in this solemn atmosphere,“ Cas scolded them, having approached them by now.<br/>
"I was talking about female dogs. “ Dean murmured, and looked at Cas. In his hands he held four different kinds of balls, presenting the decorations like valuable goods.</p><p>"Cas, that can’t be a serious request. The choice is obvious,“ Dean growled. For one there was the classic Christmas ball, red and gold. The second was black, the third was pink with green dots and the fourth was gold with white sprinkles. </p><p>"This means you like the pink one best? I assumed you would go for something extravagant,“ Cas said with a deadpan voice, and then he winked at him cheekily as if he didn’t do anything else all day long. Meanwhile, Sam laughed at them so loudly, he was gasping at air soon. Dean loved hearing his brother as happy as that.</p><p>"Cas, you’re killing me,“ Dean groaned and clasped his forehead. "You know what?“ he added. "It’s the perfect decoration. If you’re looking for a way to make your loved ones vomit, you have the ideal tool. Oh, and why don’t we go add some black ones as well? So damn depressing, I dig that.“ He laughed, and Cas‘ face was a mixture between amused, hurt and annoyed. </p><p>"Fine. I can get started then,“ Cas said, and vanished. When Sam grinned at him, Dean sighed heavily. Sure, now he had to clean up (t)his mess and be sensitive while doing so. Wasn’t that his expertise. </p><p>"Cas,“ he murmured, but Cas didn’t listen to him at all. Instead, he tried to set a record in putting up those pink and black Christmas balls onto the branches. Dean approached him quickly, gently grasping Cas‘ arm. "I’m sorry, I should‘ve answered sincerely. I know you also have fun at this Christmas stuff, and I’m being an ass again.“</p><p>"You are,“ Cas agreed, only quickly glancing over his shoulder. Dean chewed his lips, too lost in thought to fire back a sarcastic reply.</p><p>"This is new to me, too. Christmas trees and everything,“ he whispered, so Sam couldn’t hear him. "I mean, I know Christmas trees, but I don’t <em>know</em> know them, ya know. Not to the core.“</p><p>
  Now Cas interrupted his decorating mania, turned around and scrutinized Dean. "I don’t understand, Dean. You are not supposed to converse with them, although that’s considerate of you,“ Cas answered earnestly. 
</p><p>
  Dean laughed quietly, again feeling so warm inside. He raked his fingers through his hair, and cleared his throat. In a matter of seconds, Dean removed the Christmas balls from the tree again. After that, he took the red Christmas balls out of the box, and hang them onto the branches one after another, keeping the silence.
</p><p>
Finally, all branches were filled, and Sam applauded him, taking photos. Dean grabbed one of the gold-white Christmas balls, looking at Cas. "The colors reminded me of those angel figurines you see everywhere for Christmas. A single one of these should be on there,“ he sputtered. 
</p><p>
 He didn’t say they could also add some actual angel figurine as well because it probably was too cheesy or too much. Still, Dean was satisfied that he was able to show his affection a bit. Cas smiled, and then Dean used the moment of surprise and lifted Cas. He held the Christmas ball into the air, so Cas could take it, and Cas put it right into the center of the tree.
</p><p>
Quickly, Dean let Cas slip down to the ground again. With some wooden ornaments they put the finishing touches on the tree. They examined their work with a distance to get the full picture. Dean placed one arm around Sam’s shoulder and clasped Cas‘ waist with the other one.<br/>
"Perfect,“ they said in unison.
</p><p>
When Dean woke on the 13th of December, Cas was already up, but he’d left a Thermos flask with coffee for him there. Beside the coffee there was a necklace, an Ivy pendant in a beautiful dark green with golden edges. Damn, Cas was the cutest guy in existence. It had to be a reference to the brooches from Lord of the Rings, right? Or what did it mean?
</p><p>
 Dean went to the kitchen because he was fucking hungry. As soon as he entered, he looked at Cas who explained some angel lore to Sam. He looked radiant and sounded wonderful, and Dean couldn’t believe the amount of happiness he was actually able to feel.
</p><p>
He yelled a "Morning Sammy“, and then he went to Cas. Automatically he wrapped his arms around Cas‘ torso from behind, buried his head in the crook of his neck and kissed him there. "Morning sunshine,“ he hummed. Cas sighed, and he sounded damn satisfied. Dean sat down and whistled, making himself breakfast.
</p><p>
Sam laughed, then smiled to himself. He didn’t comment on Dean’s action, but his brother wasn’t stupid. Of course college kid knew something had changed between them, that they were closer now. Dean didn’t need to discuss this right now, not before Cas and him actually talked about them.
</p><p>
"So, Cas? What do you want to do today?“ Dean asked, and he was aware of how hopeful his own voice had to sound. Cas looked at him with deadly seriousness, as if he wanted to explain to him which demon from hell they had on their heels now, and only shrugged his shoulders. "We’re going ice skating.“ Dean chuckled at the sincerity in his words.
</p><p>
"Yeah, no, that...that ain’t gonna happen, man.“ Flustered, he raised his hands and shook his upper body in horror. There was no way he would do that. He had tried ice skating once, many, many years ago, and he had majorly sucked at it, had always landed right on his ass. He liked trying new sports, but he didn’t have to do everything, in his opinion.
</p><p>
Sam scoffed, shooting him a glance. Why was he looking at Dean like he was completely done? Dean hadn’t done anything wrong. Speaking of today, at least. "Why not? You two could use some Christmas fun. And Dean, you were the one telling me you need more exercise to stay in shape.“ Deliberately, Sam had left out the part with the ladies which had been a bad line anyway. Dean almost told him there were other ways of working out he could think of, but he stopped himself right in time. 
</p><p>
After they had talked for a while, Cas announced that he still wanted to work in the bed outside. He seemed withdrawn and lost, only staring to the wall. What was going on with him? In the past hours and days, he had seemed as liberated as Dean had been - and Dean couldn’t bear the thought of Cas isolating himself now. At least he wanted to try to make it better, after all, Cas helped him with his issues all the time.
</p><p>
Cas sat so deep in the bed that his legs were completely covered with soil. His hands were bleeding. That was a very, very strange sight, especially since Dean hated to see Cas wounded. Usually Cas always healed himself within seconds, but this time he seemed to willingly accept the wounds.
</p><p>
 Cas had not reacted at all to his quiet "Hiya“, therefore Dean resorted to more radical methods now. Provocation. Dean sat down next to him and punched him in the side, but even this gesture only made Cas snort. He was really in a strange state.<br/>
"Are you trying to be particularly effective at creating confusion and hurting yourself in the process?“
</p><p>
"Today, I am not up for any of our discussion dynamics, Dean. I accept your victory, hence you can take a break.“ Okaay. That way of speaking was so uncharacteristic for Cas.
</p><p>
Dean could barely swallow. His throat hurt like hell, and he was feeling as if he had a small razor blade in his throat. Something was fucking wrong here, and he would find out what it was. He tried a different approach.
</p><p>
"That potato looks awesome.“ At that Cas was laughing after all. "Dean, you’re a very smart man. You know that’s not a potato.“
</p><p>
"Tsk tsk, I’m complimenting you and taking an interest in the gardening stuff, and even that’s not enough for your angelic requirements,“ Dean outraged himself playfully. In fact, this view really upset him.
</p><p>
Therefore, he longed to know more about what Cas was trying to accomplish here. He wanted to be the one person to whom Cas confided such things. "It’s a sugar beet.“ As soon as Cas started talking again, Dean glanced at him from the side. 
</p><p>
"I thought we could grow them, but they never grow as big as I planned. I started planting them this spring, after Lucifer had left me. At that time I thought I had to do something good, especially after the developments with Amara. I felt lost, thinking about all my other missteps, the failures.“ Cas paused, looking into the void, deeply lost in thought.
</p><p>
Dean swallowed hard, not wanting to think about the horrible period when Lucifer had used Cas as a vessel. When he had almost lost Cas. He often had nightmares about it, still saw the disgusting grimace Lucifer had forced Cas‘ face to do. Even the way he had disguised Cas‘ voice to pester Dean caused chills and disgust all over Dean’s body. He pushed the thoughts aside because Cas started talking again.
</p><p>
"I wanted to test various fertilizers and observe the development, maybe even document it, but I think I might not be qualified for this task.“ Sometimes Cas was such a perfectionist, and Dean found this side so attractive that he forgot the actual conversation for a moment. He quickly recovered.
</p><p>
If Cas opened up to Dean, he should respond accordingly. "Okay, you got me hooked. Why should I be more involved with domestic sugar beets?“<br/>
"Where do I start?“ Cas frowned, and actually thought about it for a beat-up minute.
</p><p>
"Imagine we only planted an acre of sugar beets. This amount of sugar beets already binds 36 tons of carbon dioxides and creates 26 tons of oxygen, more than a forest of the same size.“ Interested, Dean leaned closer to Cas and encouraged him to keep talking.
</p><p>
 "They supply people with oxygen. Oh, and look here.“ Cas crawled away from him a bit, and Dean followed him. With a small shovel he dug a hole and pointed to the root. "The roots can grow up to two and a half feet into the ground at times.“
</p><p>
 Without warning, Cas reached for his hand and laid it on the ground. Dean vehemently ignored the tingling on the back of his hand. "Do you discern that?“
</p><p>
Dean almost yelled at him that he sure as hell sensed his damn smooth skin, but instead, he concentrated on the soil under his fingers. "It feels so loose, almost soft,“ Dean tried to put his observations into words.
</p><p>
"Very good,“ Cas praised him and smiled broadly. Damn, Dean would never get tired of Cas‘ laugh. "The deep-lying roots loosen the soil and are able to draw nutrients and water from the very bottom of the soil.“
</p><p>
Why had Dean never asked Cas in detail about plants before? It was damn exciting what he told him here. Cas loved nature deeply, probably appreciated it more than anyone else. After all their conversations Dean understood his train of thoughts.
</p><p>
A celestial being that had existed for millions of years had to evaluate what people did with these plants over the centuries. The way they were used or even destroyed. "Not qualified, my ass. This here?“ He pointed to the bed in which several sugar beets were already showing their fruits.
</p><p>
"This is incredible, and you shouldn’t destroy everything, because it ain’t perfect yet. Maybe the plants just need to get used to the new conditions and the fertilizer longer, no frigging clue, I’m not familiar with it. But I know you. It’s damn impossible that you don’t end up creating something that will blow everyone away. Me for the most part. Gotta have patience, Mister Plant Whisperer.“ Cas raised his head and looked at him so intensely that Dean gulped.
</p><p>
 "So much kindness in the early morning. Dean, are you completely certain you’re not possessed?“ Dean playfully rolled his eyes.
</p><p>
"I’m a friendly guy on occasion, don’t act so surprised.“ He winked, and Cas laughed softly. And somehow they understood each other without words.
</p><p>
After they had sat in the bed for some time and looked at the earth only in peaceful silence, Dean cleared his throat.<br/>
"Okay!“ He let the word pearl from his tongue. "Clean up your holy trench coat because the ice skating is ON. Wouldn’t wanna miss me showing my skills like the people from Dancing on Ice, would ya?"
</p><p>
 "I’m not dirty,“ Cas protested and stood up. Dean snorted at that because from their snogging he knew damn well how dirty Cas could get. He knocked some earth off his trouser leg and kneaded his hands. "Well, I do need a shower. Gotta smell good for our trip, right?“ Cas simply narrowed his eyes at the remark, which made Dean laugh way too hard.
</p><p>
In the end, the ice skating wasn’t as bad as expected. Sure, Dean must’ve looked like an elephant on ice, always slithering, barely holding his balance. And he was certain there’d be tons of bruises later.
</p><p>
But Cas on the other hand, he was so graceful and seemed to be a natural at ice skating. He went round after round, getting faster and more daring every time. The other people applauded and cheered. Dean grinned proudly and told everyone running past, "That’s Cas!“
</p><p>
When Cas came back after twenty minutes or so, he grabbed Dean’s left hand, and simply took him with him, never letting go. Dean actually managed three rounds without falling down. They never stopped holding hands after that. Nobody looked at them strangely. And really, why would they?
</p><p>
At a certain point Dean only grinned and pulled Cas into an embrace. Not a half-hearted hug, a full body one with as much body contact as possible. Dean thought about kissing him. Strangely enough, Cas hadn’t initiated one single kiss today, and Dean didn’t want to be pushy. He felt blissful nonetheless.
</p><p>
After skating they went to a bar to have a hot cocoa with a shot. Dean liked the taste, let the chocolate linger on his tongue for a while. Cas also tried the cocoa, taking several sips in a row, until he announced that he tasted something. He began describing the cocoa to Dean, how he experienced it, and Dean could only watch him fondly. He really would’ve loved to press his lips against Cas‘ right now, to find out if the cocoa tasted different now.
</p><p>
 "Dance with me,“ Cas demanded suddenly. Dean raised his head, slurped his cocoa and laughed out loud. 
"You gotta be kidding me.“
</p><p>
"I am serious, Dean. You promised me more human experiences, and I always wanted to learn how to dance stimulatingly.“ Had Cas actually said "stimulatingly“? Dean’s face reddened at the thought. 
</p><p>
 "I ain’t a dancer!“ he grumbled and looked at Cas grumpily. Cas pulled a perfect pout. Where the hell did he learn how to do that? Probably a special lesson with Sammy, the expert in puppy faces. 
</p><p>
"You promised, Dean.“ Holy shit, what had this man done to him? His lips looked so luscious, the little smile that spread across his face captivated Dean as always.
</p><p>
Again, Cas showed him his newly discovered pouty lips. Son of a bitch. He was doomed. Finally, he took Cas‘ hand. Immediately Cas placed his head on his chest, Dean put his arms around Cas‘ waist.
</p><p>
A new song started – "You and me“ by Lifehouse – and at least they could get into the right mood now. As they instinctively moved to the music, Dean stubbornly thought of Antarctica because it wasn’t right to get so turned on in public. Cas was definitely too close to him.
</p><p>
Whenever Cas moved, he kept brushing Dean’s upper body and legs. Always just enough, hence Dean could remember how it felt to have Cas‘ body pressed against his, and yet so little that everything else was left to his imagination. Sometimes they stepped on their feet, other than that it was the most intimate dance Dean had ever experienced. The world around them was forgotten, as they moved in unison, holding onto each other.
</p><p>
After three or four more songs he separated from Cas. It was unfair. With any other person, he would have clearly interpreted everything that happened between them. The long conversations, the glances, the random touches, the flapping that quickly turned into bickering. With Cas, it was different, which was one of the reasons why he suited him so well. In the meantime, the room had emptied. 
</p><p>
"Where the hell is everybody?“ Dean asked and looked around searching.<br/>
"A few people are still out in the yard, otherwise most of them seem to have disappeared.“ Terrific. Fate was kind to him again. "I guess the both of us are the only ones remaining here,“ Cas whispered, and damn it, this guy did it on purpose – this tone of voice. Immediately Dean had ambiguous thoughts.
</p><p>
They were facing each other, and Cas looked at him longingly. Expectantly. Dean’s heart beat faster with nervousness. He felt like a teenager, had never been so excited in the presence of another person. Grinning crookedly, he kissed Cas on the cheek. Cas‘ face was right in front of his, and he bit his lip.
</p><p>
Cas had to notice the reactions he caused and the signals he gave Dean. In alteration Dean looked into Cas‘ eyes, then back to his mouth. After their cocoa and waffles from before Dean wondered what Cas would taste like today. Cas wrapped his hands around Dean’s neck and with his nails he unconsciously scratched the skin there.
</p><p>
"I felt I knew something-never-before was going to happen,“ Dean said in a rough voice, and didn’t care he was quoting a musical out of all things. As soon as Cas licked his lips, he lost it. He had to kiss Cas, he had to. His hands rested on Cas‘ back, and he pulled Cas closer to him. </p><p>
 Then, finally, Dean discovered a reason to end their "dancing around“. He pushed Cas a little further towards the wall, smirking extra teasingly at him. Cas tilted his head, obviously confused at the unexpected movements.
</p><p>
"So Cas, you sure learn a lot at the moment, huh? Enjoying yourself?“<br/>
Cas nodded. "I enjoy you.“ Dean’s heart stumbled, and he smiled at Cas as charmingly as he could. 
</p><p>
 "You wanna know what I enjoy?“ He smirked and licked his lips. "Mistletoe.“ He nodded towards the ceiling where several branches hang. Then he pulled Cas even closer to him and pressed his mouth to Cas‘. 
</p><p>
When Cas kissed him back with so much passion, Dean grinned against his lips, and continued caressing them. Damn, he felt like he was on drugs – in a good and healthy way.
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The peculiarities of the Roman Empire, hedgehogs and eggnog</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Cas go on a winterly horseback ride on which Cas shows Dean a secret spot. Then, Sam and Dean have some brotherly bonding time.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 8. :) This part is quite long, but we’re getting to the "admitting feelings“ (in due time) and I didn’t want to rush the scenes. Although this fic is fluffy in general, I try to make the process overall realistic. </p><p>Anyway, enjoy these cuties being adorable. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Fancy a little spontaneity?“ That had been Cas‘ first comment on the 14th of December. It had sounded so free, and honestly, Dean hadn’t expected to ever see Cas so relaxed. But it was such a good feeling he was responsible for this. In the morning they laid curled up in bed – shirtless – because Dean really enjoyed being skin to skin too much. Cas held him in his embrace, continuously stroking Dean. His fingers touched his chest, very lightly, yet with so much tenderness. </p><p>"You are wearing the ivy pendant,“ Cas said, and Dean could hear the joy in his voice.<br/>
"Of course I do. That was the intention, wasn’t it?“ Dean hummed. "Where’d you get it? Some jewelry shop?“ he asked although he couldn’t imagine Cas in a place like that. </p><p>"I found it in Rome, it belongs to the time of Marcus Aurelius. And I thought you would appreciate the symbolism.“<br/>
"You serious? This is almost 2000 years old?“<br/>
"Yes, it is an item from the Roman Empire, but that was not the reason I gave it to you.“<br/>
"Was it Lord of the Rings?“</p><p>Cas furrowed his eyebrows. "No, Dean.“ Again, he pronounced his name in the way which gave him goosebumps. "It is a lovely addition, but I decided to gift you this some years ago. I waited for a good occasion or the right moment like humans tend to say.“</p><p>"Cas, you wanna elaborate? Is it magical or anything? A protection?“</p><p>"In a way. Rest assured I will watch over you.“ Cas averted his eyes and swallowed. Obviously Dean had said something wrong. He didn’t want to hurt Cas. Afraid of saying more unwelcome things or the one aspect which would drive Cas away, he decided to set himself in a more open attidude. </p><p>"Cas, you’re so mysterious. It’s kinda turning me on,“ Dean said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Cas rolled his eyes, but he caressed his cheek. Dean kissed Cas passionately, never stopping to think about the pendant. What had Cas meant? He wouldn’t forget about it, but he wasn’t getting anything out of him either.</p><p>"I love the pendant if that’s what you’re afraid of,“ he said gruffly, freeing himself from the embrace for a moment. He rolled onto Cas, right between Cas‘ legs, pinning him beneath him. "It’s beautiful. You... you just baffle me with those surprises. I’m sorry I didn’t get the right meaning immediately. I will figure it out,“ he added and raffled through Cas‘ hair, pulling him in for a long kiss. Then he smiled softly at Cas. </p><p>"However, you are the one who gave me this and there’s nothing I would rather have with me every day, ya know. Same goes for you as a person. And for Sammy of course, but that’s different.“ Now Cas squinted his eyes and his breathing accelerated as Dean observed. Cas made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. </p><p>"Different how?“ Cas asked hoarsely.</p><p>"Well, for starters I would never snog my brother,“ he said jokingly, but Cas didn’t laugh at the slightest. What part was Dean missing here? "Dumbass, you make me happy, okay? In a non-platonic way if that’s even a question at this point. And honestly, I really enjoy every minute with you. You make me laugh so frigging much, and I can be myself, and that’s... Dammit, you know what I mean,“ he sputtered. Dean felt shy, after opening himself like that.  </p><p>Cas nodded, a small smile was painted on his lips. Dean couldn’t talk further, couldn’t say he wanted this in the future. His actions and gestures should be obvious, he thought. Cas was an angel, but he was on earth long enough. </p><p>"I understand.“ Dean sighed, sat back on the bed, feeling lost. Nothing. No words that indicated Cas felt the same. Dean wasn’t up for long conversations about feelings, he wouldn’t push. Cas enjoyed their time together as well, hence Dean had to assume there was something there. "Do you though?“ Dean asked and folded his arms in front of his upper body.  </p><p>"You know you’re driving me crazy right?" Dean murmured affectionately, while letting his nose and mouth wander alongside Cas‘ throat and ears. By now, Dean had learned Cas was very sensitive there. Cas cracked a smile while surpressing a groan. "I noticed. Though one might say we were always driving each other crazy in one way or another.“</p><p>"Yeah, well, I prefer this one, that’s for sure,“ Dean insisted, kissing the corners of Cas‘ mouth now. Cas sighed, pulling Dean closer. "I’m willing to agree with you for a change,“ he hummed. Dean chuckled and fiddled with the blanket. "Do we have a few minutes?“<br/>
"I suppose we can delay the next surprise a bit.“ Cas‘ words vibrated against his lips, and Dean smiled into the kiss.</p><p>They actually drove to a ranch then, and Cas really was spoiling him. Today’s surprise was a whole horseback ride - not solely, as Cas had teased. The day was unusually mild for December. Sure, they wore warm clothes, but Dean didn’t freeze at all. Dean borrowed a pair of black riding breeches, a warm vest, boots and a helmet, and they were on their way.</p><p>"Ready?“ Cas asked cheerfully. He was in a riding outfit too, and had put on a hat which made him appear even more handsome. He was so exuberant, laughing more than he had in the last few months combined. Dean was blown away.<br/>
"As ready as you’re ever gonna be.“ Stretching his body, he smirked at Cas. "Maybe we can find some secret passageways or something.“ There was no stopping Dean’s joy anymore. "Maybe,“ Cas agreed with him. "With a lot of hidden treasures that have been lost for centuries and are now protected by dangerous animals.“</p><p>"That’s why they call it the Jungle, sweetheart,“ he quoted Indy to Cas. "Dude, it will be exactly like Indiana Jones,“ he exclaimed.<br/>
"Who are you and what have you done with the grumpy Dean? You’re all excited,“ Cas joked, and then he winked again in that way which caused all the hairs on Dean’s arms and legs standing up.</p><p>"You don’t have to pretend. It’s what you find so stunning about me,“ Dean claimed theatrically, and then he gave Cas a light pat on the shoulder to ignore his heart flutter. Sometimes Cas was serious, then suddenly silly, it was a mixture Dean was far too intrigued with. </p><p>"It’s one of your good qualities,“ Cas finally agreed as uninvolved as possible.<br/>
"I know that.“ He grinned at Cas, and Cas‘ eyes sparkled with amusement. The blue of his eyes was even more intense than usual. </p><p>Half an hour later, Dean and Cas rode at a trot across meadows and fields. The day was very mild, and so Dean did not freeze a bit. Although Dean had ridden more often and was almost an experienced rider, who usually liked to ride at a faster pace, he adapted to Cas‘ speed. </p><p>Cas got better soon, and of course Dean just had to yell the worst of all the bad lines at him. "You’re really putting the C in cowboy, Cas.“ He glanced at Cas, who seemed to think about a response. "And you put the D in...“ He paused, and Dean cackled, loosening the reins for a second. "In December. It’s the best month I’ve experienced and for the most part you are responsible for this.“ Now Dean’s hysterical laughter made place for ragged breaths. "Cas,“ he muttered fondly. </p><p>Confusion spread in him, although their time together was still thrilling and wonderful and the best thing he ever had. He had to talk to Cas because he knew there was something going on with him. He had to find out, had to have the guts to talk about them.   </p><p>Right now he felt free, enjoyed the cool breeze on his face and watched nature around him with fascination.</p><p>"Fantastic,“ Dean breathed in awe, and Cas uttered a warm smile.<br/>
"That’s what I said. Let’s stop over there by that clump of trees, I want to show you something.“ They got off and tied the horses loosely to a tree. Cas walked four feet forward and Dean followed him. He stopped in front of a big oak tree.</p><p>"I found this accommodation on one of my long walks in nature and thought you might like it.“ Dean also looked up and discovered a clearly aged but still intact tree house. They climbed up a rope ladder and sat down on the ground. The tree house had a high roof, so Dean could even stand inside. </p><p>In one corner there were two small wooden chairs and a wooden table, as well as a small cupboard. "Awesome,“ Dean shouted, whereupon Cas gave a quiet laugh.<br/>
"I assumed you would like this place. It belonged to two brothers once, as I was able to find out due to their belongings. Of course, it reminded me of you and Sam.“ Cas smiled. </p><p>"This really is an adventure." Dean grinned at him and took in his surroundings. "What’s up with the cupboard?“ Dean asked curiously.</p><p>"I don’t really know,“ Cas returned, but he carried a tiny smile on his lips. On his knees, Cas crawled to the dark closet and tampered with the lock with a pocket knife. He could’ve easily broke the lock with his angel powers, but he didn’t. This way it was possible to close the lock again later, to preserve the secrets. Dean was touched by this sight. </p><p>"That’s why it’s locked,“ Dean said. Cas hummed and chuckled. All day Cas had seemed very relaxed and satisfied. Dean noticed that he liked seeing him like this. He wanted to be the one who was responsible for this state.  </p><p>A few minutes later Cas threw two small books and a tin box to him. Dean looked intently at the book with the names David and Michael in the cover.<br/>
"It’s a kind of logbook.“ Cas hummed again and leaned his back against the wall in an unusually casual manner - by Cas‘ standards. </p><p>Fascinated, Dean leafed through the little booklet. Almost every page had a new entry, always marked with a date. David’s writing as a youth was accurate and the entries were written with great care. Cas had become quiet and listened patiently to Dean, who read some entries aloud and couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. He couldn’t explain why, but felt even closer to Cas than before. After a while Cas seemed to want to keep himself busy because he slipped to Dean and examined the tin box.</p><p>He tipped the contents onto the floor. Various resins, stones and branches. But most noticeable were two small carvings, a bear and a fox. They did not look perfect, but were clearly recognizable as the animals. Of course, Dean knew immediately that the forest animals stood for the two brothers. Dean was inevitably touched because David and Michael had such a close brotherly relationship.</p><p>"Ya think they carved the animals themselves?“<br/>
"I suppose,“ Cas replied. "That must have taken many hours of work.“ Dean took the bear into his hand and carefully dropped it from one hand to the other.<br/>
"How did you know that I connected the bear with you?“ Cas asked and watched him curiously. Dean looked into his eyes, then examined his whole face. He thought of his own warm-hearted nature, which he actually liked but often hid from the outside world, almost like under a fur.</p><p>"It wasn’t hard to guess,“ Dean finally replied. “ You gonna tell me why?“ he asked composedly. Still, his heart was beating unnaturally fast. Dean was happy. "Apart from your appearance? You practically live on the road, so you’re more of a loner. You’re strong and sometimes grumpy, but also loyal and warm-hearted. And you’re still curious, you have a thirst for discovery. And you have a very playful, wild side to yourself. You’re like a young brown bear,“ Cas concluded, drawing in air.</p><p>"Hm.“ Dean smiled, not bothered by the characterization at all.<br/>
"I liked this idea, it suits you very well. Besides, from my point of view you are a hedgehog,“ Cas asserted forcefully. </p><p>Dean frowned. The associations he had with hedgehogs were not exactly positive. It was not for nothing that people used the term "curling themselves into a ball“. Hedgehogs lived a secluded life. They could extend their quills in case of danger. This was true indeed. He was a fighter and proved his abilities often enough in hunting. But that was not all that defined him. Not anymore.</p><p>"You are more active in the evening than in the morning,“ Cas began hesitantly. His voice sounded particularly deep and smoky. "You appreciate silence, you don’t necessarily have to draw attention to yourself. Of course, you have a quick tongue, as we all often experience first-hand. Besides, you are often stubborn and headstrong, and above all you know how to defend yourself.“</p><p>Dean blinked once, then blinked again. "Is that how you see me?“ Dean asked and blushed. Cas had similar associations to the hedgehog like him, however, evaluated most aspects rather as positive. That he was stubborn and headstrong was right. With these qualities, however, he was able to solve hunts. </p><p>Cas nodded, smiling slightly. "It is a matter of interpretation.“ His look told him that he could see Dean’s skepticism. "To me, hedgehogs are wonderful animals. They have the quills, suggesting they are only dangerous and shouldn’t be approached or touched. When they are not curled up however, their quills soften, become mostly harmless. They are beautiful, simply wishing for care like every other being. In the fable, hedgehogs are also considered particularly clever.“</p><p>"You’re right,“ Dean said, being astounded now. "I remember that from Aesop.“ All those nice words from Cas. Had he meant them all – concerning him? It wasn’t possible he could see Dean as such a wonderful – beautiful – person, he was the miraculous angel after all. </p><p>After they had been sitting in the tree house for some time, they climbed down again. Dean just turned his front back away from the tree trunk again to take the last steps as his thoughts distracted him. Of all places, he slipped on the penultimate step. More softly than expected he landed on the ground.</p><p>"I hope you are comfortable?“ Cas said with a grin. Suddenly, Dean also knew why the landing hadn’t been so painful: He had fallen straight down onto Cas. Of course that had to happen.</p><p>"Thank you, very comfortable.“ Dean laid between Cas‘ legs and was pressed on his upper body. He sincerely hoped that his relaxed tone of voice would hid how nervous the proximity still made him. "I could sleep now.“ Dean put his head on Cas‘ chest.</p><p>"I am pleased that my services satisfy you, milord,“ said Cas in a formal manner. Dean lifted his head again. Cas‘ expression was endearing, as usual, and not silly at all. Still, he kept a little smile on his lips. </p><p>With one hand Cas cradled Dean’s face, traced his scruff. How did Cas do that? Dean couldn’t look away anymore, and thought about taking him right here on the lawn. But he didn’t want to rush things, Cas shouldn’t think that he was only after animalistic sex, although Dean certainly had no objection to it. Hastily he rolled to the side and then jumped back on his feet.</p><p>On the way home they got stuck in a traffic jam directly on the highway. Dean pressed the horn continuously for about two minutes because the car in front of them wouldn’t move. Without a doubt, the driver had left the car early because he thought the cars would not move for a long time. In the meantime, however, the cars had started moving again, and the drivers could not let the engines glow fast enough to the limit.</p><p>The honking was a single long and very penetrating sound that soon made Cas cover his ears. He automatically closed his eyes, probably a reflex. He thought about how Cas had "greeted“ him back then, after he had gripped him out of hell. And really, given the volume that angels normally communicated with, Cas’s reaction was absurd. He was nuts. </p><p>After the two minutes of honking, during which Cas had stubbornly covered his ears, Dean shook his shoulder. Cas opened his eyes again, looking at him uncomprehendingly. He pointed with his hands at his ears and let the sound come back to him.</p><p>"Are you quite finished?“ Cas asked him, half amused, half angry. Dean just grinned and enjoyed annoying the angel a little.<br/>
"And how! That felt good. Eased the aggression a little. But you know what’s even better?“ Judging by the look on his face, Cas had no idea what he found so funny all of a sudden.</p><p>When he stopped talking, Cas urged, "Well, what is it?“<br/>
"We interrupted those two from the car in front of us, it looks like.“ He laughed for a second. The show was about to begin.</p><p>"Look to the left, on the side of the road where all the trees are. Yes, that’s the spot. Here they come now.“ In fact, at that moment, a man, in his late 30s or early 40s, came towards them. He looked very slimy with his hair, which had clearly seen too much gel. </p><p>Shortly after him followed a woman who could not have dressed more provocatively. A skirt that she actually didn’t have to wear at all and a top with the neckline almost reaching the floor. She looked very embarrassed, which made her outward appearance look a little shaky. The man rushed on quickly, and he zipped up.</p><p>"I bet they were having fun. Or wanted to.“ Dean almost couldn’t stop himself from laughing anymore, and somehow the situation was so absurd, here in this traffic jam in an originally somewhat tense atmosphere, that Cas was infected by his laughter.</p><p>"You don’t make fun of something like that,“ Cas instructed him in a more serious tone, but it was completely lost in his laughter.<br/>
"First, you laugh yourself, and besides, it’s damn funny. And secondly, they are probably to blame themselves. Anyone who is so stupid as to get out somewhere in the middle of a traffic jam, when several cars are standing in front of, behind and next to you - only to do it in a bush. One shouldn’t be surprised if that doesn’t work out. I don’t make the rules.“ </p><p>After his summary their laughing muscles were only strained even more. Dean loved it, loved living this silly side with Cas. He didn’t get the chance to do so often. Never, actually. With Cas though, there was always laughter included.</p><p>"What? It’s true. One can wait a bit. Or at least find a suitable place to do it.“ Even though he said it all so flippantly, he felt a little different with such a performance. He thought about Cas and about the fact that he was somehow distant. Other than that Cas was the perfect mixture of adorable and sexy. Again. </p><p>Dean swallowed hard as he remembered last night’s dream of them lolling naked in bed. As in most cases, he shook off these thoughts and turned his head in another direction. </p><p>Maybe Cas would realize that his urge for kissing was satisfied. Maybe he wanted to leave it at their strangely intense friendship in the end. He had to talk to Cas about it, he had to. But he couldn’t do it, not now that they were as free with each other as they had not been in a long time. To be more precise, even more liberated than they had ever been. </p><p>Finally, he patted Cas’s shoulder briefly, calmed down a bit and then drove on. He knew it could not go on like this. However, the prospect of not being able to see Cas every day after Christmas made him want to enjoy every moment with him even more. To perceive his scent even more intensely, to absorb every smile from him.</p><p>There was a life after the holiday season, after this phase in which he took more time off than ever before in his life. Soon his life would again consist only of hunting, of the job, and he was damned afraid that they would simply turn back the clock. </p><p>Dean had turned the radio up to full volume and every time they got stuck in traffic, they watched the people in the cars near them. Most of them left the car to stretch their legs. Before this situation, Dean had never thought that this could be so exciting. Many people Dean saw were just so clichéd that it seemed almost too unreal what was going on. </p><p>There was one family, for example, where the parents had great difficulty in keeping their children’s impatience in check, which was expressed by them jumping up and down in the car. After a while, the mother got furious. She exited the car and called her children, who were so happy to get out of the car that they started jumping up and down several more times, continuing their game from before.</p><p>A huge red stain stood out on the daughter’s T-shirt, who was screaming indignantly and stomping on the floor, and her mother tried to make it a more unrecognizable with water, while the son, who was about 5 years old, took turns hanging on her left and then her right leg. At this sight one could have thought that some wild animals had escaped from the zoo.</p><p>The father, on the other hand, was still sitting behind the wheel, rolled down the window and lit a cigarette while watching the events in silence. It resembled a scene from a family satire. </p><p>Eventually, Dean saw a couple that acted so sweetly with each other. They were two elderly people who behaved in a perfect flow, always reacting naturally to the other’s actions. </p><p>The woman knew beforehand her husband was going to sneeze, because she had already reached for the tissue. On the other hand, the man noticed she was freezing, wordlessly getting a blanket from the trunk. This sight was the cutest thing he’d seen in all the time they’d sat in traffic. He glanced at Cas who pursed his lips and looked - appalled? Why would he hate this sight? </p><p>Dean’s heart clenched in his chest because maybe that was the problem after all. Dean was too old already, and Cas didn’t want to experience his aging process. Maybe they’d waited too long, maybe it was too late. Probably, Cas would leave him again, going back to heaven or else. No, it was never too late, he tried reminding himself. It couldn’t be. </p><p>It was ridiculous Dean reflected on this before they had even defined their relationship – still, he couldn’t stop it. He had to ignore his rattling mind, just for now. This had been such an outstanding day so far, Dean couldn’t destroy the mood. Hence, he swallowed his growing panic, and continued commenting on the people standing outside their cars. </p><p>He would have liked to know which cliché he and Cas would have fitted into.</p><p>Finally, he stopped in front of the bunker and grinned at Cas. Distracted by his blue eyes, he needed a moment to catch himself. Quickly, another saying lay on his tongue.<br/>
"Enough sexual tension and crazy drama for now?“</p><p>In the evening Cas told him he had business to attend to, but promised he would be back in the morning. Dean really wanted to know what all those missions were about. By now, he had the strong suspicion these trips weren’t all Lucifer related, but rather had to do something with him. He had asked Cas about these missions, trying to get some facts out of him. Cas had remained silent though. </p><p>After Cas had left, Dean googled the meaning of ivy. He learned what he’d already read years back – since the ancient times it symbolized fidelity and eternity. That couldn’t have been the message here, could it? Dean’s throat was dry. </p><p>He continued googling the peculiarities of ivy, found some anecdotes from earlier centuries which included sects, animal sacrifices and other sick rituals, described in detail. He read and read until his head hurt, and he didn’t know what was real anymore. So much for ivy theories. He needed a diversion, and it was a good moment to spend more time with Sammy. </p><p>"Before you ask, I don’t want to talk about it,“ Dean greeted Sam from a distance without mincing words. "Let’s just watch the movie or play a game for all I care.“ In the TV room Dean heard a gasp and a booming laugh. </p><p>When Dean entered the room, Sam grabbed Dean’s forehead. "Are you sick? You hate shoot-‘em-ups.“ He made quotation marks in the air at the last word. "You might not know me so well after all.“ Dean shrugged and punched Sam in the upper arm. "I’m totally into it.“ He tried to keep the irony out of his voice and plopped down on the sofa. </p><p>"Instead of questioning me unnecessarily, you could be a good little brother. I’d like a non-alcoholic beer.“ Sammy, still laughing, shook his head and ran into the kitchen.<br/>
"Don’t fall!“ Dean shouted after him, grinning to himself. Contentedly, he threw himself back into the big cushions of the sofa, and put his feet down on the leather stool. </p><p>He was just looking for a halfway appealing game on the console when Sam announced himself with a loud "Ta-da“. He tossed Dean a beer and narrowly missed his head. "Your throwing technique leaves something to be desired, dude. You almost put me in the hospital just now.“</p><p>"Wouldn’t that have been your highlight of the day? Surely you miss the hospital food.“ To any other person Dean would have resented such a statement, now he just growled in amusement.  </p><p>"Where’s Cas?“ Sam asked after a while.<br/>
"I told him to send my greetings to our enemies,“ Dean answered quietly.<br/>
"You mean he went off,“ Sam answered laughing. "Now I know what’s going on. You miss him. God, Dean, you are adorable and so whipped by him. You two really make a good team.“ Immediately, potato chips rained down on Dean. </p><p>"I would respond to your childish behavior with the same attack, but I cleaned too thoroughly to destroy everything in a matter of seconds. From now on, we’ll shift it to one of your super games.“</p><p>"You were actually serious about that?“ asked Sam, grinning like he won in the lottery. "Okay, have it your way. But don’t whine later. You can save that for Cas.“ A smile involuntarily spread across Dean’s face at the mention of his best friend. Lover. "Oh man, every time I think you can’t look more intensely while thinking of Cas,“ Sam revolted. His eyes looked at him full of warmth, though, and no more words were needed.</p><p>Two hours later, Dean was already regretting his suggestion. "Man, why does he miss by five yards every time?“ The image blurred - dead again. "I can’t believe you fire guns in real life like a pro and here you act so clumsily. Dean, how many times do I have to tell you? You have to aim. That’s what people do who don’t just want to shoot haphazardly in the air.“</p><p>"You’re so fucking funny, you should have become a comedian,“ Dean grumbled to himself. "You better help me out. If I outright die every time, it’s not really a triumph for you either.“</p><p>"That’s what only you think. I’m happy the way things are now.“ To add emphasis to his words, Sam toasted himself. In the meantime, they’d opened a bottle of eggnog because why the hell not? Dean wasn’t in the mood for beer anymore, and he liked the taste. It was Christmastime after all, eggnog was like a tradition.</p><p>Sam cleared his throat. "For real though. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but the two of you are actually a thing now?“</p><p>Dean felt flustered and presented like on a serving tray. "Dude, we’re so not having this kind of conversation.“ Sam shot him an amused look and shrugged his shoulders. Dean sighed, touching his chin. "I don’t know what we are, we haven’t exactly talked about it yet. We’re taking it slow. I don’t want to rush or ruin things, I mean, I’m not exactly an expert. I... I’m happy though.“</p><p>Sam smiled at him, stood up and hugged him tightly. "I see that. You deserve it, man, you of all people.“ Dean grinned, feeling awkward and blissful at the same time. "Appreciate it, thanks.“</p><p>"Oh, but do me a favor and try to keep the volume down when you two... um. You know...“</p><p>"Make love?“</p><p>"I was gonna say "fuck your brains out“, but you let it sound romantic.“ Sam looked at him curiously, and became serious again. "Just, um, spare me with details. I mean, I’ve been expecting this for a long time, but... I still have to get used to it.“ He expected it? Why did his own brother know his feelings better than himself? Were there other people knowing about his romantic feelings towards Cas? </p><p>Dean laughed and clapped Sam’s back. Then he put some eggnog in his and Sam’s glass. "Drink up, Sammy. Or I’ll tell you in detail about Cas‘ kissing noises.“ Dean smacked his lips, imitating a moan then. </p><p>"Dude, gross!“ Sam exclaimed and downed the eggnog. "You’re unbelievable.“ Dean laughed out loud, feeling immature and awesome. "Let’s kill more of those frigging zombies.“</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. What is love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Team Free Will hunts a witch. Afterwards, Cas takes care of Dean. They get closer day by day, and Dean has a revelation about the meaning of love.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 9. :) What can I say? They start talking, and Dean is overwhelmed by emotions. I’m so proud. ;) And they will talk more, I promise. We have still a few parts left. Happy ending guaranteed. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On the 15th of December they did some research, found a case - a fucking witch - which was worth checking out over the next days. It wasn’t far away and Dean really, really didn’t mind at all. They sat in the library, Dean and Cas had their hands clasped on the table while reading in old spell books. </p><p>During their research, Dean could never take his eyes off Cas. And now he enjoyed this feeling, the excitement, the tingling that came with every eye contact. He no longer had to be ashamed of it, he could savor it completely. </p><p>They went on the hunt on the 16th of December. When Dean announced somewhat oddly that he wanted to book his own motel room this time, Sam didn’t even bat an eye. Dean knew he observed them subtly, his eyes always betrayed him, but they hadn’t talked about it another time. </p><p>And maybe they didn’t need to. Nothing had changed, not really. They were still Dean and Cas like they’d always been, but now there were the many enhancements which made everything whole. And concerning those things Sam would go by the motto that ignorance was bliss. </p><p>Cas followed him to the motel room as a matter of course, mumbling something about "watching over him“ again. Yeah, there wasn’t much watching that night, more like licking and giggling and touching. On these days Cas gifted him beer and an old Zepp tape he must’ve bought at a flea market. </p><p>December 18 was a demanding day because they finally located the witch and decided to attack her in her hiding spot. Since she owned an old book with some nasty spells, she knew a few tricks and was able to defend herself much too long. </p><p>Long story short, Dean knew why he hated witches. Still, the harder part was the monster which had been breathing down their neck in secret the whole time. Although they’d known she had an accomplice, they were slightly surprised by his appearance. </p><p>It turned out she wasn’t working with another witch as they’d suspected, but with a frigging shapeshifter. After his revelation a sick hide-and-seek began once more. The two of them escaped over and over, hiding in the sewers, secret passages, barely noticeable rooms. </p><p>Eventually, the shifter turned into Cas, making one hell of an imitation. Then his eyes moved in an unusual manner, and Dean got suspicious. He reacted a bit too late, got hurt in the process, but in the end he ended the monster with a silver blade. </p><p>In the meantime, the witch had gone after Sammy. They were in another room, only noticeable by cackling and screaming. Dean was in shock for a second, not knowing what to take care of first. He went looking for Cas who was bound to a boiler. </p><p>After he’d freed Cas and worriedly cradled his face for wounds (which were not too deep), Cas smiled at him. He was okay. He was his badass angel, and he was strong, couldn’t be drubbed so easily. Dean heaved a sigh of relief. </p><p>Although Cas‘ eyes looked tired, they sprinkled with amusement. "You need a shower.“ And then Cas laughed easily, grabbing his face and kissing him urgently. He kissed him and kissed him, not caring Dean had goo and blood all over his face. </p><p>When they found Sammy and the witch, Dean tried his best diversion moves. Cas on the other hand, quickly assembled some ingredients. From the corner of his eye Dean saw him murmuring some words, and soon after they made it. Whatever spell Cas had remembered, it tamed the witch. She couldn’t move or talk anymore, therefore they could kill her at last. </p><p>After the hunt Dean got a more intimate surprise again, as Cas announced he wanted to wash him. He carried a huge bowl in his one hand, already filled with water and soap, and a washcloth in the other. "Pal, my whole body is a mess, and I stink like I lived with dead bodies and garbage for a month.“ </p><p>Cas squinted his eyes in his familiar manner. "You were saying?“<br/>
Dean stifled a laugh and sighed loudly. "So, you don’t need to wash me. I... You can delay the surprise, I don’t hold a grudge against ya. Just give me a voucher or anything. Or you can ignore the surprises for today, I totally get it. I have to take a shower anyway,“ Dean stuttered.</p><p>"Dean.“ Cas stood directly in front of him in a heartbeat. He kneed, carefully enclosing Dean’s rough hands with his. "Stop it at this instant!“</p><p>"I don’t know what...“ Cas put his hand on Dean’s mouth, using more pressure the more often Dean tried to say something. Dean growled, but he sounded more like a yelping dog which hadn’t been outside for some hours.</p><p>"You don’t get to decide how I feel watching you. I see the goo and the skin rests.“ Cas rolled his eyes. "But I don’t see it, not here.“ Cas pointed to his heart. "I see all which is underneath.“ </p><p>He took the cloth and placed it on his face, a gesture so tender Dean felt raw. Cas washed his forehead, continued with his left and right cheek. He washed his nose which tickled a little, then he cleaned his lips. He cleaned his ears and his neck and returned his attention to Dean’s forehead, letting the cloth linger there. Some water pearls trickled down onto Dean’s nose, getting lost on his lips. </p><p>He didn’t care because all he could notice was Cas‘ adoring look and the way he watched him – again – like he discovered him for the first time. "I see you. Always. It doesn’t matter if you’re covered in blood, or dirt or self-hatred.“ Dean looked away then, coughing loudly. </p><p>He felt too much, and he wanted to make a silly joke à la "Best clothing I own“. He wanted to react sarcastic. Familiar behavior, much easier to handle. He even wanted to yell at Cas for making him feel everything, but he couldn’t. Why would he? He felt too much at peace for that right now. "Cas, you... you’re too good for me.“ Cas sighed, touching Dean’s chin with his fingers now.</p><p>"No. I’m not a good... person per se,“ he said. "I make mistakes every day. I failed the world – you – over and over. Most of the time I feel useless. I don’t possess the powers I used to. I’m not as "badass“ anymore, but it’s okay because I am more me now. And I’m still here because you want me to. You were the one who taught me everything that is of importance in this world. You taught me to think and act for myself, to live on my own accords. To enjoy. And I decided to appreciate your gesture every day until my last.“ Cas seemed bewildered now, looking to the left and right every few seconds.</p><p>"Castiel,“ Dean breathed, swallowing hard. He hadn’t called him by his full name in ages, but right now, he had to. </p><p>What was he supposed to do? He wasn’t good at comforting others, normally he excelled in making everything worse. He reached for Cas‘ back. Then he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him onto his lap, ignoring Cas‘ quiet protest. </p><p>"Shush,“ Dean whispered. He couldn’t bear seeing Cas like this. He couldn’t bear the hopeless and sad sound of Cas‘ voice. Furthermore, he knew Cas had his burdens to carry, they’d talked about it often enough. But Cas had never said it like this, not with so much sincerity, stripping himself bare. </p><p>"It doesn’t matter. The apocalypses, our enemies, us fighting in one war after another. It’s not... it’s not what defines us in the end. We define ourselves...and each other. And... you’re not useless,“ he hummed, taking a deep breath. </p><p>"Not to me. Not to the entirely broken man who’s slowly getting whole again. Shred by shred. It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t, you hear me? Hell, you could lose all your powers for all I care. Of course, it would be a frigging shame 'cause your strength is one of the many things making you so damn sexy, but there’s so, so much more about you. You would still be you. You’re Cas because you’re this awesome angel, but you’re also not, ya know. And... that might be the most batshit crazy thing I’ve said all year.“</p><p>"No,“ Cas whispered. "It was perfect.“ They were silent after that, and maybe the adrenaline from the hunt really did evoke some emotions, some bravery in Dean. </p><p>At this moment, he thought that maybe Cas wanted the same as him after all. That Dean maybe didn’t deserve much in life, but he deserved Cas. Because they knew the worst of each other, and they accepted it or learned how to handle it at least. Because they took the imperfections and decided there existed nothing better. Maybe they really were on the same wavelength here, he thought. Maybe. </p><p>Dean only took a quick shower because Cas had insisted to still wash his hair. Indeed, he washed his hair so thoroughly and tenderly Dean gulped more than once. Then Cas even shaved him, and Dean couldn’t believe his luck. Cas really was set on this mission to do anything to make Dean happy. </p><p>On the 19th of December Cas gently shook his shoulder. He’d been staying with him again last night, and honestly? Dean hadn’t slept so well in – forever. Cas presented him flowers as a surprise, and Dean was baffled, at first, because he’d never gotten flowers before in his entire life. There were red sweet maries and Jasmine flowers* which smelled wonderful. Dean was full of bliss.</p><p>Later Cas murmured in his ear, "I always liked the backseat of the impala.“ Dean had a lump in his throat, but Cas already kissed him, kissed him like the world was going to end. </p><p>Dean was so turned on by that he dragged Cas with him, drove to a secluded spot in one hellish speed. And then he just guided Cas into the backseat, fiddling with his clothes. Dean kissed him tenderly and slowly and explored all parts of Cas‘ body. Mostly T-rated though. And Cas, he panted beneath him, so lost in the sensation. And he pressed their bodies together, whispering Dean’s name over and over. </p><p>Cas climbed onto Dean and got bolder. Cas‘ fingers were skillful, and Dean almost came in his jeans because he felt so good. They still hadn’t talked about them, and Dean was afraid to bring it up. He was aware he was an idiot, but he wasn’t good at this stuff. And Cas wasn’t exactly talkative in this matter either. </p><p>Dean sure as hell knew he felt incredible and happier than he’d ever felt before in his life, and at the moment that sufficed. When they were fully clothed again, they took a huge blanket and sat on Baby’s hood. Although Cas couldn’t freeze, Dean fully wrapped his shoulders into the blanket. </p><p>They sat there, just listening to Dean’s soft rock compilation. After a while, Dean stood up, getting a box with their Christmas cookies he’d kept in Baby. </p><p>Then he did the cheesiest thing he could think of: He took a cookie with his name on it, fed Cas with it, and then ate one with Cas‘ name himself. </p><p>Dean grinned at him afterwards, removing some crumbs from the corner of Cas‘ mouth. When he kissed him, he still tasted the icing on his tongue.   </p><p>The 20th of December was quiet. They both read in comfortable silence, glancing at each other from time to time, always smiling. In the evening they laid in bed, and Dean read in Cas‘ latest surprise, a special edition of "The Sirens of Titan“. </p><p>He’d always liked Vonnegut’s novel, but now he appreciated the message even more. Free Will, well it was something he’d earned for himself. </p><p>Every few pages he grinned to himself, shooting Cas a glance who was absorbed in "Pride and Prejudice". Dean snorted. </p><p>Then Cas gave him a little smile again, and Dean knew something was up. "You should read something to me, Dean.“ His voice was gravelly, but transported the softest command, and of course Dean read some pages aloud. </p><p>Cas laid on Dean’s lap, always humming deeply in his throat and sighing at the emotional or thrilling passages. Sometimes his breathing stopped, sometimes he gave a high, clear laugh which made Dean’s legs vibrate. </p><p>And suddenly something in Dean clicked. </p><p>He had never really been in love before. What was love anyway? Of course, Dean knew love in a general sense. Family love. Platonic love. </p><p>He had known his infatuations from his relationships with Cassie and Lisa, but even those had been feelings that had not completely fulfilled him. They hadn’t been all-consuming, had remained superficial. </p><p>And then there were the representations, the constructs in any form of art. In films, in TV shows, in literature. And last but not least in music. In art, Dean could understand love better than in real life. </p><p>He only vaguely remembered the love of his parents. From his environment he only took it as something indefinable - something that could not be put into words. </p><p>Maybe that was exactly the point. Rationally speaking, Dean had understood somewhere how overwhelming love could be. But in the end, it all came down to one thing: One had to experience unconditional love for themselves. </p><p>Dean thought about all the surprises, how much thought Cas had put into choosing them. And could that really be a coincidence? </p><p>At his moment, here in bed with Cas, he comprehended what love meant. </p><p>What was love? </p><p>Love was reading together in the Men of Letters‘ Library. Conversations and discussions on a wide variety of topics. Bickering. </p><p>Love was staring into each other’s eyes and finding the answers to never asked questions there. </p><p>Love was fighting together and having each other’s backs. Love was overcoming misunderstandings and pride. It was calling each other out on their bullshit. </p><p>Love was fighting and yelling at each other from time to time. Love was laughter, silly comments. Letting oneself fall. </p><p>Love was about trust and overcoming inner walls. Love was balancing the highs and lows. Love were the touches which weren’t necessary but wholesome. Love was a tingling on the skin and a warmth spreading in the whole body. </p><p>But love was also coming to rest. An escape from the horrors in their world. A belonging. </p><p>Love was finally being himself. Love were the trifles in everyday life which suddenly meant everything. Love was as natural as double stars in the sky, the wind on his skin or the snow on his tongue. </p><p>Love was a trench coat which would never be only a piece of clothing anymore. Love was the smell of forest, honey, and lime. </p><p>Love was Cas. </p><p>Dean was head over heels in love with him. No, he loved Cas. The four letters he’d never said out loud romantically. L. O. V. E. </p><p>He’d always felt that, he’d known in his own little inner world for a long time, somehow, but now he was ready to actually tell the world outside. To bare his soul out. To tell Cas. </p><p>Son of a bitch.</p><p>After a while, Dean touched Cas softly who had already fallen asleep. Cas never slept much but when he was able to he solely did it in Dean’s presence. Cas had told him that he calmed him. He poked Cas‘ shoulder lightly, ruffled his hair and said some words to him. No reaction or response. Dean breathed, his heart hammering in his chest. </p><p>"Cas?“ he asked, not trusting himself. He could collapse on the spot, any second. </p><p>"Bees are ugly and stupid,“ he muttered, holding his breath for a few seconds. "All angels should play the harp at least five times a day.“ Still no reaction from Cas. He approached his face, closer, ever closer. He watched him sleep, and in a way he understood why Cas enjoyed it so much in reverse. </p><p>He looked at Cas, studied his features. In sleep Cas‘ forehead was completely loose, no furrows which showed the worries he felt so often. His nose twitched every few seconds. Sometimes his mouth opened slightly, producing the cutest noises. </p><p>Dean only smiled. He had somehow earned this. This beautiful sight he could bathe in now. </p><p>Dean watched him for more than an hour until he smiled and sniffed simultaneously. Even more, he laughed and sobbed quietly, being sure now that Cas wouldn’t wake all out of a sudden. </p><p>"Cas, ya know, I...,“ he rasped, testing his voice. If he couldn’t practice this alone, starting to saying his feelings out loud, he would never be able to. And he had to. </p><p>"Dammit,“ he cursed. With his index finger he stroked Cas‘ cheek, tracing the contours of his face. </p><p>He was shaking. "You... you read the book earlier. I’ve never read it, only watched the movie with Keira Knightley. She was pretty there. I... I watched it at 3 am on a Friday. It was a rerun, I dunno. At first, I wanted to turn it off because it was so strange, and they always danced and talked and everyone had a stick in their ass.“ He made a sound of disgust until he hurriedly started talking again. </p><p>"But they were also real, the protagonists. They were in this whole facade stuff everyone built there, and they practically provoked each other to look under the surface. They were more. It was intriguing. The one quote, it just stuck with me.“ He inhaled. </p><p>"I suck at this, at emotions, telling them. But I will say them, the three little words. Of course, I’ll tell ya. You deserve it. I have it all planned in my head. I will be good to you. Holy shit, you’re making me so sappy. You have bewitched me, ya know. Body and soul, yeah.“ </p><p>He inhaled, pinching his nose. He kissed Cas‘ forehead and murmured, almost toneless, "You’re the one, Cas. The only one.“</p><p>And now he finally knew what he would give Cas for Christmas. With a contented smile on his lips, he fell asleep peacefully. </p><p>The next morning, on the 21st of December, the other half of the bed was empty. The bed was neatly made. </p><p>Dean’s heart burst into a thousand pieces. He felt anger, let out a long scream. Then one single, treacherous tear escaped his eye.</p><p>On the pillow laid a note, "I’ll be back for Christmas.“ </p><p>And that was it. No endearments, no sweet words, nothing. Cas was gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Meaning:</p><p>Jasmin flowers: You are ravishing.</p><p>sweet maries: willingsness for a romantic relationship<br/>red sweet maries: love</p><p>And of course, the ivy pendant meant exactly what Dean thought it meant, duh.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. A match made outside of heaven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean helps a stranded girl and mixes well with her. Later that day, Cas calls Dean, and they have a clarifying conversation.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 10. :) We’ll have more talking, they put some of their misunderstandings out of the way. </p><p>Rest assured: In this story, they will both tell each other "I love you“ not only indirectly and with their actions, but of course also explicitly. :) </p><p>Enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean’s body shook violently, and every step was agony. The wind whipped around his ears, and dirt swirled up under his feet. After only a few minutes, his trouser legs were full of dirt, but he didn’t waste a thought on it. Breathing heavily and with burning eyes he ran on. He tried to run away from his yearning. Cas was still gone, and he couldn’t handle it – at all. </p><p>Dean missed Cas. So much. He had vanished just a few hours ago, and Dean felt terrible. He was scared, still didn’t know what to make of Cas‘ sudden disappearance. Had Dean driven him away? He’d always expected it, he’d always feared he would say something, eventually, to chase Cas away. Had he said something to upset him? His tension manifested stronger than in any hunt he had ever done. </p><p>Dean ran through the forest for another hour, making his way through the trees. Just as he was on his way back and had almost reached the spot where Baby was parked, he suddenly heard a voice. </p><p>"Hello? Help, can anyone hear me?“ Someone was calling. It was rare for anyone to get lost in this part of the forest. Despite the proximity to the lake, the bushes were too thick, posing a constant danger when jogging or hiking with their numerous thorns. </p><p>Soon, he had found the source of the call. A teenager, about 15 or 16, was sitting on her butt, one leg upright and slightly bent. The other leg was stretched out, so it was in the middle of a puddle. "Whoa!“ He threw his arms in the air, approaching her carefully. "Don’t be scared. I heard you calling.“ </p><p>The girl looked up, and relief flitted across her face. "Fuck. I was beginning to think I was going to have to lie here for hours.“ Dean crouched down, briefly put his hand on her arm. "The name’s Dean. What are you called?“ </p><p>Panicked, the girl leaned back a bit. "You’re not hitting on me now, are you? I’m still a minor.“ After all, she didn’t seem to be completely trusting, which made him all the more surprised to find her here all alone in the middle of the woods. </p><p>Where were her parents, or at least friends of hers? Various holes and patches adorned her pants. Washed-out T-shirt, denim jacket - all in all, she looked like a normal teenager. A girl who was dirty and had drenched hair, but at least she was sane and articulated very reflectively for her age.</p><p>"Go figure, your Hannah Montana T-shirt already told me that.“<br/>
"You haven’t calcified yet, I’ll give you that. The T-shirt is old though, I’m more into Led Zeppelin now.“</p><p>"Good taste.“ He winked at her, whereupon her posture relaxed a bit. "I have to check your leg.“ </p><p>Now she made an inviting motion, taking her hands away, so he could reach them better. "Where does it hurt?“</p><p>"Ankle,“ came a monosyllable from her, and he carefully felt over her leg. "How did that happen?“ She tried to sit up straighter, drew in a sharp breath and grabbed her chest. Obviously she was in a lot of pain. "It was slippery, tripped over a root or something.“ The classic. </p><p>On one of his first hunts, he had also been reckless, not wearing sturdy shoes and straying too far from the trails to boot. He had promptly slipped on a hilly spot, fallen down and slid down several meters until he had crashed into a tree at full speed. He had been lucky to have cushioned himself in time.  </p><p>"You have to walk carefully in this weather, the forest is unpredictable.“</p><p>"You talk about it as if it had a consciousness.“ Immediately, Dean thought about Cas‘ talks about nature and sighed. </p><p>"We’d better postpone that discussion until later. The ankle is probably sprained, you’re hypothermic. I’ll drive you to the hospital.“</p><p>"No doctor!“ She winced, sliding backward with widened eyes, but Dean gently held her hand. "Please don’t, I’ll be fine.“<br/>
"All right, but then I need to look at your leg. My home is not far, just a few minutes from here. Can you stand up?“ </p><p>She tried, but immediately sank back to the floor, groaning. "Ouch,“ she muttered, grabbing the back of her head, then looked at her hands - blood. This was not good, hopefully it was just a laceration. </p><p>He really needed to get her out of here. "I can carry you if you promise not to press sexual harassment charges against me afterwards.“ </p><p>That elicited a small smile that actually made her look as young as she was. "I will allow it, oh my prince who redeems me.“ Shaking his head, he knelt down and reached under her armpits, lifting her briefly to test how heavy she was. </p><p>"This isn’t the first time I’ve heard that.“<br/>
"Oh, it’s your hobby, isn’t it? Freeing young girls from the clutches of the forest? This isn’t an adventure story, you know.“</p><p>"You’ve got a snappy mouth for someone who’s completely helpless right now. And no, this is the first time. I was just having a conversation about Sleeping Beauty the other day and may have associated myself with the prince.“ </p><p>At her confused expression, Dean laughed and shook his head. The adrenaline made him talkative again, more talkative than usual. </p><p>"Don’t be alarmed, I’m going to lift you up now.“ With that, he reached under her thighs, and she automatically put her arms around his neck, hiding her head there. </p><p>After a few feet, they reached the car and Dean carefully hoisted her into the passenger seat. She made a choking noise, apparently on the verge of throwing up. </p><p>"My name is Hanna,“ she whispered and closed her eyes, panting, a tear running down her cheek. Dean sighed. Despite her confident demeanor, this was still just a girl lost alone in the woods. This was not an everyday experience for such a young girl. </p><p>"Are you okay?“ he asked, because Hanna still hadn’t opened her eyes. </p><p>"I just feel sick. Go ahead with your kidnapping.“</p><p>"All right.“ Again he laughed, and it amazed him that his mood was suddenly leaps and bounds better. In fact, he felt more cheerful than he had all the last few hours combined. </p><p>After buckling up, he turned the ignition key and put the car in reverse. Before driving off, he took a quick glance at his unwilling passenger, making sure she was still stable. "By the way, I’m not seemingly dead yet.“ </p><p>Her lips curled. "You’re cool. Anyone else wouldn’t have even let me finish and shipped me off to the doctor right away.“ She gasped and hugged herself.</p><p>"I’m sure that would have been the more sensible option, too, but I’ve already made the mistake of being too patronizing and pushy, so I’ve learned from that.“</p><p>"With your daughter?“ inquired Hanna curiously.</p><p>"No children. No, with my brother. And with my best friend,“ Dean explained quietly, not knowing where he was suddenly getting the honesty from. </p><p>He spared himself further explanation, however, and turned off toward the bunker. </p><p>Outside the door, he touched Hanna gently on the shoulder. "Well, here we are. Don’t be alarmed, we have some security here.“</p><p>"That was quick.“ She opened her eyes and unbuckled her seat belt. </p><p>Dean unlocked the bunker and carried her inside, where Hanna immediately exclaimed, "Wicked.“ To distract her from her pain, Dean told her about the different rooms.</p><p>In one of the guest rooms he put Hanna down on one of the beds, who let out a joyful whoop. "Awesome, how comfortable is this?“ Grinning contentedly, she stretched out. </p><p>After he’d patched up her ankle and head wound and given her a cooling pack, Dean ran into Sammy’s room and picked up a hair dryer. Finally, he looked for some old clothes he mostly used for handicraft activities. </p><p>"Here, try this on, otherwise you’ll catch cold,“ he said, holding the clean and, more importantly, dry clothes in front of her. She didn’t seem to mind that the clothes would be much too big for her and nodded. </p><p>Then Dean plugged the hair dryer into the nearest outlet, handed it to Hanna, and announced he would make her some cocoa and lock the door. </p><p>She shouldn't think he was watching her change or some sick crap like that. Disgusted, he shook himself, and was set about putting milk on the stove. Soon he heard the hum of the hair dryer in the distance and grinned. </p><p>A few minutes later, he poured the cocoa into a cup, made himself one too, and knocked on the door. "Hanna, I’m coming in now.“</p><p>"Yep!“ she replied, and he pushed the handle down with his elbow. She had already snuggled into the blanket. "Thanks,“ she whispered as he set the hot chocolate down on the table. </p><p>"I should call your parents,“ he said as she sipped her cocoa. Her expression darkened. "No way.“ Dean groaned, massaging his temples. He should have guessed, a runaway. "You ran away from home.“</p><p>"How do you know?“</p><p>"Call it an occupational disease,“ he returned with a shrug, then stood up and halted right in front of the bed. "I’m sure your parents are worried.“</p><p>"Screw them, they don’t care where I stay anyway.“ Vehemently, Dean shook his head, squatting down. "That’s not true.“</p><p>"Man, how do you do that? You can’t possibly know if my parents don’t beat me or if I’m a drug addict and I never talk to them.“ He grumbled in disbelief and reached for her hand. </p><p>"Believe me, I’ve got a feel for it. Need it for the job.“ And he knew demanding parents. Hanna eyed him for a few moments, quickly lowered her eyes again. </p><p>"Wow, declining fortune by the minute. A cop.“</p><p>"Nah, there’s no way.“ Dean chuckled. "I’m a hunter.“ </p><p>"If I had known hunters were that handsome I would have thought about other career plans,“ she said with compressed lips, and Dean laughed. Then she resumed speaking. "My parents are great, but right now we’re always arguing. They don’t have a clue, and it pisses me off so much.“</p><p>Without further ado, Dean sat down on the table and folded his hands. "And then you thought running away was the best idea?“ he echoed hesitantly. </p><p>"I left them a letter, ain’t all shit. They think I’m with a chat friend. They know her, so it’s all good. And Ela’s covering for me.“ She set the cup on the floor, groaning again. "Honestly, I didn’t think of it on my own.“ </p><p>Hanna pulled the blanket up to the tip of her nose, and Dean only heard her added, muffled, "I got the whole rebellion thing out of a book.“ </p><p>Since Dean didn’t yell at her or look at her disapprovingly, she dared to let her guard down. Suspiciously, she looked at him. "You’re not laughing at all.“ </p><p>Her tone sounded so incredulous, almost reproachful, that he had to laugh. </p><p>"Was I supposed to? I figured it must’ve been one damn convincing book if that’s what you’re taking as an example.“</p><p>"And how, that book series is insane. At the time, I actually stole it from my sister because she was being annoying again. I thought if I hid it, she’d went ballistic and start crying or something. But then one day after homework I was so incredibly bored, there was nothing on TV, and I read a few pages. And I don’t usually read books, way too boring.“ Dean smirked a little at her outburst. He liked the girl. </p><p>Hanna kneaded her hands now, was obviously eager to tell him more.</p><p> "And I thought "Matched“ was a typical love story. You know there is the one guy she is promised to, and then there is the other guy she really wants, but she can’t have him due to social restrictions. But they are drawn to each other anyway. She feels bad because society wouldn’t tolerate them being together.“ </p><p>Her eyes lingered briefly on the numerous bookshelves, and she laughed. "But it was so exciting. The main character is so real and strong, and she rebels, starts questioning the system. I sympathized with everything she went through. Sometimes I thought, 'Cassia, are you stupid?‘ But it was more like a good friend, you know. I wanted to tell her she was making a mistake because she hadn’t realized it herself yet. In the end, she decides to be with the guy she really wants and honestly, the rest is history.“ </p><p>Had she just said Cassia? Dean’s heart contracted painfully because, of course, with the name resemblance and the plot overall he had to think of Cas. </p><p>"Now you’re looking at me weirdly. Man, I wish I hadn’t told you. I can do without a funny judgment.“ </p><p>Dean ran his fingers through his hair. Why was he still having equally long and serious conversations with a 15- to 16-year-old girl? Didn’t he want to dwell in self-pity and anger?</p><p>"That ain’t it, young lady,“ he muttered. </p><p>At some point Hanna told him the whole story, the real reason why she had run away from home. A guy two grades above her was tutoring her. They had a crush on each other. Hanna’s parents had forbidden her contact outside her tutoring sessions, which of course had made her furious and unhappy. And that’s how she’d ended up here, half a day’s drive from home. </p><p>To avoid closer discussions on his own emotions, Dean asked her in more detail about the book which had caused her to rebel. This whole match thing and the desribed society made for an interesting dystopian setting. Of course, he didn’t belong to the target audience but he grasped why the novel would thrill young adults. </p><p>Dean was lost in thought after that. He remembered the elder women Emmie’s flippant remark about them being a "match made in heaven“. It felt ironic to him that the fact Cas had rebelled – for him – actually capped his roots to heaven. </p><p>They had become so close despite heaven’s plans and rules. Therefore, they’d be a match made outside of heaven. And somehow, this thought comforted Dean a lot – and he was able to fall asleep calmly. </p><p>At 4 am, he awoke with a start due to a nightmare. He was shaking, sweating, but it was just the one nightmare this night. The odds were better than he could’ve hoped for. After he’d calmed down a bit, he fell asleep again. </p><p>"Dean!“ Who was it that roused him from his well-deserved sleep in the early morning? That’s right, he had picked up a runaway the previous evening and allowed her to sleep here. </p><p>Grumbling, he pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Outside, he was met with an unusual sight. Hanna, dressed in his clothes, was standing in the entryway talking to Sam, who looked somewhat confused. </p><p>"Good morning!“ Dean greeted both of them, trying to look as casual as possible. </p><p>"Dean, the long-haired man here says you’re his brother. I could see a certain resemblance, but I didn’t want to let strange men run through the bunker.“ </p><p>That’s right, she preferred to stay overnight at said men’s house. With him, of all people, who really wasn’t known for falling around strangers‘ necks. </p><p>"It’s all right, Hanna, you don’t have to go all karate kid.“ </p><p>He took the last few steps all at once and ran up to the two of them. Sam had come in by now, still watching the spectacle as mute as a maggot. </p><p>"Dude, either you have kept your daughter from me all these years, or you have gone among the sex offenders. Since I don’t joke about either, I’d be very interested in an explanation.“ Sammy’s arms were crossed in front of his chest, and Dean rolled his eyes. </p><p>There was a bag from a coffee shop on the map table, which immediately caused his stomach to growl. "Good thing you brought rolls. I’ll make some coffee.“ Hanna beamed at him, looking much fitter than the previous day anyway.</p><p>"Another cocoa for me, dearest kidnapper.“ Dean shook his head and headed toward the kitchen. Immediately he heard hurried footsteps behind him and a door being slammed. </p><p>At first pretending not to have heard anything, Dean poured milk into a pot again, turned on the stove. "Seriously, what are you doing here? When you said you weren’t in any kind of social mood, I thought you needed some time to yourself. Now I don’t understand anything.“ </p><p>Meanwhile, Dean was tearing open the kitchen cabinets, pulling out cocoa and cups. In deepest concentration, he poured milk into the pot. </p><p>The stove heated the milk, and Dean realized that he could not now feign activity to avoid a response. "It wasn’t planned that way. She hurt herself, should I have left her in the middle of the woods? She’s all right. I’ll talk to her later and take her to the station.“ </p><p>That was indeed what he planned to do, because her parents would only worry at some point after all. Hanna’s brilliant excuse couldn’t hold up much longer, plus he could tell she was homesick. </p><p>Adventure and rebellion all well and good, but she might have to wait a few more years until the next one. "Check. Now will you tell me what’s going on?“</p><p>"Cas issues,“ he evaded his brother. </p><p>"I’ve figured that much out. Man, give me some specifics.“ </p><p>Grumbling, Dean made the second cocoa, checked to make sure the milk was hot enough. "Not today.“ He couldn’t keep making Sam with these excuses forever, he knew that, but on this day he wasn’t in the mood for draining discussions. </p><p>"I already know that record,“ Sam mumbled, tossing a lump of sugar into his coffee and stirring noisily. "Fine, have it your way. But I’ll keep nagging you about it until I get some answers.“</p><p>"I’m already dancing samba,“ Dean called after him. Then he put cups, plates, silverware and cold cuts on a tray and maneuvered everything to the kitchen table.</p><p>"Man, what a service. Your better half is so lucky.“ Hanna had already joined Sam, and was grinning broadly.</p><p>"Come again?“ Sam asked with a grin as Dean sat down.<br/>
"My loved one I’m imagining right now. Sitting across from you,“ he replied, turning to Hanna. Then he thought of Cas sitting in the kitchen and his heart got warm. </p><p>"Oh, sorry, I thought because of Sleeping Beauty. That you must have said that to someone before you kissed...“ Again her face got red spots, and Dean laughed. </p><p>She smeared a generous amount of jam on her croissant and took a big bite. With her mouth half full, she mumbled, "Still. There’s a woman or a man, your Sleeping Beauty. You can’t fool me, that’s as clear as mud.“ Dean avoided her gaze, meeting it instead with Sam, who looked alternately at him and Hanna. </p><p>"Speak your mind,“ his lips formed tonelessly, probably the first time he’d heard that, too. </p><p>"Who knows,“ Dean replied, taking a sip of cocoa. After that, they ate in silence until Sam hastily turned on his cup. "So, the shopping is waiting. I can’t leave Cas and you gift-free on Christmas, can I?“ Dean choked on his hot drink and had a coughing fit, which Hanna tried to settle with vigorous pounding.</p><p>"A propos Cas,“ Sam announced. "Found this earlier. With the note "Jingle Bell Rock".“ As Sam grinned broadly at Dean, he suddenly reached behind himself. </p><p>In a matter of seconds, Dean wore a Christmas hat on his head. With a frigging bell and sparkling stars on top. And an ugly winking emoji face with a beard. Either Cas was trying to make fun of him, or he had a peculiar taste. Hanna and Sam laughed at him, and of course, Sam took the mandatory picture.</p><p>"Have fun,“ he muttered as Sam eventually slipped into his jacket.</p><p>After a brief goodbye, Hanna suddenly hugged Dean. "Thanks for still not betraying me. I’ve been thinking about it, I really should get back. Maybe if I explain everything to my parents, they’ll understand me. Or who knows, maybe I’ll even muster up the courage to talk to Tom.“</p><p>"That’s the right decision. Get ready, then I’ll take you to the station. I’ll pay for your ticket.“ Together they cleared the table, and Hanna packed her dry things into her backpack.</p><p>"I was right, wasn’t I?“ She eyed him insistently. He didn’t have to ask what she was talking about, knew she was alluding to Sleeping Beauty. </p><p>"Cas must be one hell of a guy.“ </p><p>"Yeah,“ Dean finally admitted, answering her first question. Why he was telling this to her of all people was beyond him. Maybe because he was unlikely to ever see her again. "It’s complicated.“ </p><p>Suddenly Hanna looked at him conspiratorially.<br/>
"We make a deal.“  </p><p>***</p><p>It was the 22nd of December. Christmas Eve was only a few days away, too few hours that gave Cas too much opportunity to back out and cancel on him at the last second. Or to simply not show up at all. After his hasty departure, Dean wouldn’t be surprised. </p><p>Right now, Dean didn’t feel like Christmas at all. One could buy gingerbread, spiced cookies, Christmas stollen and many other sweet temptations everywhere. Shop windows, front gardens and any interiors were decorated festively. </p><p>Although they had never really celebrated it in the past, Christmas had always possessed a special atmosphere, almost magic, for him. It even led him to enjoy being absorbed by the hustle and bustle of the city center. Strolling about the Christmas market. He did all that this year, too, even bought presents, but more out of habit, because he truly felt no magic. </p><p>Dean thought about Cas, and how they had bought the tree and drunk mulled wine. He thought about the ice skating, dancing and mistletoe. He was in a bad mood. He kept seeing Cas‘ smile in front of him. His honest, open smile that he only gave to the most important people in his life. The special smile he only showed in Dean’s presence. He wanted to talk to him again. He wanted to kiss him again. He just wanted to fall asleep with him. </p><p>Dean growled at himself. Cas had been gone for a day, and Dean behaved as if weeks had gone by. It just frustrated him so much that he was finally in harmony with his emotions, and yet, there was another obstacle. It was always like that with Cas and him. And he didn’t want it anymore. </p><p>He tried hard to find explanations for Cas‘ radio silence. Perhaps Dean had expressed himself stupidly, had not been able to clearly convey what was going on inside him. The more he thought about it, the more he panicked. Would Cas really be back for Christmas? Why had he run away in the first place? </p><p>Dean was plagued by his damn self-doubt. He went about his day as usual, apparently acting like he always did. Only now and then his behavior betrayed him. His answers were choppy and monosyllabic, he conducted dialogues more often with bitter undertones. Sam gave him worried looks, but Dean vehemently stifled any attempt to speak. </p><p>The longer the distance lasted, the more he wished for a clarifying conversation. A conversation that was exclusive to them both. Dean was full of building blocks, and it was time to come clean with Cas. To tell him his fears, to show him how much he loved him - to lay his heart completely bare, even at the risk of wanting something different than Cas. </p><p>In the evening, Dean laid in Cas‘ bed, telling himself that he could feel better here. But he was only lying to himself, because they had spent most of their time in Dean’s bed. Hence, his whole bed smelled like Cas, and he missed him even more in there. </p><p>Furthermore, Cas had somehow managed to leave his surprise in the bunker: a mini fridge. This gift, the thought of Cas who had chosen it for him, made him feel nauseous. And so he was in Cas‘ room, the room he had furnished and decorated to make Cas more comfortable. </p><p>Dean had searched the nightstand, hoping he’d find the little plush bee to cuddle with. Nonetheless, Cas must’ve taken the bee with him because there was nothing in the nightstand except for a few books and an empty vial which caused an inexplicable itching in Dean’s subconscious. He crammed it further into the back. </p><p>Right now, he felt the urge to yell "I love you" at him over and over. Hell, for a few days it had felt like they were inseparable, like Cas was practically living with him already. So when his cell phone rang, he was briefly tempted to ignore it, but it was his other cell phone - and this one was for cases. Maybe it was an emergency. </p><p>"Hello Dean.“ There it was, the too familiar voice from the other end of the line.</p><p>"Smooth move, Cas, using a phone booth. Tell me one good reason why I shouldn’t hang up right now.“ Dean had no nerve for such a phone call. It was all too much. He didn’t want to talk to Cas, didn’t want to feel that pain anymore. And he didn’t want to think about how good it had felt between them. </p><p>"Are you angry with me?“<br/>
"What gives you the idea?“ Dean said with gritted teeth. </p><p>"You sound as if you like to yell at me.“ In a normal situation Dean would’ve laughed at that, but now he felt so betrayed.</p><p>"No shit, Sherlock. Yes, Cas, I’m hella angry.“<br/>
"I don’t understand. Did I do anything wrong?“ He sounded confused, and Dean didn’t know if he should be more angry or baffled about it. </p><p>"No, everything’s fine. Just peachy.“ He inhaled air sharply. "I mean, yeah, I figured we had a damn good time this whole month. Spend loads of time together. Movies, research, listening to classic rock for hours. Our trips. All the talking. The frigging fantastic kissing and cuddling and hand holding.“</p><p>"I enjoyed that too. A lot. I don’t understand why you would...“</p><p>"You enjoyed that, huh?“ Dean interrupted him angrily, getting louder by the second. "That’s awesome, really, 'cause at least I didn’t imagine things. All the making out, the intimacy. I’m full of the joys of spring, man. Two days ago, the reading and stuff, I was never happier in my whole life. And I wanted to... I wanted to tell you that I... But the next morning you were just gone.“</p><p>"But Dean, I thought that’s what you wanted.“ Now Dean was at a loss for words. His breathing stopped, and he threw himself back into the cushions. He had no frigging idea what Cas was talking about.</p><p>"I... Why the hell would I want that? You’re driving me up the wall here. You know, you fucking know I want you here. With us. Me. It’s everything. So don’t come at me with this crap.“</p><p>"I was under the impression the "making out“ was simply an urge for physical touch on your side.“ Now Dean lost it. </p><p>He punched in the wooden back rest, threw his glass from the nightstand, taking a book and the vial with it in the process. It didn’t help though, the next words came out in a rush. </p><p>"Beg your pardon? What the fuck, Cas? Then I would go to a bar and hit on somebody. Except some random person would NEVER be you. And oh, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t done that for months now, so spare me with your rubbish excuses. Screw you, Cas, really.“ He hung up, and his chest burned.</p><p>He couldn’t breathe, because he couldn’t fathom the fact Cas would think that way. It had been real, he knew that. He felt it. After a few minutes he had calmed down a bit. Dean wasn’t fair. He hadn’t told Cas about his feelings yet – still, he had never given the implication Cas was disposable. </p><p>His phone rang again, and he picked up just because he wanted to yell at Cas.<br/>
"I swear to God, Cas. I’m on the verge to snap, so don’t play with me.“</p><p>"I lied,“ Cas admitted after a minute of complete silence.<br/>
"You what?“</p><p>"I know the reasons for our physical and emotional contact. Of course. I’ve felt your yearning for years and I heard it in your prayers and dreams. I simply wasn’t sure you knew the nature of your feelings. You never said anything. When I realized I saw you differently, much differently than I see Sam for example, I was scared at first. And later I was desperate because you looked at me the way you do, and we were close, and yet, you didn’t see me this way. Or so I thought.“ </p><p>Dean thought about all the surprises again, and really, how could he have been so oblivious? </p><p>Cas had tried to tell him he wanted more than their friendship, and Dean still had doubts. No one would do all this stuff if they didn’t want more. And then everything broke out of him, all his thoughts and doubts, and he couldn’t stop himself anymore. </p><p>"Cas, I... I know I’m emotionally constipated, and I’m slow and suppress everything because I’m too afraid. Being angry is my solution for everything. I KNOW that, okay? I know. And you know this part of me, you see through that and I like someone’s not giving up on me. Because I do that on a daily basis. That’s me. But somehow you still stayed all those years, and so I thought with all your gestures and actions and... I thought you knew I....“ </p><p>Dean swallowed for a second. He’d rattled out his words so fast like a waterfall flowing down a rock. </p><p>"But I know I want you. I’ve wanted you for years, but I couldn’t admit it to myself. I really thought you would get how I feel. That I l... how you changed me. We are good together, ya know.“</p><p>"We are. And yes, I noticed. I... You were kinder and sweeter to me than I’ve ever witnessed you before.“ </p><p>Dean laughed at that. "Well, yeah, I had to save that side for the right person, right?“</p><p>As soon as Dean got this words out, he regretted them. He was too emotional right now. A few minutes ago he had been angry, now he was confused and tingly. Really, Dean wasn’t a guy who was able to handle so many emotions.  </p><p>"Dean, we are a couple of dumbasses.“</p><p>"You could say that, but I think it’s appropriate to scratch the "of dumbasses“ if you ask me.“ Well, such clever way of finally calling this thing between them what it was - a relationship. </p><p>Cas laughed lustily, and really, there couldn’t be a simple sound in the world which was more beautiful and satisfying to Dean’s ears. </p><p>"Where are you, Cas?“<br/>
"Not far. I drove for a few hours, because I had to buy some things for Christmas. Then I booked myself a motel room because my energy is very low, but it seems I’m not able to sleep when you’re not with me. I cannot rest this way.“ </p><p>A smile spread on his lips. "Come home, sunshine. We gotta talk in person, you and I. About us.“</p><p>"I’m flying, Dean.“</p><p>Dean laughed out loud. "Oh, you’re such a dork. My adorable dork, though.“</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Take me for a ride to bliss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean has (romantic) surprises for Cas. Dean and Cas go on a ride to one of Dean’s favorite spots.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 11. :) They are so adorable, I can’t- Dean is really trying, okay?</p><p>Next time: The chapter is called “Truth“ – we’ll have Christmas part 1 and more feelings.</p><p>(The chapter title was inspired by the song "Take Me For A Ride" by Holy Oysters. It also fits Dean’s mood and gives strong Destiel vibes, just saying. https://youtu.be/z1Qj4aYaODU)</p><p>Enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was December 23, and Dean was pumped. Today he would surprise Cas, he had everything planned. Dean read the text message from last night for the innumerable time. He would be back. In a few hours, Cas would be back. Dean had prepared something for Cas‘ surprise in the very early morning and was now sitting on the riverbank. </p><p>Depending on how the sun reflected, the water took on different shades of blue and green. It was a fascinating play of colors. However, the special turquoise stood out the most. Dean downright sank into the depths of the water. A few remaining ducks and swans swam through the cool water. Their quacking and the splash of their tails as they moved were the only loud sounds. </p><p>Otherwise, the cold winter wind, the rustling of the leaves, and soft birdsong blended into an idyllic soundscape. How would he feel when he saw him again? He wanted to have The Talk, or a starter, at least, but he wanted to do something good for Cas first. </p><p>Never would he have expected tons of kisses and intimacies to throw him off his game like that. But it was Cas he was thinking about here, the guy had been throwing him for a loop since they met in the barn. </p><p>Nowadays in an entirely different way than at that time. When he closed his eyes and thought about the last weeks, he tasted pure happiness on his tongue again. </p><p>His heart was screaming for more - and his fear wanted to close the gates and stabilize the wall again. He knew that not everything would go perfectly, that they would still get a lot of things wrong, but he also didn’t want to be enveloped by emptiness any longer. Because a world without Cas was not his world - and it was gray and fading. </p><p>Dean wore a thick winter jacket because he knew it would get very chilly at the water, despite the sun. The riverbank was almost deserted, with only an elderly man walking his dog near the river, bending down now and then to pick up a rock. </p><p>The air was clear and gave Dean new energy. He heard a few birds and the sound of purling water, otherwise it was quiet. His lips tasted like winter. </p><p>Ultimately, Dean made his way back to the bunker. At first, he kept himself busy with Christmas preparations for a few hours, but then he was too tensed up. Too excited to see Cas again.</p><p>Sam eyed him strangely when Dean could no longer sit still. Every few seconds he would get up from the chair, move to the next chair, settle down. Then he walked through the hallways and rooms again, stopping in the middle of the room.</p><p>"Dean, you’re making me nervous.“ Sam sat at the map table, poring over an old map of Minnesota. Various demon signs had appeared there, but no one could figure out where the exact locations were. "What’s up?“</p><p>"Cas will be here any minute.“ He hadn’t told Sam, because then Sam would’ve questioned him, probably, would’ve wanted answers to the issues Dean needed to clear up with Cas first. "Oh.“</p><p> "You’re telling me.“ Dean snorted and was in the middle of another monologue why he could screw everything up and was a frigging mess, when he heard a noise. </p><p>The bunker’s door opened, and Cas came down the stairs a few seconds later. He looked exhausted, but he immediately smiled at them.  </p><p>"Cas,“ Dean whispered, and his feelings got the better of him. He went to him in a hurry, stopping right in front of him.</p><p> "You frigging idiot!“ he growled. Then he just grabbed the collar of the trench coat and kissed Cas. He didn’t care Sam saw them, he didn’t care he would become a hopeless romantic soon enough. He only cared for this kiss.  </p><p>"Fucking hate it when you leave.“ He kissed Cas once more, cradling him with his whole body while he was at it. Then he interrupted the kissing for a second, only to swear against his mouth again. "Pisses me off.“ Another kiss, angrier and more passionately now. Teeth and much tongue. "Don’t. Do. This,“ he hissed against Cas‘ mouth. </p><p>Cas smiled then, mumbled, "Dean“ in the softest tone, and Dean almost cancelled his plans for the day to just mess around with Cas for hours. </p><p>After a few more kisses they separated. Sam, standing awkwardly in the background, coughed while pressing his lips together. "Good to have you back, Cas. I mean, those two days felt like an eternity to some people,“ he mumbled and excused himself. </p><p>"Hey Sammy?“ Dean yelled after him.<br/>
Sam swang around and examined him. "Huh?“</p><p>"Cas and I go on a date today,“ Dean informed him whereupon Cas muttered, "We are?“ Sam snickered and wished them a good time. </p><p>"It’s my turn today,“ Dean announced. At Cas‘ confused expression, he added, "Surprising you. I have the whole day planned out. You’ll see.“ </p><p>He raced to his room in a matter of seconds, took the bag and ran back to Cas. The guy still stood there, obviously hadn’t expected this from him. Dean, on the other hand, was fucking thrilled. He loved surprising Cas like this, it delighted him. </p><p>Dean watched Cas up and down. "First, lose the coat and the suit.“ He nodded at him and waited.<br/>
Cas‘ eyes widened, before he gulped. "I don’t understand. Dean, what do you-“</p><p>"Dude." Dean shook his head in disbelief, smirking to himself. "I’m not gonna fuck you right here, against the damn table, two minutes after you’ve arrived. This is not how I’m gonna do this making-our-relationship-official-thing with you. After one decade.“ Word by word his voice had gotten raspier. </p><p>"The idea is tempting, of course, but um, first things first.“ He felt flustered now, thinking all too much about Cas being naked, underneath him. He clicked his tongue, rummaged the bag.</p><p>"Here, we’re gonna walk a lot today. I know you have the walking shoes, but these boots are better in winter. They are lined and all.“ He handed Cas the spare pair of his favorite winter boots, clearing his throat again. </p><p>Cas was still motionless, really not prepared for this. "I ain’t kidding. Take the clothes off, Cas.“ At the same time he gave Cas a new pair of trousers (dark gray) and a thick jacket.</p><p>"Dean, you don’t have to give me your clothes, you know that I technically do not freeze.“</p><p>Dean’s face reddened, and suddenly he felt hot as if he was standing in front of a bonfire. "Pal, those aren’t mine. I bought them for you the other day.“ He coughed, fiddling with the bag again.</p><p>Again, he asked himself why Cas made him feel so nervous all the time. It shouldn’t be an unusual thing, right? Buying clothes for one’s boyfriend. Dean’s pulse quickened at the term. This was them now, two guys being boyfriends. He was in an actual relationship. Holy shit. </p><p>Finally, Cas followed his bidding. Although he’d seen Cas without most of his clothes before, Dean blushed and looked away.</p><p>After Cas had announced he was clothed now, Dean turned his head. Yeah, clothed was a bit exaggerated. His upper body was still naked, and this wasn’t the kind of thing Dean could unsee. He looked so devastatingly handsome. </p><p>Quickly, Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas, swallowing hard and rubbing his arm. "Looking good, Cas,“ he commented. "Now, um, I found this one in a small shop. The owner assured me it’s totally "in vogue" these days whatever that’s supposed to mean. I just thought it looked cozy and warm.“ Cas smiled now, barely noticeble, but sweetly and happily. </p><p>Dean threw the cashmere pullover towards Cas who caught it without effort. </p><p>As expected the chocolate brown looked lovely on Cas, and Dean couldn’t surpress his excitement. "God, you look fantastic,“ he burst out, and embraced him the next second, pulling him closer by his hips. </p><p>Cas observed him with a serious expression. "Dean, I’m getting the impression you bought me this pullover because you’re gravitated towards the thought of me wearing this somehow.“ </p><p>Dean yelled a vehement "No!“ and made a dismissive hand movement. He giggled a little because the pullover really was made for Cas. Maybe he needed more of those cozy pullovers. </p><p>Dean caressed Cas‘ back, enjoying the soft fabric. Automatically, his fingers wandered under the piece of clothing, exploring Cas‘ smooth skin. There was a chance he was attracted to Cas‘ new appearance. He looked so winterish and kissable – Dean’s body prickled.</p><p>"Jumped right out of the fashion magazine, didn’t ya?“ Dean asked huskily. </p><p>"I wasn’t in a magazine. I was simply in my car, I told you that. Another angel might be able to put me into this "fashion magazine" setting – like Gabriel did for instance. But I assure you, that was not the case this morning. I would have told you about such an experience immediately. You have to believe...“ </p><p>Dean kissed him, shutting up his adorable monologue. Fuck, he loved Cas so much, all his remarks and the movements and everything. </p><p>He nibbled at Cas‘ neck, kissing his way along his ears, gently putting his earlobe between his lips, tugging at it, until he searched his mouth again. He sucked his bottom lip softly, kissed the corners of Cas‘ mouth then. </p><p>"Missed ya, dumbass,“ he muttered and couldn’t stop the kissing and touching anymore. Screw the trip, he thought, but still stopped himself after another minute or so. </p><p>"Thank you by the way,“ Cas said, breathing hard. "I like the clothes. You’re very caring.“ He winked, and really, Cas had to do this on purpose. </p><p>"You’re welcome,“ Dean replied, feeling way too giddy for a serious conversation.<br/>
"Dammit, almost forgot. I got you the best scarf ever, man. And don’t tell me you don’t need one. This one you gotta wear.“ </p><p>The scarf was Dean’s comeback for the Christmas hat. Furthermore, it would also look awesome on Cas, he was certain of it. It was black with numerous white and blue snowflakes and little stars. In the middle was the lettering "Angel in disguise". </p><p>Cas didn’t react weirdly or angrily, instead, he laughed out loud. "This is so amusing." He laughed while further inspecting the scarf, and really, Dean couldn’t believe he deserved this guy. </p><p>"I figure you like it?" he asked cheekily. Cas nodded and widened his eyes as soon as Dean wrapped the scarf around Cas‘ neck. Dean tugged at the fabric for a while, never losing eye contact. Although Cas was in a good mood, Dean wanted to even make it better. So, he fetched the Christmas hat, put it on sighingly - and finally grinned at Cas.<br/>
“'Since when does a hat have a mind of its own?', am I right?” He tapped his head like a sailor would do, and gave Cas a crooked smile. "We’re all set.“ </p><p>In a quiet moment Cas also handed him his surprise of the day: A frigging awesome limited edition of Dr. Sexy, MD with behind the scenes material and deleted scenes, plus the DVD came with Dr. Sexy’s stethoscope. Dean squealed and smooched Cas another time.</p><p> </p><p>After they’d arrived at the destination, they walked to the path, which was steep, but provided an otherwise good path to the top of the rock. As they walked, Dean kept looking at Cas, who looked so good in his new clothes. Now, he looked like he belonged in nature. </p><p>Finally, they made it and heaved themselves up the rock, panting. Still out of breath, they rolled onto their backs and stared up at the sky. Apart from the chirping of a few birds, nothing could be heard. The fresh air rushed through Dean, reminding him of the feeling of sticking his head out just after a light rain and instantly taking in the pure, clear air.</p><p>Cas put his arm around Dean, and Dean sank into the touch because he was just so captivated by what was presented in front of his eyes.</p><p>At some point Dean woke up from his trance and walked a few steps further to see what else there was to see. He spotted some flowers and thought it was beautiful to find something so alive in such a place, which was actually so bare and desolate.</p><p>In the direction from which they had come, Dean saw many tall trees and deep green bushes. But as soon as he looked further east, he saw a completely different picture. Mountains lined up one after the other, the largest ones had snowy tops.</p><p>Some mountains were completely bare, others housed small, narrow and large, wide bushes which obviously carried berries in summer. </p><p>Dean remained speechless for several minutes. At this point, he was too fascinated by the contrast of the mountains with the valleys that had formed over the centuries. He wondered how far down it went. </p><p>"Lemme take a picture, okay? Wanna preserve all the good memories.“ Dean raised his cell phone in the air, and at that moment he cared precious little that he was about to take a damn selfie. </p><p>He checked the result and laughed. Dean’s eyes were directed in the distance, sparkling, and Cas’s head was cocked to the side, his expression as confused as ever. "That’s a lovely picture,“ Cas commented. "We appear natural, lost in the moment.“ Dean smiled at that, could never have deleted that picture anyway.</p><p>"Let’s- take another one. I got an idea,“ he mumbled. "This time, you gotta smile, though, Cas. Think about your happiest state, all right?“<br/>
"I will think about being with you, then,“ Cas replied seriously. </p><p>Once again, Dean’s breath caught in his throat because he wasn’t used to hearing so many nice, wonderful things. Cas said these things just like that, and he meant them, and Dean was really a damn lucky man. He was still getting used to enjoying the positive moments and accepting this new state of existence. The fact that the world had more in store for him than just going after the job. </p><p>"Okay, I’m gonna count to three, and you yell "Cheese!“ then.“</p><p>"I don’t understand, Dean. Why would I scream about a dairy product in the middle of nature?“ And this remark was so Cas-like again Dean had to pause the photo session for a tender kiss. </p><p>"You’re the most adorable being in existence, that’s for sure.“ He smiled at Cas, telling him to wait for his signal. </p><p>Dean raised the cell phone another time, counted to three, and kissed Cas on the cheek as he pulled the button. Then he put his free hand to Cas‘ cheek, smiled, and kissed him directly on the mouth, taking another picture. </p><p>And he knew it was great to save the moment on a photo, but it would never reach the picture’s level of wholesomeness which his heart preserved from now on. </p><p>After that, the real surprise was on. At least the temperatures were mild again, even if the wind whipped very cold around his ears. Snow was announced for the Christmas days, but luckily not for this day. If it had snowed or frozen today, they could have forgotten the complete trip. This route was still completely unproblematic, because he already knew the way inside out. The place he wanted to show Cas he had found by chance a few months ago. </p><p>During the summer he had investigated clues to a werewolf, but they had quickly turned out to be a dead end. Finally, the sun and the hot temperatures had made him adventurous. That’s why today they passed the huge rock straight on and followed their GPS device. </p><p>They had to comb through many bushes, Dean’s jacket tore at the right sleeve and once he slipped in the mud. Still, these obstacles didn’t stop them from heading for the huge rock. After about half an hour of defying nature, he was finally able to see the rock more clearly. On the left side of the rock, he saw the waterfall, and he became more excited. </p><p>Hopefully Cas would like the surprise. In front of the rock was a huge baffle zone where the water flowing down formed a small lake. "Just- just follow me, Cas. It will be worth the struggles, I promise,“ he muttered.</p><p>"I trust you, Dean. And I like this trip, I am on another adventure with you. There couldn’t be anything better,“ Cas said, and Dean laughed. He turned around, grinned at Cas and pulled him in for a kiss. "Ditto, sunshine.“</p><p>He walked around the outside of the impact zone, looking for the small stone steps that must have formed over the years. Carefully, they climbed up until they arrived at the head zone. The air was cold, a fresh wind made his ears ache. </p><p>He fell on his knees once, hence, there were two large holes in his pants. He approached the small ledge that hid a passage. The passage was tiny and just big enough to crawl through. At the other end, his eyes immediately fell on a small valley. A short distance to their left was the narrow passage that led to another rock. He took Cas’s hand, and they walked on. </p><p>They followed a tunnel on the right side, which led further and deeper into the cave. Again, he marked the corresponding wall for safety. Dean led them to the left. They still neglected the right passage that led upward. The tunnel through which they now ran was considerably darker than the large central passage and was, as it were, narrower. The corridor ultimately led to the huge room he had wanted to get to. </p><p>It was an incredible, stunning sight. From all sides it shone and sparkled. The walls twinkled. In addition, the cave had stones in a wide variety of colors. It was an almost magical play of colors and lights.</p><p>He heard Cas‘ whoop of joy, and Dean knew he had done a damn good thing here. </p><p>"Dean, this is— When did you have the time to...? Since when are you so—?“<br/>
"Romantic?“ Dean interrupted him, grinning cheekily. "Oh Cas, you’re getting all the good stuff. You’re my boyfriend now, remember?“ Every time he spoke the word out loud, he turned more euphoric. </p><p>Dean laughed at Cas, feeling his heart overflow with happiness. That he was able to render Cas speechless, to make him so confused that he could only speak in a choppy manner, stunned him and made him happy. </p><p>Cas was an angel, dammit, and yet he rejoiced in the lights as a normal person would. And yes, he had really reached deep into the kitsch collection here, but this was meant for Cas alone, and he would appreciate a little tenderness. </p><p>On the floor there were dozens of fairy lights in different colors. Mostly classic, but yeah, also green and blue, because there was no way Dean wouldn’t go all in now. He’d displayed the fairy lights in different patterns, leaving no space in the cave’s room. Furthermore, small lanterns were in proximity and illuminated the room. </p><p>In the middle he’d put tons of blankets and cushions. Besides, there was the sappiest thing he’d ever done in his life, and he had to make Cas swear to never tell Sam. His brother would never shut up about it, and Dean couldn’t bear this level of annoyance. Out of lametta Dean had constructed a very clumsy, yet definable heart. </p><p>There was also one cushion which was bigger than all others. At first, Dean hadn’t want to bring it here because even his bigger backpack almost hadn’t showed the right size for it. But all the effort and aching had lead to the expression on Cas‘ face. </p><p>He was in awe, remained speechless. Silently, he walked through the cave, examining every aspect. Then he looked at Dean again and smiled like he – Dean – was the only light left on earth. And Dean almost cried because this sight made him so happy. They sat on the blanket after that, always kissing and smiling and kissing.</p><p>"I want you to know that I’m serious about us. I—“ Dean cleared his throat again and clicked his tongue softly. "Man, I really suck at this,“ he cursed. Cas was the person he imagined his "ever after" with, and this was frigging terrifying.</p><p>"I— I don’t own much of value. It’s the hunting life, ya know. And I don’t care because I don’t need fancy stuff, the basics make me contented. Good food, cozy furniture, a good TV show. Kissing the most incredible person existing on earth and in heaven. Still, I... have to make this right. And I thought it would be one part of your Christmas present, but then it maybe distract from the other thing and—“ </p><p>As Cas patted his forearm tenderly, Dean took a deep breath. "I want you to have something. So you have a part of me with you always.“ His voice trailed off, and he didn’t even know what to say anymore. </p><p>He reached for his jacket pocket, pulling the tiny leather bag out. He handed it to Cas who seemed excited. "What is this, Dean?“</p><p>"Have a look,“ Dean said, feeling so nervous he shortly thought about running out of the cave again. </p><p>"Dean, that’s—,“ Cas breathed.</p><p>"My spare car key for Baby, yes.“ Dean averted his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. </p><p>"I don’t know what to say,“ Cas admitted after a minute. Dean looked up again, seeing tears in Cas‘ eyes. </p><p>Cas knew what Baby meant to him, that even the times Sammy drove the car were seldom and out of necessity. </p><p>"I thought... when you want to go for a ride, and you want to make it a cool experience for a change, you simply take her, ya know. You don’t have to ask me, of course. Driving her is one of the best feelings I know, and I thought you would like it, too. I mean, maybe you invite me to come with you, on occasion, but this gift is really just so you can get to know the feeling and enjoy the ride. It’s the only thing I can give that—“ Cas kissed him then, throwing himself onto Dean so urgently that some lanterns fell over. </p><p>"Thank you,“ Cas mumbled with a gravelly voice, and kissed Dean senseless after. </p><p>They parted after a few minutes, and Cas smiled at him.<br/>
"Just— no scratches or dents, otherwise I’ll chase you to Mexico.“</p><p>Cas squinted his eyes. "Dean, you told me Baby is the most valuable thing you own. Why would I harm her?“ The moment Cas referred to Baby as "her“ and personified her like Dean always did was too much for him. It was all too overwhelming. </p><p>Dean was so full of serotonin, he thought he had to burst. He had to be dreaming. Maybe a djinn had taken him, giving him all he ever wanted in his mind only. But no, the last time Dean had checked he was himself. This moment was actually real. </p><p>Cas smiled at him and traced the contours of his lips with his fingertips. Dean’s heart beat raced. Each of Cas‘ touches made him go crazy, created feelings of happiness in him. Dean took Cas‘ hands, stroking them tenderly for a while. He felt Cas‘ warm breath on his skin, tickling and exhilarating. When Dean started talking again, his throat felt sore. </p><p>"Yeah, she’s my most valuable possession, that’s right. The biggest treasure in my life are you though.“</p><p>Their mouths met feverishly. Soon, they kissed each other stormily, making out in the middle of the blankets, cushions and fairy lights. And Dean thought that being romantic from time to time wasn’t all bad.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam, Dean and Cas enjoy a peaceful Christmas Eve with movies, snow and a dinner. On the verge to December 25 essential truths are given. Cas confesses his love to Dean.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here comes part 12. :) Writing this chapter made me very emotional. The rollercoaster which is their love, I gotta tell you... </p><p>Enjoy and let me know what you think! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning arrived and suddenly it was December 24, Christmas Eve. Dean had woken up early, at 6 o’clock, but maybe that was the excitement about the Christmas days. </p><p>After a short breakfast Dean and Cas were lying on the sofa in the TV room, watching Christmas movies. Dean made them cocoa with whipped cream and waffles, and although Cas said he could only taste something "every third bite“ and "every five sips,“ it pleased Dean a lot. </p><p>It was still early, not even half past 10, and Dean enjoyed being able to savor the familiar silence of the bunker with Cas for a change. </p><p>At midday, they laid on the sofa as ever because nobody could command them to do otherwise. Their body parts were so entangled Dean didn’t know where his and where Cas‘ body was anymore. Cas was particularly cuddly on this day, always kissing and stroking Dean, while watching his eyes and face intensely. </p><p>As Dean asked him what was so interesting to see there, Cas simply mouthed, "Everything“. He didn’t stop the staring, and honestly, Dean wouldn’t want to have it any other way. </p><p>Cas smiled at him a few minutes later. "I am also counting your freckles. They are adorable. Also, they illustrate your goofy and playful character traits perfectly. I like remembering every single freckle and the patterns they form.“ </p><p>At that comment Dean laughed and blushed because nobody had ever made such a cute statement about his physical appearance. Sure, people had told him he looked handsome and sexy, praising his body parts. But never like this. And he felt so much at this moment, he embraced Cas tightly, hence he wouldn’t see the tears. </p><p>Later, Cas remarked that he’d like to watch "Love Actually“ because he had read in an article how beautifully the pre-Christmas season and interpersonal relationships were portrayed in the movie. For the umpteenth time, Dean wondered where Cas always found these articles, and more importantly, what he was searching for to come across such results in the first place. </p><p>On the surface, he complained loudly that he certainly wouldn’t watch such a schmaltzy movie, while inwardly he rejoiced. He didn’t like romcoms per se, but of course he knew that "Love Actually“ was almost a Christmas classic by now. They asked Sam if he wanted to watch with them, and so that afternoon the three of them sat or laid in the TV room. On the table were plates of Christmas cookies, pie and candy canes. </p><p>"I’m warning you, guys, if you start crying, I’m gonna run to my room and watch Die Hard.“ Cas poked him in the side indignantly. "Dean, Christmas Eve is for family time, you told me that. So shut your cake hole and lift your arm, I want to hold you.“</p><p>Dean moved, not without being scandalized at Cas‘ words in the meantime.<br/>
"Just because you are so kissable and adorable doesn’t mean I’ll agree with everything you say or do, ya know,“ he muttered. </p><p>Nonetheless, he bolted upright a bit, kissed Cas‘ temple and finally started the movie. Cas chuckled, enclosing Dean’s thighs with his very possessively. </p><p>"I am aware. Our discussions are rather enthralling if I might say so. Plus, I can always try to change your mind - if you get my hint.“</p><p>"Oh you change my mind, that it? I remember the other day when you were explaining to me why Hell Hazers is illogical and stupid – and I kissed you until-“<br/>
"I kissed you before that, you didn’t even watch the second half because you were so eager to return the kissing and show me the-“</p><p>"You guys, I’m sitting right next to you. Less snogging, more watching for now. Please!“ Sam yelled, but he laughed after that. Dean glanced at him and wiggled his eyebrows.</p><p>"Oh Sammy, don’t get your knickers in a twist. You love seeing us happy, don’t ya?“<br/>
"Sure, I’m thrilled, you know that. Just- we talked about this. A bit of consideration.“ </p><p>Dean shrugged. "I can’t help it. Kissing Cas is my new favorite weapon, gotta practice my skills and the handling.“ With that he leaned to Cas and kissed him urgently. Cas smiled against his lips which caused Sammy to groan on his leather armchair. </p><p>It turned out that even with a love story, Cas could not or would not turn off his natural curiosity, his urge to question and understand things. First, he wanted to know why the British Prime Minister was so quick to neglect his duties. Cas said he was inclined to understand that the Prime Minister obviously found the young woman very attractive and fascinating, but the politicians he had observed were so different. </p><p>Shortly thereafter, however, Cas declared that he was very fond of David - as he now called him. When Hugh Grant danced to "Jump (For My Love)“ in the movie, Cas swayed to and fro. </p><p>Holy shit, Dean loved that dork, he loved him. Cas hummed along to the Christmas songs, and Dean sometimes found it so much more interesting to witness Cas‘ reactions than to follow the movie. </p><p>And in the end, Dean was the one who got tears in his eyes several times. All the scenes of the writer and his housekeeper touched him a lot because their story was so pure, the scene with the signs made him gulp, and then at the end of the film he couldn’t hold on anymore. He sniffled furiously until at some point he stopped trying to control himself. </p><p>Sam made a sound that resembled a mixture of indignation and astonishment.<br/>
"Seriously? You always make fun of me, and now you’re crying like a baby. You’re unbelievable,“ Sam commented while Cas kissed Dean’s tears away. </p><p>The weather forecast had been correct since the streets were actually covered in snow by 4 pm. For the moment the snow blanket was still unharmed, no footprints, no tire tracks, no mud which destroyed the winter wonderland. </p><p>They all went for a quick walk outside, and Dean delved into the feeling of the snow caving under his feet while holding Cas‘ hand. </p><p>They both wore the warm winter boots – and Dean definitely didn’t smile at the thought of them wearing the same model, clearly visible for everybody. The snow scrunched with every step. </p><p>More snowflakes were falling down by the minute, quickly covering Dean’s clothes with little crystals. He caught the snow with his tongue. It tasted clean and fresh and like a new beginning. </p><p>Of course, they fell into the obligatory snowball war, throwing the snow at each other without aiming and warning. They stood in the middle of the road, had not even taken precautions in hiding somewhere. Instead, they ran around like crazy people, yelling and probably disturbing the neighborhood, and they formed and threw the snow balls with lightning speed. </p><p>In the evening, Dean cooked for them. He’d settled on an awesome menu –  a winter salad, prime rib au jus with rosemary-garlic fried potatoes and for dessert an eggnog crème brûlée. </p><p>After dinner, they sat in front of the Christmas tree, telling each other anecdotes. Although Cas had mentioned often enough that his time as heaven’s soldier hadn’t been that much "fun“, he knew a lot of stories which made Dean smile. </p><p>Dean, on the other hand, told all classic Sam incidents where he had behaved so clumsily one could fill one of those disaster shows with it. Other than that they shared memories, reflected on their own adventures together. It was the best Christmas Eve Dean had experienced his whole life. </p><p>After midnight, it was now December 25, Dean and Cas went to Cas‘ car, finally getting the rest of the things he had taken with him out of the trunk, and returned them to Cas‘ room. </p><p>As Cas was stowing the things, Dean discovered a remnant of his angry outburst from two days ago. The empty vial. And suddenly he had a flash of inspiration, he knew why he had been so bothered by it. He thought of Metatron, of his stupid spell that had caused all the angels to fall. He remembered Cas, who had later recharged his grace.  </p><p>Dean waved the empty vial under Cas’s nose. "So what? You’re trying to get more angelic again, is that it? You wanna go back to heaven and need more grace? Cas, I don’t even know what to say. I- This is whole new level of fucked up.“ He threw the vial onto the bed because he couldn’t bear holding it anymore. </p><p>Dean sniffled, clenching his fists because every fiber of his body was shaking. He trembled with rage, wanted to scream and felt the urge to ice some monster on a hunt. </p><p>Dean had to get out of here. Cas had never intended to stay here. To stay with him. Because Dean was poison. He was too broken and messed up. Cas had been looking for a way to remove his flaws, his more human, sentient traits. The situation was simply too much for Dean.</p><p>"Dean, you’re an idiot, such an idiot. Shut the fuck up,“ Cas hissed and pushed Dean against the wall. The collision was hard and painful but did not nearly reach the pain in his heart. </p><p>"HOW can you say this after everything? You’re pushing me away again because you’re afraid. You’re scared because you never felt this vulnerable. But emotions don’t work this way.“ Cas let out a frustrated groan. </p><p>Cas looked at him angrily, so angrily and- desperately? Cas took a few steps back, and Dean stood there, not understanding anything. Dean felt like he was missing an essential piece of the puzzle to understand what the hell was going on. </p><p>"Stop it with your nonsense. You told me you were happy.“ Dean wanted to scream that he was happy, until Cas had showed signs to abandon him again. </p><p>"I can’t see you like this Dean. So hurt. Why isn’t this working?“ Cas muttered to himself. He tilted his head in confusion.</p><p>Working? What the hell was he talking about? Dean felt desperate and angry and lost, and then everything just broke out of him.</p><p>"Cas, I- I get it, okay? I’m human and you are an angel. That obviously ain’t normal. I- I saw your face when we saw that old couple on the highway. And I fucking know I’m already kinda old by human standards.“ He swallowed, continued talking immediately after. </p><p>"I’m getting 40 soon enough. But what? It’s not like I will be wrinkled and fragile in several months. Can’t we just- I don’t know? Enjoy the time we have until then? We already lost so many years, and I can’t bear this anymore. I fucking can’t. Even if it means you leave me in 10 or 20 years. I mean, I want you. And I’ll be good to you. For as long as you’ll have me. Dammit, Cas, I know I’m a disaster, but don’t make me beg,“ he huffed and flared his nostrils. </p><p>Dean’s lips trembled uncontrollably. "I’m feeling pathetic.“ Tears welled up in his eyes now, because he was finally admitting one of his biggest fears. Soon enough, he couldn’t see anymore, his fucking eyes burned. It wasn’t fair, this wasn’t the way Christmas was supposed to go. </p><p>Every part of him ached, and Dean didn’t know where to look, didn’t know how to breathe. Didn’t know how to exist in this room. He didn’t know how to endure the pain of maybe losing Cas once and for all. </p><p>Cas approached him and pulled him closer at his collar. Then Cas looked daggers at him like he used to in the past. His eyes expressed power and harshness, and captivated Dean, until they finally softened. </p><p>There was so much Dean saw there. So many emotions. So many words he wanted to decipher. In a matter of seconds his mind provided him with all the moments when they’d been looking at each other like that. All the gentle, lingering touches. All the smiles. All the feelings. Cas growled, moistened his lips.   </p><p>"I was looking for a spell, a spell that would age me physically. And you know what I found out? After consulting quite a few experts over the last few weeks- months? After I had talked to so many witches and strange creatures that I had become completely haggard?" He yelled now, looking simultaneously radiant and frightening. </p><p>"I learned I don’t need a spell at all, because I’ve been on Earth for so long, lived with humans for so long, adapting to them - to you - that despite my angelic form, I’m very much human now. You are the reason, Dean.“ Dean gulped, remained dazzled by Cas‘ gaze. </p><p>"You might wear your self-destruction and self-doubts like a skin, but you are also so brave and caring and true. And you gift me direction and belonging in this overwhelming thing which is called life on earth. You might label yourself broken, but you heal my own forlornness every day. I regret many decisions I made, but I would choose falling, being with you, again and again. As a symbol for this I wanted to give you a tiny part of my grace for Christmas and confess all this to you. However, the time when I do so, doesn’t matter actually. And in a narrow sense it’s Christmas, now.“</p><p>Cas paused and smiled slightly, taking one deep breath. "I love you, Dean. I’m falling in love with you more and more every single day.“ </p><p>Startled, Dean looked down at the vial he had just so carelessly flung onto the bed.<br/>
Damn. He was the biggest idiot of all time. Why did he always have to be an ass when he was insecure? </p><p>Fuck, fuck, fuck. Cas loved him. He didn’t just have any romantic feelings for him. He LOVED him. His angel loved him, Dean Winchester. His heart was beating up to his neck. He had his tongue tied in a knot. He had to reply, had to say something. </p><p>"Cas, you’re right. I’m an idiot. I’m so, so sorry. I was so scared you’d leave me again, go back to heaven.“</p><p>"I am not, Dean. You HAVE to believe me. This is my home now, the bunker. You.“ And this was everything.</p><p>The dam had broken, and a huge wave shot out uncontrollably. Furiously and hungrily, Dean’s lips moved against Cas. He felt teeth. It was as if their tongues were now fighting out what their loose mouths had so often started. Gasping, Dean broke away from him again. Dean tasted blood, his lips tingled. "Cas, you’re driving me crazy,“ he growled. Now his voice was just a murmur. </p><p>Cas looked directly at him, his blue eyes blazing. Before he could change his mind, he kissed Cas again. Dean put his arms around Cas‘ neck and moved his lips heatedly on his. The kiss slowed, softened. Cas‘ lips were so smooth, tasted so good. Cas, finally he tasted Cas again.</p><p>His mind was shut off, he just wanted to feel. Dean rammed his body into him and a gasp escaped him. Demandingly, Dean’s tongue sought his, and Cas kissed him with full passion. The kiss was a decade of hidden longing and years of suppressing their attraction. </p><p>"Cas,“ he breathed again and again into Cas‘ mouth. His body was tingling, from the top of his head to his toes. Then he felt Cas’s hands under his shirt, and suddenly he was naked from the waist up. His fingertips caressed his belly, continued upward, and then ran over his back. Dean moaned and leaned toward him, pushing him towards the bed where they continued the kissing. </p><p>Only after what seemed like an eternity they disengaged. Cas face was flushed, his lips swollen. Dean would never be able to kiss anyone else again, that much was certain. </p><p>"Holy shit, hurry up,“ Dean murmured between kisses. Cas didn’t take two words for that. Astride him, Cas sat down, and Dean swallowed. </p><p>"God, you’re hot,“ was all Dean could manage to get out before he claimed Cas‘ mouth again. Then he released the kiss, stroking reverently through Cas‘ hair. Grinning, Dean reached forward, guiding his hands down Cas‘ upper body. </p><p>A few seconds later, he carelessly tossed Cas‘ shirt aside as well, causing Cas to shift on his lap. Then Cas was suddenly lying between his legs, spreading kisses on his naked torso. Dean’s nipples hardened immediately. Then he kissed his way down Dean’s neck, whereupon Dean could only sigh in pleasure. </p><p>Next, he turned his attention to his belly, extensively caressing every spot up to his girdle. As he added his tongue, Dean moaned beneath him. Cas growled, noticeably enjoying the fact that he was responsible for those sounds. He blew a strand out of his forehead, looked to Dean, silently seeking his approval. </p><p>"Please,“ Dean breathed, which was enough of an answer for him. Restlessly Dean moved under him while Cas agonizingly slowly undid Dean’s belt buckle. He was getting hotter and hotter and could barely contain himself. </p><p>By now, Dean was in a kind of trance, unable to do anything except surrender to Cas‘ touch. Carefully but firmly Cas pulled down his pants, whistling appreciatively at the sight of his legs. And that simple sound turned Dean on so much it made him dizzy. Cas desired him. Him. </p><p>Cas‘ fingertips touched the insides of his thighs, and Dean found it far too sexy how Cas explored his bare skin. Again Cas granted him sweet torture by additionally using his tongue. Lower, lower his head traveled until it stopped in front of his lap. Although Cas did nothing but look at him, an unprecedented fire blazed inside Dean. </p><p>Impatiently, Dean put his hand over Cas‘, pressing it down until Cas felt how hard he already was. Now, it was Cas’s turn to moan, and he removed Dean’s boxers in no time. </p><p>And Dean, he couldn’t take it anymore, he had to feel him even closer. He rolled impatiently onto Cas, kissing and kissing him, and oh God, he wanted, desired him so much. He loved him. He removed Cas‘ remaining clothes until he was naked. </p><p>All he cared about was the incomparable feel of Cas‘ bare skin against his. Cas‘ chest alone, rising and falling rapidly, and his lust-filled eyes aroused him immensely.<br/>
Completely naked, Cas laid beneath him. He eyed Dean closely and growled, biting his lips. </p><p>"Damn,“ Dean muttered, bending over Cas again. Then Dean used his tongue, employed it to kiss every part of Cas‘ body. He worshiped him like he’d always wanted to. Cas in turn took care of him, driving Dean’s arousal to the extreme. </p><p>Soon, Cas pressed his lips together, trying in vain to contain his moans. "Mmm.“ Dean laughed and briefly nudged Cas‘ nose with his. </p><p>"Don’t hold yourself back, sunshine. I wanna hear you. Louder than at your first angelic hello back then.“ He grinned dirtily at Cas - and yeah, one could definitely hear them. They only got to third base, but they didn’t have to rush things. They had time.  </p><p>After, they laid in bed, entangled again, and finally Dean felt at peace. He didn’t need to fear anymore. Cas loved him. And he loved Cas. </p><p>"Hey Cas?“ he whispered while starting to caress Cas‘ body again. Dean draw little circles onto Cas‘ very naked skin.</p><p>"Dean, it’s hard to concentrate on the conversation when you are trying to arouse me again.“ Dean laughed and pulled Cas into a tight, yet tender embrace, never wanting to let him go. </p><p>"Thank you. It doesn’t matter I know the nature of your gift now, it’s really the best, most fantastic gift in the whole universe.“ He sniffed, started crying again.</p><p>"I hope you understand why I couldn’t tell you about my missions,“ Cas mumbled, and Dean could hear his smile.</p><p>Dean laughed quietly. "Yeah.“ Dean let out a long sigh and rolled onto Cas, looking deep into his stunning eyes. </p><p>"Cas, you know this gesture means everything to me, right? And I’m sorry for being stupid. It’s- there is nothing more beautiful. I- I’m speechless. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Really.“ He kissed every part of Cas‘ skin, whispering "my angel“ all the time.</p><p>"You taught me this, Dean,“ Cas replied after a few minutes. "Emotions. It was you. I never felt this kind of love for anyone else and this will certainly not change in the future. You are the most beautiful human I will ever know. Inside and out.“ </p><p>Dean’s heartbeat accelerated. He really could have this. He could be with Cas. He could be happy. He could be complete.</p><p>"Oh Cas,“ he whispered, ugly crying now. </p><p>Then he kissed Cas and put all his love and passion into the kiss. With his lips he tonelessly told Cas "I love you“ over and over – the rehearsal, before he would finally say it out loud. </p><p>Later that night, Dean spooned Cas, breathing sweet things into his neck. His ears. His hair. His neck again. With every word Cas pulled him closer, ever closer, and sighed happily. Dean pressed his face between Cas‘ shoulder blades, and felt so secure. Calm. </p><p>"Cas?“ Dean broke the silence again. His voice was quiet, barely audible. Vulnerable.<br/>
"You know- You didn’t have to get me anything for Christmas. Nothing at all. And the surprises this month, they were great, hell, more than great. But you being here with me? That’s the only thing I need. It’s the only damn thing I want for myself in this world.“ </p><p>He kissed Cas‘ neck, stroked every part of his arms as if he wanted to make sure his touches created a protection for Cas. </p><p>"All I want for Christmas and beyond is you, Cas.“</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next time, there’ll be Christmas presents and well – tooth-rotting fluff. And yes, Dean will also say "I love you" of course. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Christmas is the celebration of love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It’s Christmas Day, and the boys exchange gifts. Dean finally says "I love you“ to Cas.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Since I have to wrap Christmas presents later and I don’t know when I’ll be online today, I decided to post this part a bit earlier than planned. *looks at the clock* Well, it’s Christmas Eve in my country now, anyway. ;) </p><p>Here comes part 13. :) This chapter was probably one of the cheesiest things I’ve ever written, but I have ZERO regrets. </p><p>Enjoy and happy holidays! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christmas Day announced itself like a strange visitor, long and joyfully awaited, who when arriving finally turned out to be an old friend. Dean was incredibly excited, so much so that he felt sick. On the other hand, he had the assurance that he had nothing to fear today. Of course, his own fear always got in the way, but he would do this - for Cas. Tell him that he loved him. They spent a wonderful day playing board games and listening to Christmas music.</p><p>Then it was time for the gifts. </p><p>"I’ll go first,“ Sammy announced and scratched his back. He had the biggest smile on his face, and after everything, after all the things Sam had endured in the past - their harsh father, demon blood, Lucifer, the cage, being soulless and all the other shit - Dean’s heart was full of pride, contentment and relief. </p><p>His brother was safe for the moment, he did an amazing job as a hunter, he was becoming a true leader. He remembered Sam as a baby, all the times he looked after him as a kid, himself being overprotective as an adult. And now it was time to learn to let Sam do the things like he thought was right - although Dean would never not look after his little brother. </p><p>After a few seconds Sam came back with a bag, smiling at both of them. He stood in front of Cas, and Cas rose immediately. "Cas, I want you to know you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. And I’m so happy you’re- well my brother’s boyfriend now. It’s all I could have wished for, seeing Dean so happy. Now he has someone who looks out for him. Thank you. For everything.“ </p><p>Sam pulled Cas in one of his bear hugs, mumbling "Thank you“ over and over. Dean gulped and was touched by this scene. Sam handed over three presents to Cas. Cas unwrapped the first gift and laughed out loud. It was a shotgun like the ones they used for ghosts. A fancy shotgun, Dean realized. </p><p>"I think you really are a hunter in training now, aren’t you?“ Sam asked. And then Cas let out a little crow. "Sam,“ he mumbled, laid down the shotgun for a moment and pulled him in for another hug. Dean caught a glimpse, and spotted the engraving. Angel wings and the two letters, "CW“.<br/>
"You’re family, man.“ </p><p>Dean had to look away, because he felt so frigging much. But this wasn’t about him, this was about Sam and Cas. </p><p>The next present was an old book with forgotten mysteries of the world. It was thick, certainly contained more than 1000 pages. The book cover was out of leather, and it had golden ornaments. "Thank you, Sam. You’re so kind,“ Cas said, and unwrapped the last present. </p><p>"It’s a photo album,“ Sam explained while Cas leaved through the book. "I put all the pictures of us in there I could find. Also some landscape stuff since you’re so fond of it. And there are pages left. For new memories.“ Cas looked at Sam for a long time and put an arm on his shoulder. </p><p>Dean, still sitting at the table, felt like an intruder, but he was also so happy. After that, Sam came to him, smiling. </p><p>"I wanted to buy you something for the hunts at first. You’re always so practical, and Cas was already out there, fulfilling all your interests and nerdy stuff.“ He guffawed. "So I was thinking. The thing I really want to give you is time.“ He cleared his throat, handing Dean a small envelope. Valuable paper, thick. </p><p>Dean opened it, and inhaled sharply. "You’ve never been at the beach, and you deserve a real vacation. Next summer. So I guess, we have to make sure to save the world until then.“ It was a booking, an actual vacation by the sea. "You should take Cas with you, of course.“ The gift was perfect, and Dean’s hands were trembling with joy.  </p><p>Cas gave Sam a blender and recipes for smoothies. Sam grinned all over his face. When Sam unwrapped the second gift, he swallowed hard. It was a large drawing of the three of them, with the small marking "Team Free Will“ in the lower right corner. "Thanks Cas. This so stunning. I love it,“ Sam said with a breathy voice. And it really did look amazing, Dean sat there with his mouth open. </p><p>As soon as Cas came to him, Dean had tears in his eyes again. Without much notice, Cas handed him a small vial, a more noble one, he noticed, visibly containing a minimal amount of the grace. </p><p>Dean rubbed his eyes now, started sobbing, and hugged Cas for what felt like 5 minutes. </p><p>At night, Cas had whispered – very emotionally – that he was frightened and that he’d probably have to give up his grace eventually to have the guarantee he could go to heaven with Dean. Maybe he would go to heaven anyway, but of course he couldn’t know. Nobody could answer this at the moment. He was special in that matter. </p><p>Dean had reassured him that they’d figure everything out, they didn’t have to make the decision today. He’d soothed Cas until the angel hadn’t shaken anymore. It was a huge step for Cas to fully give up his grace, and he should do it when he was ready for it. </p><p>"Cas,“ he only murmured, noticing how fragile and scratchy his voice sounded.</p><p>Finally, it was Dean’s turn. He felt incredibly nauseous. All or nothing. This was the moment, now he would finally overcome his damn fears, would finally embrace happiness. First he gave Sam his first gift, new running shoes. Then Sam unwrapped the second, more personal gift. </p><p>Dean had found the vintage pocket watch in a small antique store. It had room for a photo, and of course Dean had already included one of the three of them. He had also had the watch engraved. Just one sentence, "Always got your back, bitch.“, but Sam looked at him with moist eyes. </p><p>They looked at each other, and somehow, at that moment, they didn’t need many words. They would always stand by each other, always, Dean knew that. </p><p>"Castiel.“ Again he used Cas‘ full name, he didn’t know why exactly, just knew that he was so emotionally charged right now that everything inside him was rumbling and wanted to surface.</p><p>"Sunshine. I- I thought about what I could possibly get you, the angel who rebelled and fell for the righteous man.“ He laughed at his own silly summary. </p><p>"I had many things in mind, the keys for example. In the end, I figured there was only one thing I could give you. Only one thing that matters.“ As Cas looked at him, absorbing every word he said with so much sincerity and love, Dean gulped. </p><p>"You remember the mixtape I gave you a while back?“ he whispered huskily.<br/>
"Your favorite tracks of Led Zeppelin. Of course. I remember. I listened to it many, many times. We discussed the songs in depth.“</p><p>"Yeah, I know, pal. Awesome nights. That’s not my point. I meant- um. We watched some movies with that stuff recently, right? You know what it means.“<br/>
"I’m not sure I- Oh!“ Cas exclaimed. "I never knew.“</p><p>"And I thought it was the perfect way of telling you without using actual words. As you know I’m not good at talking bout my feelings. I just wanted to show you that you are different, ya know. That you mean more to me than other people on this planet. That you make me feel things I didn’t know before. I just didn’t wanna admit it to myself. I thought I wasn’t worthy of good things. You.“</p><p>"So subconsciously you were trying to win my heart back then?“ Cas asked and smiled at him.</p><p>"If you wanna phrase it like that.“<br/>
"But my heart was already yours.“ The sincerity in Cas‘ voice made his heart stumble.</p><p>"Cas. This is about you now, your gift. You don’t have to flatter me.“ The corners of Dean’s mouth turned up nonetheless.</p><p>"I’m not. I am simply telling the truth.“<br/>
"The truth, yes. Well, there are always two sides of the truth, right? Hence- here.“</p><p>Dean pressed the small package into Cas‘ hand and barely managed to maintain eye contact. He had never felt so fragile, had never felt like he was figuratively giving his heart into the hands of another person. </p><p>Cas eyed him with warm eyes, for so long that Dean lost all sense of time. Then Cas examined the gift, unfastening the wrapping paper extra carefully, apparently to damage it as little as possible. Finally, he held the mixtape in his hands. </p><p>“This one’s different than the other mixtape,“ he said. "Listen-“ Dean interrupted himself. "Ah, screw this,“ he cursed and ran off to his room for a minute. He could do this in person, he could do this. </p><p>He returned with his western guitar he’d bought two years back to practice in secret. Furthermore, he had written this thing down in the notebook - Cas‘ surprise from early December. </p><p>Then he took a chair, placed it right next to the Christmas tree and sat down.<br/>
He strummed the sites for a few seconds. Sam and Cas hadn’t said a single world since his awkward escape.  </p><p>He looked at the two most important people in his life and grinned broadly. "Sam, please just cover your ears with your hair or vanish to your room for a few minutes. This is the sappiest thing in the existence of Dean Winchester.“ </p><p>He cleared his throat multiple times, feeling so nervous. "Cas, Merry Christmas.“</p><p>He began playing the tune. It was calm, melancholic and tender. Of course, it was also simple, Dean wasn’t a composer. But it was full of emotions. Full of him. </p><p>He started singing, directly going off tune, but he ignored it, closed his eyes for a second and sang without thinking. Just from the bottom of his heart and with his gaze fixed on Cas. </p><p>"We’re like two stars in the sky<br/>
What are the odds of them crossing by?<br/>
What were the odds of us falling in love?<br/>
But still we were fast connected by our hearts</p><p>For you, I was "The Righteous Man“ when we first met<br/>
Ya took my soul outta hell, with intent of me saving earth<br/>
I was a man who was not able to see his worth<br/>
A man who didn’t want to get attached yet</p><p>In my eyes you were too distant, too clean,<br/>
couldn’t grasp me with your heavenly "soldier life“<br/>
I was angry for leaving parts of me unseen<br/>
And damn, we got into more than one strife</p><p>But something has kept us joined for so long<br/>
Call it alliance, loyalty or the profound bond</p><p>Everything was right with you<br/>
Never was there more happiness<br/>
You are the one, my love for you is true<br/>
And the night sky is star-bright, so star-bright with you</p><p>Day by day our bond grew stronger<br/>
Life wasn’t life without you any longer<br/>
Team Free Will fought all enemies as one<br/>
Our path was defined new, yet our mission not done</p><p>We lived our separate lives for some parts of the years<br/>
Much happened and there were many fears,<br/>
Then, finally, we two dumbasses met again<br/>
but – no – we couldn’t be together by then</p><p>Everything was right with you<br/>
Never was there more happiness<br/>
You are the one, my love for you is true<br/>
And the night sky is star-bright, so star-bright with you</p><p>Reading hours led to talks late at night<br/>
Activities formed memories so strong<br/>
Your eyes they always showed me where I belong<br/>
You saw me for whom I really am, brought me light</p><p>Distance was a bitch and complicated stuff<br/>
And always there was the next big evil<br/>
Pride and misunderstandings made it tough<br/>
I’m sorry for my part in this peril</p><p>Everything was right with you<br/>
Never was I happier before<br/>
You are the one, my love for you is true<br/>
And the night sky is star-bright, so star-bright with you</p><p>I couldn’t say it, couldn’t tell you how I really felt<br/>
Wasn’t sure you could grasp it, how an angel dealt<br/>
Still, we found ourselves in each other at last<br/>
All made sense which had happened in the past</p><p>Everything is right with you<br/>
Now I’m happier than ever before<br/>
You are the one, my love for you is true<br/>
And the night sky is star-bright, so star-bright with you</p><p>The night sky is star-bright with you</p><p>Cas, I wanna share my life with you“</p><p> </p><p>A charged silence had settled over their Christmas-themed room. The tension was so thick that it could have been cut with a knife. He hadn’t sounded bad, as he had really tried to give his voice as much expression as possible in that one. What scared him much more was the message of the song. Everything he had always shown Cas with gestures, never really daring with words. </p><p>Dean had risen, stood indecisively at the side, now leaning against the wall with his arms folded. </p><p>Cas walked to him, calm but somehow bewildered. When he stood before him, Dean’s breath caught.</p><p>"Dean, thank you for the song. It was otherworldly beautiful.“ Cas cupped his face with both hands and pressed closer to Dean. He looked deep into Dean’s eyes, never letting go of his gaze. </p><p>"I love you, Cas. With every fiber of my broken being.“ Dean smiled wryly, though he would have preferred to hide under the table. Never before had he said those three words to another person - in a romantic sense. And now Cas, that wonderful, incomparable, heartwarming angel who had fallen because of him - for him - actually had tears in his eyes. </p><p>In his own way, Dean had shown him again and again, with gestures and other words, how much he loved Cas. This was the first time he told him face to face. </p><p>Again Cas kissed him. Dean was already shaky on his feet in the face of his passion. Then Dean just looked at him for a long time. </p><p>And damn it, it was Christmas, and he didn’t care that he was the gooiest guy on the planet today. </p><p>Then Dean began speaking softly. "You’re the one person I haven’t behaved distantly around very soon. I trusted you, prayed to you, dreamed of you, sensed you, even at a distance. I could always count on you.“ He hummed, weighing his next words thoroughly. </p><p>"There was and always will be that bond between us. The profound bond how you called it. Do you know what Hermann Hesse wrote? "No matter how close two human beings may be, there is always a gulf between them which only love can bridge, and that only from hour to hour.“ Cas, as I see it, our footbridge is made of diamond.“ </p><p>And now the tears were running down Cas‘ cheeks. He sniffled, and Dean knew this was it. The happiest day of his life. Again, he kissed Cas.  </p><p>When they had pulled away from each other again, Sam joined them. He first fell around Cas’s neck and whispered something to him. Then he turned around with a jerk and hugged Dean so tightly that Dean could hardly breathe. "You’re the best brother in the world, Dean. And I’m so thrilled you’re finally happy. You deserve this. I’m proud of you.“ </p><p>And then Dean sobbed again, and damn, nobody had warned him Christmas was all about crying. Son of a bitch. His little brother telling him he was proud of him – for showing feelings out of all things he had done in his life – it was another part of this day which was simply perfect.</p><p>In the late evening Sam excused himself because he wanted to check out his new presents. Dean knew this was just a pretense, but he was grateful Sam gave him and Cas some time alone. </p><p>"So,“ he said, smirking cheekily at Cas. "You and me, huh?“<br/>
Cas smiled and cradled Dean’s face. "Yes, Dean. We weren’t part of the big plan, and yet we were supposed to be.“</p><p>Dean took a few steps, put a song on repeat, and led Cas right in front of the Christmas tree. He looked into Cas‘ blue eyes, the eyes that had been fascinating him since the very beginning. The eyes he would try to figure out his whole life. </p><p>"I love you.“ Now that he had finally said it out loud, he wanted to say nothing else. He kissed Cas. "I love you.“ Dean grabbed Cas‘ waist, gently pulling Cas toward him while he used his other arm to place Cas‘ hand against his own. "I love you.“ </p><p>Dean smiled, burying his face in the crook of Cas‘ neck, hugging Cas‘ whole body. "I love you.“ </p><p>They swayed together, just in rhythm with their emotions. </p><p>Dean thought of his desire, his deepest desire, that he wanted more in his life than just existing as a hunter. He thought of Cas being that something more. He was everything. </p><p>As they moved back and forth and the song played over and over, as they never stopping moving toward and into each other, Dean felt pure bliss. Happy at last. </p><p>The world was cruel. Cold. It was constantly threatened by enemies that they would soon have to deal with again. </p><p>The world was not a perfect place. It had hunger and misery and suffering and wars. It demanded sacrifices, sure, they themselves experienced too often how innocent people had to die. How they couldn’t save everyone. </p><p>The world frustrated Dean, left him hopeless and lost often enough. It held horrors, monsters, blood and hate. Often the world treated the wrong people well and the right people badly. </p><p>The world was all that and much more. The world would never stop challenging him. </p><p>He, Dean Winchester, would always carry his burdens and would wake from nightmares. He would continue to make mistakes and wrong decisions. He would argue with those around him. </p><p>He would continue to behave unfairly, to react angrily, to say things he didn’t mean. He would fail, lose, break down. He would feel lost and broken. He would doubt and sometimes hate himself. </p><p>But in all of this, he had his brother and he had Cas. </p><p>And in this huge, frightening world, it was enough. This was Dean’s world.  </p><p>Here in the bunker, in front of the Christmas tree – with Cas – he couldn’t think about the negativity. For now, he felt at peace. With the world, with himself.</p><p>Therefore, he continued embracing Cas tenderly, inhaling his scent. He took Cas‘ hand, spun him in a circle several times, pulled him close again. And then he hummed the melody of the song, bent down to Cas‘ ear and softly sang a line.</p><p>"And I think to myself<br/>
What a wonderful world.“</p><p> </p><p>*** THE END ***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! There will be one last chapter after this one - an epilogue. It will be online later today or tomorrow (December 25)!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Christmas and the holiday season belong to my favorite times of the year. So writing a longer Christmas fic for these two dumbasses (affectionate!) was such a delight. :))</p><p>Here comes the last part. I’m so excited. Enjoy and Merry Christmas! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*** 10 years later ***</p><p>Dean yawned loudly and stretched his limbs again. He was completely overtired, having been awakened by a nightmare at 4 a.m. The fresh air worked wonders, sliding deep into his pores like oil making an old ship propeller run. Outside, he could breathe more freely again. It had been one of the worst nightmares. Not a horror scenario his subconscious had spun up, but real memories. </p><p>Fights with Lucifer, Michael, Death, and last but not least Chuck. The nightmare had spared nothing, left out none of the numerous deaths, not spared him from reliving his losses. He clenched his fists as he thought of Sammy covered in blood, thought of how Cas had disappeared before his eyes. How had been forced to adjust to a different life before finally accepting it. </p><p>Not far from him, he saw a young family spread out a picnic blanket on the ground. The two children were playing, fighting with their rubber animals, plastic soldiers and action figures, constructing particularly detailed battlefields. </p><p>They put themselves in the roles of commanders, moved "casualties“ aside, and screamed themselves into a frenzy. Strategies were discarded by the minute, and in the end they laughed so hard that they forgot their game. They squabbled, tickled each other, and fell into their own battle, where it didn’t matter who won or didn’t win. </p><p>A small smile stole onto Dean’s lips. His inner forlornness, the dark shadow that had once again taken hold of him, made way for a small glimmer of hope. He would never get rid of his nightmares, but in the meantime they no longer captured him entirely. It was one of those days when he missed, but that longing was a part of him.<br/>
He took two fingers and whistled once. Just a few seconds later, Lucky ran up to him, who had visibly enjoyed himself in nature. Dean hummed, and shook his head with a laugh. </p><p>Since he still had time to kill, he devoted himself to his latest project: landscaping the property. It was the ideal thing to do in early spring. In addition to a few trees, he also wanted to plant two to three flower beds right next to the terrace. The first bed was to be adjacent to the terrace at the corner, and its curved lines would provide an inviting view of the rest of the garden. </p><p>Stones marked the bed and offered an additional decorative aspect. The fact that he had already done the digging a week ago was now paying off. The compost had done its work, emitting its unique scent that spoke to the fertility of the soil. Dean used a hoe to remove weed seedlings that had sprouted and grown quite a bit in the past few days. </p><p>At first, Lucky had watched him, but quickly found the silent observation too boring. Meanwhile, Lucky ran across the meadow and kept running back and forth, splashing in the water and running back to him. Then the Labrador shook out all his fur and splashed water in all directions. Now and then, he would hit Dean in the process, but he didn’t mind the unwanted refreshment. </p><p>He spread new compost over the surface, dug it into the potting soil, and smoothed the entire bed with the rake. The steady stroking motion soothed Dean and drove away unwelcome thoughts. </p><p>In addition to a few bulbs that would soon blossom into crocuses and daffodils, he planted rose primroses and a few shrubs of snow forsythia. The white and pink blossoms added a few splashes of color to the otherwise continuous greenery of the area, and the clusters of flowers immediately emitted a pleasant almond scent. </p><p>He laid out several planting pits about 30 inches apart, inserting a total of a dozen fairy flowers, whose delicate blooms gave the plants their name. Inevitably, Dean reflected on how much Cas would like these flowers, and felt nostalgic when thinking about their conversations in the past. </p><p>"You’re up early.“ Dean paused his intense gardening, and turned his head over his shoulder. He grinned, ran a hand through his hair once. Then he stood up, patted the dirt off his pant legs, and sprayed his hands once with the garden hose. </p><p>"Yeah. Tough night,“ he replied evasively, taking a few steps forward.<br/>
"Did you have another nightmare?“ Dean shrugged, looking down at the ground in embarrassment. He still wasn’t an expert at putting his feelings on display, especially not after he’d brought more guilt on himself.</p><p>"Mmm,“ Dean grumbled, not wanting to think about it right now. He pulled Cas into a tight embrace, inhaling his scent. Obviously he had just showered since he still had damp hair. He smelled so good. Like home. </p><p>"You know I still have the potion from Rowena,“ Cas whispered as he stroked Dean’s back.<br/>
"Sure. Wanna ration it for the worst nights, ya know,“ Dean finally replied. "So, I’ve been busy. What do you think?“ He pointed to the newly planted beds and waited for Cas‘ reaction. </p><p>"Wonderful,“ Cas said, beaming at him. As his eyes lit up intensely, Dean felt like he did in the last two decades. Even though he and Cas were closer than ever and knew each other inside and out, their eye contact still blew him away. He still drowned in those stunning blue eyes. </p><p>"I’ll never get used to your gorgeous eyes. Could never live without the sight,“ he consequently admitted. Cas tilted his head, smiling broadly. "Well, it is a good thing you don’t have to then.“ </p><p>Dean laughed. "Can’t argue with that. Did- What about the hunts? Everything settled?“ Cas shook his head and let out a frustrated sound. Then Cas clicked his tongue, and Dean rolled his eyes. Cas had copied that sound from him, it was fucking unbelievable. </p><p>"Dean, I am not incompetent. I know how to handle this. I am rather organized. You should see the folders I made this morning. It’s even better than your numerous notebooks and maps, and you should really appreci-“ Dean pressed his mouth to Cas‘, eager to finally pick up his first kiss of the day. </p><p>"You’re doing amazing, sunshine. It’s just... Witches, vampires and a haunted house? Too many monsters at once if you ask me. Fucking hate witches. We need to take precautions, find out everything we can.“</p><p>"We will – like we always do.“ Cas winked and engaged him in another kiss. He put his arms around Dean and pressed tightly against him, finally caressing his whole body. Their kisses became more and more stormy and urgent. Dean felt his arousal rising, and only with difficulty suppressed a moan. Breathing heavily, he broke away from Cas. </p><p>"Cas,“ he breathed. "Not now. I don’t know if I can control myself. You look too sinful with the new shirt, it’s so, so hot.“ He kissed his way down Cas’s neck, touching the fabric of the blue and white plaid shirt for an emphatically long time again. So handsome. Then he eyed Cas from top to bottom, admiringly, full of love, as if to give expression to his words once more. </p><p>"Has Sammy called by now?“ Dean asked when they were back inside, not taking his eyes off Cas‘ damn attractive neck, face, mouth. He nibbled Cas‘ lips, used his tongue very deliberately. Cas drew in a sharp breath, moaning indignantly, and Dean grinned. Yes, he still had it in him to drive Cas out of his mind. And Dean? Every single day he felt a tingling all over his body like when they had kissed for the first time. </p><p>"Yes. They will be here in two hours.“<br/>
"Okay. Then let’s prepare, shall we?“ </p><p>And so they went into the kitchen, cooking marinated chicken drumsticks together. Cas wore his cute apron which was too colorful, too childish and yet perfect. In the process, they distracted each other so much that their first attempt burned completely. Eventually, they did manage to get everything ready and keep the food warm in the oven. The bell rang on time and Dean called out "I’ll get it“, not without giving Cas a soft kiss first. </p><p>First he pulled Eileen into a long hug and kissed her on the cheek, really happy to see her. Then he greeted Sammy with a "Don’t they have hairdressers where you live, bitch?“ and hugged him tightly. Sam rolled his eyes while Eileen signaled to him by sign language that Sam thought she’d like the long hair better. Dean coughed and put his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. </p><p>Dinner was awesome, and they quickly fell into casual conversation about what had happened recently. Dean hadn’t seen the two of them for a couple of weeks because Sam and Eileen had been hunting a lot in addition to taking care of their house search. Unbelievable how the time had passed. </p><p>He shook his head, intertwined Cas‘ hand with his and stroked the back of his hand again and again out of habit, as he always did to calm himself down. </p><p>"Your new system is working fine, by the way,“ Eileen remarked at one point. "We’re much more efficient now.“ Dean grinned with satisfaction and patted himself on the back. "See?“ he said, turning to Cas, who narrowed his eyes.</p><p>"Dean, you were the one who originally wanted to stick with the old research methods. It wasn’t until I-“ He kissed Cas, a little too passionately for an audience, but he didn’t care. </p><p>With a grin, he pulled back and raised his arms in the air. "Okay, pal, you win today. You were able to change my mind, don’t let it get to your head.“ </p><p>Everyone present rolled their eyes, and once again Dean wondered why, in fact, his dear family always conspired against him at moments like this. "Dean,“ Sam said, emphasizing his name again in that reproachful way. "We are all aware you’re the hyper-advanced Bobby and have more knowledge about monsters and lore than all of us combined, but that doesn’t mean we have to pay homage to you.“</p><p>"You sure? That’s too bad cause I’ve already set up the altar in one of the spare rooms. You see you always have to be pre-“</p><p>"Prepared, yes, Dean, I know your fucking mantra. Seriously, sometimes I wish you would be your old hunter self and not this-“</p><p>"Fucking awesome and overly smart lorebrarian?“ Dean smirked about his neologism.</p><p>"Dude,“ Sam commented the same time Cas poked Dean in the side.<br/>
"Ouch, Cas, what was that for?“<br/>
"You shouldn’t always brag like that, Dean.“</p><p>"That so? As I recall, last night you screamed how much my knowledge arous- Ouch. Stop it.“ Now Sam had clapped the back of his head.</p><p>"The two of you.“ Dean paused to point to Sam and Cas. "Are the worst. You’re not supposed to work against me. Eileen, what’s your say in this?“ </p><p>His sister-in-law just smiled mischievously and looked apologetically at Sam. "Well, Dean is right,“ she showed. And with that, Dean’s peace of mind was restored. </p><p>They spent the rest of the day putting together more hunts. Afterwards, Dean showed them the two cars he was working on. They were both veritable piles of junk, but he would get them back in shape. In the evening, Sam and Eileen said their goodbyes, and Dean was left feeling satisfied. </p><p>They had the house to themselves again. Their damn fantastic home. Holding hands, Dean and Cas walked through the garden and across the sand until they finally came to a stop at their little dock. The cool sea breeze flowed in on them. The air tasted of salt and algae. </p><p>As the waves were crashing on the sand bed, Dean inhaled deeply. He loved the sea at this time of day. Wild and unpredictable, yet also captivating and comforting. Like every day the sea greeted them with her familiar rushing and murmuring. Dean smiled, feeling completely calm. </p><p>They sat down on the ground, and looked towards the water. The sun was slowly setting, and beautiful red tones were forming on the horizon. </p><p>Dean wrapped his arms around Cas from behind and buried his face in the crook of Cas‘ neck. Then he placed Cas between his legs and stroked his thighs. "That was a lovely day,“ Cas said, sinking back into Dean’s chest. "I am glad Sam and Eileen are doing good. They seem happy. I think they are doing a wonderful job of hunting and still enjoying their relationship.“ </p><p>Dean made an approving noise and caressed Cas. He tousled through Cas‘ hair, which had regrown a bit and really looked incredibly sexy. Meanwhile, Dean spotted more and more gray hairs. It was as it should be. </p><p>"Do you ever regret it?“ Dean asked. For a brief moment, Dean’s old fear, which had so often empowered him in the past, set in. Then it flew away like a leaf in the wind.<br/>
"Retiring?“</p><p>Dean chuckled. "Cas! You know what I mean.“ He kissed Cas‘ earlobe while Cas played with his hand. After only a few seconds, Cas made the indignant sound in his throat that he always used when Dean annoyed him. </p><p>"Of course not. Never.“<br/>
"Good. Yeah, I- I know that, obviously. What- how do you feel?“</p><p>"I feel splendid. I am adapting well to the cirumstances. And I feel everything. You, always you.“ Cas sighed contentedly.<br/>
"Mmm,“ Dean said with relish, and kissed Cas‘ temple. "Sounds wonderful when you say it.“</p><p>"I will never be tired of telling you, Dean. I will never be tired of telling you how beautiful you are. With every scar on your body and every little wrinkle. That you are the love of my life.“ Dean smiled, and sighed in delight.<br/>
"Same goes the other way around. It’s-  I can’t help it anyway. You know you’re my happiness, right?“</p><p>"Yes,“ Cas replied and kissed Dean’s hand so tenderly that Dean’s heart bubbled over with serotonins. "Yes, I do.“</p><p>Dean wrapped his arms tighter around Cas, feeling so much bliss and peace inside. "I love you, Cas. I love you so frigging much.“<br/>
"I know,“ Cas said with his gravelly voice. </p><p>Dean laughed, laughed with his whole body, and finally intertwined his hand with Cas‘. With his thumb he touched Cas‘ fingers, enjoyed exploring and getting to know the so familiar skin once again. </p><p>For the longest time, Dean’s thumb lingered over the ring - and damn, there was definitely more to life than just hunting.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! I put much heart into this baby because I really wanted to make them happy. I love them so much. Sharing my writing always makes me a bit nervous... So the support means A LOT. </p><p>Since I have a few days off and I’m in such a writing mood at the moment, I will post more fics soon. I already have two (shorter) WIPs and multiple other fics in mind. Therefore, my journey with these two wonderful characters is not finished anytime soon. </p><p>Again: Thank you! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>